Starting to believe god did not mean for us do some things

[Shinobie]

I am starting to believe that there is just some people in this world that were just not meant ever be with a man or women,not meant to be smart or live rich, and just specific roles in life.Im starting to believe that u cant just make your life how you want it to be.God gives u what u have but it might not be easy or fair.Ive just been startign to believe maybe im not meant to ever have a girlfriend or grow up to have wife because every women or girl i meet hates or dislikes me....I have pride in my country and id fight for it right away maybe i was just meant to be born then fight for my country and give my pathetic life away.....From all the things ive been reading on peoples post on how old they r and some r kind of old and how they never even been on adate or kissed.Is it just a sign that they were never suppose to have a girlfriend but i dont know why somethign like that would have to be true?I wonder if there is a such thing as a person who has lived up to the age that they have died as a virgin or never had a girlfriend or boyfriend by a person who tried their whole life too.If such a thing is true it makes me very sad.

[Halfdman04]

For one, you need to first change your attitude!!! your being very pesemistic. you need to start your day optimistic. go out the house with confidence and self pride, to help you feel like this, buy some new clothes, get a hair cut, exercise, keep fit, go the gym! doing these things will make you feel good about yourself! when u look good you feel good! and vice versa! girls will see this confidence and pride and want a piece of it! keep your chin up, have a better outlook! take care

[winkybear]

that was a really good advice u gave halfdman04

[Gilgamesh]

I cant help but think the same thing sometimes, maybe i was a very bad spouse in a previous lifetime, now i am paying back my Karma.

 

Lets face it, there are people that have opportunity just fall in their laps, others never get a break.

 

You can be a wonderful woman or man, and end up with a chain of bad relationships. you can do everything right, and still have them hurt you for no reason.

 

I am saying this about "some" people, with most it has to do with attitude, risk taking, and how you see yourself and others.

[ShySoul]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like the universe hates me. Like no matter what I do things never work out, I never get any breaks, and everything gets worse. But that's when you need to dig in deep and try harder. If life wants to throw everything it can at you, then let it try. Aren't the people admired most the ones who have overcomed great hardships? Maybe it's a test of our willpower. Maybe some people have to fight harder because "God" knows they have the strength to overcome it. And in overcoming our problems and sorrows we become better. What's that saying, "What does not kill us makes us stronger." Maybe we can pass on what we learn from our experiences to another person who won't have to go through what we did. Maybe affecting that one person's life will ultimately lead him to do great things and all our pain and suffering will be worth it in some way we can't even begin to imagine.

 

I really think that if people keep a positive attitude and fight to overcome their problems, good things will happen to them (although waiting for the good is really annoying). And what does it matter if we never get the reward. "If nothing that we do matters, than all that matters is what we do." Most people will never be rich or famous. Some may never find the love of their life. But in the end, it's who the person was that matters. Did we stay true to who we are? Did we try to do the right thing and be good people?Did we fight for what we people in?

[Crooked Broomstick]

To be simple and frank... We are all just unique little experiments to see what happens. But try to stay away from thinking like I've come to think. I could go into a long rant, but... If you still have hope... hold on to it. It might not do much to change the situation, but at least it gets you out of bed... and that is the one thing that gives you the best chance to change the situation. And all this advice these "happy people" give... is just annoying and usually is dangerous to boot. Anything dealing with changing yourself is completely wrong, unless you, yourself, believe in it fully and truly.

Don't feel alone, because that's just a miserable hole to be in. I know. I've got a lot of hours logged in that place.

I'm 21, a virgin, never kissed... and used to be a nice guy. I don't try anymore. I'm on the verge of becoming what happens when the nicest of nice guys when finally get their last bit of patience is worn away. I'm a spiteful bastard, who is now fueled off the hate of the fictious notion known as "love". If I had the time, I didn't have moral problems with it, and I didn't care about legal concerns... ... ... I'd be hanging out in the places couple go... just make them ALL miserable... pepper spray a few, shove quite a number into ponds, and eat a whole bunch of white castles and sit in the booth next to them... just to make the air around them horrid to breathe.

I wear all black on VD day... I invite others to do the same.

Try not to be me... but if all else fails... know you can still live on.

[Angel88]

Well, I lost my virginity when I was 26! I never had a boyfriend until I was 26! So hey, no worry guys, when the time is right, you will be fine.

 

I used to think I was cursed, LOL, but hey, God sent me my True Love, I'm happily married, and if it happened to me, it can happen to you!!!!

 

Please believe that it can happen to you.

 

And another thing, I prayed for a good husband for 2 years. So pray, and your prayers will be answered, but only when the time is right.

You have to be patient.

[PAdreamer]

It's true that for some people, things like relationships happen a little easier than they do for other people. BUT believe it or not, even THOSE people can feel like the entire universe is against them. I've had a lot of relationships, and an outsider would see me and say that I have it easy in this area. But, surprise surprise! My life and my relationships have been far from easy... Many of them have been down right terrible. I simply had to do my best to learn the lessons I could and move on.

 

My own personal belief is that if you were meant to be single your whole life, God would not put an urge in you to have a mate. Some of you may not feel that way, but that's just how I see it. I think every struggle we go through is a life lesson about ourselves. I think that before you can be ready for a wonderful healthy relationship, you REALLY have to know yourself. You have to be able to analyze the things you do; you have to know what you like and don't like; you have to be able to logically solve your own problems without getting into the mindset that life simply sucks and there's nothing you can do about it. I think this is important NOT so that you have the ability to analyze every move you make, but so that you can go out and have fun and NOT feel like you need to analyze everything because you are comfortable enough with yourself to not worry about it.

 

Someone gave great advice earlier: if you do your best to take good care of yourself and make yourself feel better about who you are, other people will see your confidence and it will draw them to you.

 

But I think the most important thing about finding and being in a good relationship is a very vital piece of the puzzle that often gets misplaced: when you're in love, it is not about you. Your number one focus should be loving and caring for and supporting your mate. A lot of the time when people are seeking relationships it is for the sake of their pride, and not always because they want someone to truly love on.

[Ceema-k]

Hey PAdreamer, I really got a lot out of what you wrote. Being human, I have also wondered if staying single forever would be my lot in life or if there was some grand conspiracy to keep me single. Aside from being terribly egocentric, thoughts that like are so hopeless and pointless and only serve to make you fear the future.

 

Hope. You gotta love hope. Each morning, the hope that I meet a special someone is one of the few things that drives me out of bed to face the world. If I start thinking God or some other force is working against me, how on earth am I gonig to want to even wake up?

 

PAdreamer really nailed the point about all our struggles being life lessons. With looking for a mate, after a while you can't help but learn things about yourself. I've found that I just learn to question everything and attempt to find alternate solutions. Hopefully, I've grown as a person and learned from my failures. But if you simply resign yourself to what you are, and take a defeatist attitude, you will certainly not learn anything new about yourself and stay locked in stasis.

[PAdreamer]

Thanks. Sometimes I go on tangents, and it upsets people. LOL!

[madhornet]

Effectively what helped me get out of the ´hating being single´ rut (along with the very useful advice and comments I´ve been sent on here) was one of closest friends from home who suggested we go to a local bar and he gave me some very helpful pointers over a couple of drinks, how to be more confident etc., develop more interests. I won´t go on about everything he said (believe me he found a heck of a lot of things I was doing that could be considered pretty major flaws, over analysing situations, being really jealous of anyone round me in a relationship, to name a couple of things). Also I was incredibly bitter at the way I´d been treated by all the women I´d gone out with and dated in the past (not that many) so there was a period when I treated any women I met who I didn´t like who acted just like the ones who treated me like rubbish the same way they did to me over and over again. I only acted like that very briefly as it wasn´t really productive and not really the fault of the other women but the despair and hatred that kept building up inside me eventually just came out and exploded - I guess it was inevitable without anyone to talk to about it.

 

Fortunately I´ve had time to think stuff over being away on 2 weeks holiday, basically there´s not a lot you can do besides get on with your life and enjoy whatever interests you have, perhaps find some new ones (I´m going to look into taking up Judo when I return from holiday). I´ve figured if you´re destined to be single there´s nothing you can do about it, although of course I don´t want to be single for life - I can think of little worse in the long term.

 

A change of attitude and confidence level is the only way to have a chance of finding someone, not looking desperately. At a recent BBQ I actually spoke to quite a few women I didn´t know, all quite relaxed and jokey which I wouldn´t have even considered before I had the chat with my friend - he had gone through the exact same thing as me hating being single so he understood how I felt (he got to the point where he nearly killed himself which is a point I never got to thankfully), he is very lucky to be going out with someone nice now (who I really wish I was going out with which caused a few arguments in the past but that´s a different story).

 

My friend said if I followed his advice I´d have a girlfriend by the same time next year - if not then I really don´t know what I will do. I just hope my new found attitude works, if it continues for over a year without any visible signs of improvement of interacting with women then I just pray I don´t resort back to the way I was - I mean even going on a few dates would be considered an improvement, a long term girlfriend would be nice but one step at a time.

 

Oh well fingers crossed, is everyone still awake?!

[Ceema-k]

Your friend gave you some gold advice there. I used to ask my friends how they hooked up and would always get these blank looks and a shrug. They simply did not know how to explain their successes in dating. I think a lot of average guys who get girlfriends fall into that category. The problem in my line of questioning was that I was looking for pick-up techniques and special courtship tricks. In actuality, my friends often times simply had more confidence than I did and that combined with their more outward personalities, eventually drew the type of girls they liked into their net.

 

So I've been working on my confidence, pursuing new hobbies and nurturing my personality. And like you, I hope it works out. One thing's for sure, it feels so much more natural and fulfilling than simply learning pick-up techniques or contradictory dating advice.

[PAdreamer]

I think that developing new interests is a GREAT way to build up confidence! Sitting alone at home on the computer isn't likely to make you feel great about yourself. And picking up an activity that is healthy for you (like Judo for example) just adds the perk of getting in shape and getting healthy. Also, things like sports focus on building confidence and having a good attitude. Of course, getting out of the house to do ANYTHING gives you the oportunity to meet new people. Also, developing new interests means there's one more thing that you can use to relate to someone!

Just check out local sports clubs or rec. centers, grab your bike and go out for an hour every few days, go hang out in the park... Try something you haven't really been into before!

[Caldus]

There are many things that can boost your confidence. I don't think sports would exactly do that but that is just my opinion. Exercising at the gym I can agree with though.

[PAdreamer]

Well I'm not necesarily talking team sports. But things like Judo, swimming, rock climbing, biking... Personally I don't enjoy participating in team sports because the competition makes you feel crappy and everyone is really out there for themselves. But individual sporting activities can be a great way to relax, get out on your own and just think for a bit... Ya know?

[Caldus]

Stuff like karate I can definitely agree with as I take karate classes. Basketball, baseball, etc. will probably not boost your confidence though.

[SexySadie7]

I love this website, I get such good positive advice here. I agree, that you need to do something positive for yourself. Do something you have always wanted to do, or exercise is a good thing. It takes you mind off stuff a bit & makes you feel that at least you've accomplished something positive during the day.

When my bf broke up with me, I was desperate & crushed... but sitting at home pining i knew would do nothing for me but make things worse. I decided i wanted to do something positive for myself. I joined weightwatchers. I have lost almost 8 lbs in three weeks, decided to take up drum lessons again & have got into playing music with my friends again.

I know that it's not the magic bullet, but i can just imagine how i would feel about myself if i did nothing but stay home, feeling bitter.

Now, i'm still lonely, but at least positive are happening with my life to some small extent & I've met at lot of nice people along the way in the last few weeks.

I think that too, being bitter & revengeful does not attract people in the least, not the kind of people i want in my life anyway.

Maybe, just doing good stuff for yourself will help.. Or do something nice for someone else. I sent a birthday card to my ex... i talked to him a short while ago & i could tell he was really pleased i had thought of him. Of course, I could of sent him a hateful letter how unhappy i was with the way he treated me, but i think it would of done me any good....

I didn't want to stoop to his level of interacting either. He was betrayed by someone close to him & now he's wary & suscipious of even a good woman. Why do i want to join in his negative way of treating the opposite sex.

I really don't think i want to. I want a guy who's appreciate of me & I can treat with respect in return....

Just be yourself & sooner or later the right person will come along.....It always seems to happen when you least expect it anyway.

[Fretless]

A while ago I came to the conclusion that God was against me. But that didn't make me give up hope, it just made me stronger and more strong-willed. I hate God for how he has made me, and I will spend the rest of my life struggling against his will, and spitting in his face and in the faces of those that do his work. I am now an extremely motivated person in life. The fact that my motivation is based on bitterness and hatred for God is beside the point.

[ck]

Fretless you sound a lot like me, I thought I would never find another person who thought like that. I really gave up on God, and this whole relationship thing, and I don't feel like changing myself to please these crappy people (especially women). If they don't like me for who I am I am quite convinced a personality change new clothes and muscles won't change a damn thing.

 

they will still end up being shallow and I will still be in the same miserable mindframe I am in now, the only difference is I would kick my own a double ss for being a pupet and knowing they have control over my life and make me do what they want eating out of the palm of their hand.

 

God doesn't exsist to me because if he was real I wouldn't be going through as much crap as I am going through now, and if I so called go to hell and burn (probably not since I don't believe hell either) sp be it. To me living on this garbage planet is hell so there isn't much more a person can do to scare me and preach on deaf ears.

[katykitten]

Please dont give up on love. ur only 17 after all. I know a man who didnt get married until he was in his 70s but he still found his soulmate. Im sure you dont want to wait THAT long but the likelihood is u wont have to. I've never had a boyfriend but I wont give up on the idea of having one. Everyone deserves someone and Im sure you'll find them if u wait patiently.

[Crooked Broomstick]

Ah, Fretless and ck... You make my heart warm. It's good to know I'm not the only person with this mindframe. After a certain point I've come to realize, that God wants to kill me. Problem is that I have a overtly ingrained fear of lightning... hence I don't present myself as a good target most of the time. So instead of a direct attack, he just royally twists my life and presents me with situation after situation that no matter how hard I try and how craftily I attempt to do something about it... I always fail and I usually end up accidently pushing my goal further away from myself. And that said situation just mocks me even more, day after day... I guess this is some kind of attempt to get me to finish myself off... ... ... It hasn't worked yet and I'm just going to spite him... The funny thing is that I've got a damn near unbreakable set of morales and codes that follows those 10 commandments closer than 3/4 of the Christians I know. Go figure...

[chanceit]

Hey i still havn't ever had a girlfriend - don't give up.

 

What do you actually need a girl/boyfriend for ???

 

I've been thinking about this one and i really can't think of anything....

 

I don't believe in God i don't think anyone could be as twisted and ****** up to let the things happen that go on in our world...religion is really just an form of social control when you think about it...