I'm 19 and have never been kissed..

[Lily04]

From reading some of the replies in the (huge) '24 without a girlfriend' thread, I know there's a collection of people who haven't had a gf/bf at a later age, and it feels a bit comforting to know. But now that I'm 19 and have just gone on my first date (pathetic I know), I realize how very inexperienced I am. I really wish I had at least some flings in high school just to practice, so I don't feel so awkward about it now & novice about things that most people would find second nature. Now that I'm getting into my first relationship I'm feeling somewhat intimidated because I don't know anything about kissing, about what feels right, about touching or intimacy. Everything feels so new & wonderful, but a little daunting.

 

I'm also dating a guy who's 23 and more experienced in relationships, and so I feel like I can't really admit to him that I haven't been in a relationship *ever* although I think he's somewhat questioning it, as he said he's noticed I was usually around campus alone this year, and asked who I usually hung out with..I think to find out if I had a boyfriend..I just don't know what to do. I want to tell him that I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend before, but that sounds so pathetic I don't think I can. Plus, he seems so obsessed with me I really don't want to show a weakness that may turn him off..

 

The first time I guess I'll start off slow & just do a closed-mouth kiss. But I'm not sure if I can let it escalate..I almost want to just go out to a bar and flirt with guys I don't care about and kiss them just to practice, so that way when I do it with a guy who I find meaningful, I won't screw up or be nervous about it..

 

Does anyone else feel this way? I know there's some people who haven't had a girlfriend/boyfriend, but have any of you never even been *kissed*? I don't really know what the point of this post is, except that I just feel sorta scared of this & regret not starting earlier..sacrificing academics a bit to learn about other dimensions of myself & my life that are just as (or more) satisfying But I guess it's good that I learn it at some time..even though it's late, better now than later I guess..I hope. I really do want to kiss & be close with this guy, but I'm just not sure how.

[sandra052785]

don't worry, I know exactly how you feel. I am also nineteen, have never gone on a serious date, have never had a boyfriend, and have never been kissed. Trust me, all of those thoughts and emotions you are describing have been felt by other people, especially me. I just try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, and so if I were you, just don't worry about it too much. It looks as though you've got someone now, and you will move on from the never been kissed club. I wish you luck!

[dave1977]

Dont be ashamed that you have never been kissed at 19. You should feel priviledged to have what many have lost before they even graduate from high school. Things like kissing come naturally, but if I were you I wouldn't worry about it. And dont be embarrassed about not having a boyfriend or telling anyone about it. Find someone who truly loves you and enjoy the experience together. girls like you dont come around everyday. Be proud of yourself for waiting and dont be to anxious to give away what is most precious to you and someone you love.

[Lily04]

Hey!

 

I'm also 19 and have never kissed a guy before..I don't think it's such a huge deal though. And if a guy thinks lesser of you for it, he's not worth dating anyways in my opinion. My advice for you would be to just be yourself, don't worry about doing anything 'right' - just do what feels right & it's right. And you can experiment and learn from that..that's what I'm hoping will happen anyways. I'm usually attracted to older guys as well, so I'm sorta in a similar predicament. I'm not sure if I would want to tell guys I've never been in a relationship before either though..maybe just say something ambiguous like this is your first "real" relationship..if you guys go further. But otherwise, I'm sure there's others around in the same situation out there, don't worry! I'm one of them

 

take care,

 

lily04

[spiderman_56]

lol ... do not worry .. it's a natural thing .. i mean there r good kissers and bad kissers but 4 the 1st kiss he is probably be the one to go for it ...relax and enjoy it ...after that u will really know all the esentials to it ....

i mean that 's how it happened 4 me ...after the 1st it was much more easier..

good luck and i hope u experience much more than kissing

[ShySoul]

I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, never had a date, and never had a real first kiss (well one game of spin the bottle but I don't count that). I know how it feels. I'm scared of being rejected by a girl but even more scared of actually being in a relationship. I'd have no idea what to say, what to do or how to act. I mean, I know I should just be myself and she'll like me for who I am. I know that a woman should be treated with respect and that I should try to make her feel special. But the thought of actually doing it scares me out of my wits. I really wish I'd learned all this stuff years ago because the longer I wait, the more scared and nervous I became.

 

You should tell the guy how your feeling. If he really cares about you then he'll do everything he can to make you feel more comfortable. It's probably more pathetic to you than it would be to him. For all you know he could be just as scared of kissing as you. I think everyone's a little nervous about kissing someone they like for the first time. Maybe he's nervous about taking that next step with someone he really likes and doesn't want to mess it up.

 

My thought on relationships is that they can't be forced. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Things will happen naturally when their suppose to happen. If two people really like each other they'll kiss when the time comes and they'll like it. It isn't so much how you kiss or how you act but who your with. Being with the right person is what makes the moment special.

 

Well, that's the hopeless romantic in me giving me two cents. I hope eveything works out.

[Shinobie]

Wow theres a lot more girls then i expected ive always thought that it was a lot easier for girls to get boyfriends but i guess it isnt.Something bout u girls is that whenever i meet one they always go to not liking me or wanting to talk to me i always seem to be disliked by girls..... for some reaoson i mean im nice but something has to be wrong with me.Dont worry ive never had a girlfriend but ive been on a date but these last 2 ive been on set up by my friends have had me come home depressed.Any other guys have that it seems liek no matter how u act around a girl they always seem to reject u even as a friend....My friend richard whenever girls are around they go up to him and talk to him the most joke and stuff.I do not get why girls like that immature stuff why do u?Like he'll say thats a guranteed milf right there and then the girl will laugh and always seem to like him.I thought girls liked mature guys?,why is it that girls always like my friend richard and hes so immature?No matter how i talk to one no matter how nice i be they always say like ya.... like in a puzzled way maybe im just too stupid too see why.Just wondering if any other guys have my problem where no girls really like u or even like to talk to you.

[Pyralis]

Hey sparrow,

 

Don't get all bent out of shape about it. We all have to start somewhere, right? I'm 23 years old and have never been on a date or had a first kiss yet. I try not to let it get me down because I think to myself that when I do finally meet that special someone it'll make that first kiss even more special. I know that you're nervous about your first kiss. Heck, I would be too. The only advice I can give would be to try to relax and enjoy the moment. Oh, and if he gives you a hard time or thinks less of you because of your lack of experience, (which he shouldn't if he truly cares for you,) then, as Lily04 said, he's not worth it.

[Santa]

For those girls that have never been kissed / had a BF, I personally don't think it's a bad thing, but more of a good thing. In my opinio it would make you seem more special.

[drahcir]

i agree absolutely...

 

i would prefer a girl who has never been on a date before, never kissed, never had a boyfriend...ect......its much more important than having someone experienced or who know how to do it right.....if two people really love each other then there would be no fear in making a mistake because there is unconditional acceptance...if he doesn't accept you as you are, then you should dump him.....

 

Richard

[Caldus]

I don't really care if they've kissed in the past, but I do care about who they are. That's what should matter more I think.

[Spirits Away]

Your worry is probably because you like him very much. But still, i don't think guys would feel turned off if you haven't kissed before... in fact, it's more like the other way around. Anyways I guess i can help think of something for you.

 

You can tell him that you never have a boyfriend before because you feel that, that person has to be "the one" to preceed to the girlfriend stage... or kissing stage, but so far no guys met this requirnment... it's at least semi-true righty?

 

Or if he asks whether you have past bf, you can say that you looked like a nerd in your highschool year and didn't really care about make-ups until a later date, your friends were all wearing make-ups long ago but you weren't focusing on relationship back then so you're, compared to your friends, are behind in terms of making yourself look better.

 

Actually... now that i think about it... my ideas aren't actually mine but some girl told me these... Back then i didn't understand why she's saying these... I guess i understand now... i mean perhaps i'm slow, but i doubt he'll catch what you meant even if you say these anyways...

 

As a guy, i would think that if he realize you never had a bf & never kissed before... He'll find you pure, and not someone who is "not in demand"

 

From how you described, sounds like girls would prefer guys who are in demand than someone who is not... I still remember i was with this female friend and we were taking a leisure course together (she is really pretty, but I have no feelings for her). And we're basically the center of attention cause it "looked" like we were flirting with each other... I don't know what happened later but i became quite popular and many girls make chance to talk with me. It never happened to me before, so i assume it's somehow related to my pretty female friend and how it seemed like she's my gf or whatever...

 

I can tell you that... guys have different set of rules, we don't think alike compared to how girls would think. A guy who is in love would want a girl that doesn't have any experience. A girl perhaps would like someone who is in demand and dated before so "they know what to do in a date" or so i heard... When a guy is surrounded by girls... other girls in the room might be curious about the guy. When a girl is surrounded by guys, some of us would perceive them as less pure.

 

So you should be proud of your backgorund instead of fearing that every little thing might go wrong

[wikcrs]

The girl I like has told me she havent been in a relationship before, nor kissed anyone. If a guy would be turned off, or think less of a girl he "likes" because of something like that, I dont think this guy is much of a keeper I would think most guys would find it more attractive if anything. Atleast thats how I feel, I think it would make everything abit more interesting and special, IF we ever get to that stage ourselves .

 

Good luck though.

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

thanks guys! =) You're right, I don't think he would find me any less attractive for not having a boyfriend before, he might actually find it more appealing. I guess I was just embarrassed about it myself & assumed he would feel the same way..he also seems to always emphasize the number of friends he has and asks about mine, so I think he's a bit competitive in that respect..

 

I think I'll just say that I went on a few dates in high school but nothing really happened from that..I wasn't really attracted to many people in high school & was too studious to really care about dating, which was true. The thing about make-up or whatever he won't really believe..I'm objectively better looking than him and from what you said about how guys think, he's probably worried that I'm a lot more popular than him or something..that could be why he's always trying to prove he has a lot of friends and such..yeah, that's probably it.

 

But thanks for the ideas anyways. I know I shouldn't stress about it, I think it's just the fact that he's always trying to show how many friends he has and how popular he is leads me to believe that he might find me more attractive if I'm the same way..but I think it might be because he's ultimately self-conscious about it. It seems just a bit fake, like he's trying to impress me or something. hmm..but yeah, I think that's ultimately why he's making me worry about it, lol. I don't think it's because I really like him a lot..

 

Oh well, anyways I'm just going to go the pace I like & if we just end up being friends, I'm cool with that as well honestly..I don't really care if I have a boyfriend or not, I just want to enjoy meeting different people & dating that's all..

[Spirits Away]

interesting, since he emphasize his popularity a lot, try going against his belief. I've noticed you pinpointed his shortcoming. Why don't you say something direct like "I'm not the type who cares whether you're popular or not" or indirectly, "I'm a bit bothered by a friend of mine, she is very popular in highschool but i've noticed that popular people are often not loyal."... say it in a way that doesn't seem like you're referring to him. it tells him that you dislike these types of people... and he will soon realize he can just be himself

[Lily04]

What a great idea! I also sorta have the same problem actually..I'm attracted to a guy who seems to brag about himself as well (although he never used to be like this..ugh..) and was looking for a way to give him a hint that I'm not so into it & if he's trying to impress me it's not working..except he tends to brag about his accomplishments (however minimal) and those of his friends..he always emphasizes details like 'yes, you can do it like that BUT people who go to Princeton do it like THIS..' (he's a grad student & is always emphasizing that as well.) Since he seems so much into prestige I think the direct approach might be a too direct slap in the face..but next time he brings up the fact that friend/acquaintace/guy-he-met-at-the-supermarket goes to X school I'll just subtlely say "that's nice, but you know I think the fact that they're doing what they love is more important.." or "that's great, but it doesn't really matter to me.." or if I can somehow say "you know that person is really great because he/she has accomplished soo much but is so humble about it. He doesn't go about professing his accomplishments at every chance. I really respect that.." if I can somehow communicate that, hopefully he'll get the message. But yeah, sparrow I can completely understand how it's a turn off...

 

Maybe saying something similar would have the same effect. Like "that person has such a great personality even though not a lot of people like her, I really think she's great.." hopefully something like that will give the message. Or you can try being more direct..it probably depends on the person, how good they are at taking hints.

 

well good luck with everything sparrow & thanks S.Away for the tip as well!!

 

- lily04

[redgreen]

I know the feeling. I am 20 years old and never went on a date. It is getting very frustrating the older I get. I know I am good looking but I still can't find the guts to ask a girl out. I met this girl a year ago and she was the cutest little thing in the world. I liked her and I know she liked me back. I still didn't ask her out and now I have dreaded this horrible feeling everyday since then. I know its easy to say for someone to just go for it but its a lot more complicated then that. I start asking myself, when will I ever get a girlfriend or will I be along the rest of my life? Now I can only hope that maybe someday I will change.

[Mr. B]

I was 19 before my first. It was nice to getthat out of the way, and it sure felt like it was late in coming. It really wasn't a big deal, although it was my first girlfriend and her 1st kiss too with the exception of some guy who forced himself on her.

[Lily04]

Yeah, I have the feeling that this is a lot more common than people think. I was just reading in the latest issue of Seventeen (I don't normally read it but my sister bought it & I was bored..) the editor said that she didn't go on her first date until her freshman year of college, because her mom really encouraged her to excel in school & extra-curriculars and she did. The was the same reason for me (except I also wasn't really interested in anyone until I went to university as well.) I think once you get out into the 'real world', past high school, it's so much easier to meet people. Well that's just my experience anyways..

 

Also, my advice pretty much is 'go for it' nowadays. I hate the feeling of regret & would almost rather have rejection that it..so if there's someone you really like, just ask, or strike up a conversation or four and then ask. Eventually it'll happen. =)