First day of grad school and BF doesn't ask about it!

[SpottiOtti]

How clueless is he? I mean, he knows how hard I worked getting into grad school and how important this is to me. He even forgot that this was my first day, although I know I mentioned it several times! My feelings are very hurt right now and I feel like blowing him off for a week! I even said something like, "So, my first day of graduate school was good . . ." and told him about it, and then said, "Well, since you didn't ask, I thought I'd volunteer . . . thanks for listening and have a good time tonight." I guess that was the wrong way to handle it. We got off the phone and he seemed not to have a clue how hurt I am.

 

Am I overreacting? Should I even bother bringing it up? I feel like crying . . .

[sheilatare]

Congratulations on making it through your first day. As a current undergraduate who hopes to be a graduate student next year I know how important today was for you. Its sad to say that many (but not all) men have trouble with communication. They simply aren't as preceptive as women at times. So many times it may seem like they don't care, but its usually because things tend to go over their heads. You didn't overreact, but communicating to him how he hurt you will help you feel better and prevent it from happening again. So be the bigger person: don't blow him off, just talk to him. Good luck with grad school!

[wlh22]

Well. Having been through Grad school I can understand where you are coming from.

 

But also, what is going on his life these days (something that's keeping him very occupied - at least mentally?)? That could make the difference.

 

If you are looking for a long term relationship with this person, it would help both of you if you explain to him (a couple of days after) that it was a very important day for and you would have really liked if he had asked. It will set a good stage for future important events in your and his life.

[SpottiOtti]

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I don't think there is anything out of the ordinary going on that he would be stressed about right now . . . work is the usual, and so is everything else, as far as I know.

 

I guess I will bring it up in a couple days. I'm not in the right frame of mind to really accept an apology right now.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm in grad school and my bf never said anything on my first day. But he's generally supportive. That's what matters, in my humble opinion.

 

It's ok to let him know that you would have loved some words of encouragement, but I don't think he necessarily needs to grovel for this one.

[FathomFear]

Am I overreacting? Should I even bother bringing it up? I feel like crying . . .

 

You have to remember that your boyfriend might not be doing this intentionally. Some people just don't naturally go through the motions of having "obligatory" conversations with people. I struggle with the same thing. I hate having conversations I'm "supposed" to have because it's someone's birthday, first day back to work, etc.

[SpottiOtti]

You guys are right. He is generally supportive, and maybe I just didn't communicate effectively how big of a deal this is to me. Thank you for putting it into perspective. I guess maybe I'm being overly sensitive about it because of my parents, and I knew that in the back of my mind . . .