Living With Her

[Strife]

Hi there, I just stumbled upon this amazing forum, and before I talk about the situation I find myself in, I'd just like to say thank you all for threads/posts that have helped me come to terms with the breakup, and accept it.

 

So let me begin (I apologise for the length of this post!)

 

I began dating and then going out with a girl I met at the beginning of my time at university. This all happened very quickly at the beginning of the new start at uni, and as such, I have known university as being with her. The relationship began to hit the rocks somewhat towards the end of the year, where we argued constantly, and she then (unknown to me at the time) that she was having doubts, and was talking behind my back to another guy that she had met at her workplace. Needless to say, she ended it with me, but immediately realised that she had made a mistake, and thus asked me back. I did, even though my confidence and ultimately trust was knocked, taking it, that it was a result of the hardest times we'd endured as a couple.

 

Throughout the university vacations, the relationship becomes a LDR. She lives a substantial distance away, and it is hard to meet up, due to conflicting work schedules/holidays etc.

The vacation lead to a constant battle to keep the relationship. It was fine for a month and a half, we were texting/calling/IM'ing constantly. She began having these so called doubts all over again, and constantly kept ending the relationship, due to trivial, silly reasons. Finally, she decided to end the relationship, and be single. Not because there was anyone else, but because she was 'emotionally drained'. She still had feelings for me, and she just wanted some space, and that when we returned to university, we'd begin dating again, for the meantime, we'd remain 'friends'.

 

Unfortunately, this is my first relationship, and first 'proper' breakup, so I acted like a loon, basically breaking a lot of 'rules' when being dumped. So with this in mind, I looked at us being 'friends' as a means as me using this as a way of getting back with her.

 

A short time later of not speaking (I was abroad), I received an email from her, begging me to take her back, that she was wrong, that she could be better etc. This is the most sincere email I have ever had from her, her actually admitting fault, and that she has been wrong. Basically, she said everything I wanted to hear, that everything in the relationship was not my fault, and that she had equal blame. Again, in my naivety, I took her back immediately...the relationship lasted around 4 days, where she decided again, that she wanted to remain single, that she didn't want to lose me over summer, and that she would be happier to gain me back come our return to university. This was okay, I guess...I just assumed it was hard for her to be in a LDR, and that her home life had taken a turn for the worse (thats another thread!). Needless to say, we remained in constant contact (as we had all summer), and to be honest, if an outsider were to read our texts, it would be as though we were boyfriend/girlfriend still.

This again changed, when her facebook pictures revealed that she had been kissing her ex at a club. I was hurt, and I said things to her I regretted, but apologised for at the time. She tried to take our argument public, but I'd forgiven her, and had said so to her privately and publicly...her justification being that at least her kissing him would push me away, and she wouldn't get back with me, to be hurt again...her justification for anything nasty, is that 'I hurt her so much'. Now I don't pretend to be a perfect boyfriend...I could have been a lot better, but I, and my friends (who know us both and our relationship) say this is an excuse.

I then decided that NC was the best course of action, immediately, and did so, for 3 days, however, my resolve wavered, and I BC. We began texting and phoning each other constantly again, in which she described what she wanted our relationship as 'friends' to be upon our return. Basically, the closeness of a relationship, the going shopping together, watching tv together, without me being the 'boyfriend'. I decided a short time later, that in order to do this, I needed to purge her from my system, so I sent her a text, very pleasantly and nicely, explaining that I needed time to heal and that by doing so, we could attempt to be friends. Today is the fifth day of NC, she is blocked on my emails, my facebook, my phone, IM etc.

 

Its been hard, rough, but thanks to this forum, the healing has accelerated. Unfortunately, here lies the problem. I have to share a house with her next year, with my two friends. This is only two weeks away, and that is nowhere enough time to move on properly, I still love her. My friends believe that when we get back, that she'll realise her mistake when she sees me, but I don't know even know how to act when I'm around her, seeing as I barely knew her when I started seeing her. On top of this, is that if she does realise her mistake, how do I make her chase after me so to speak? I'm quite fearful of annoying my housemates with all of this, because I don't want them to resent living with us. Any ideas, suggestions?

 

Thanks for enduring this long post!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do NOT take her back again. She is just so full of drama and so full of herself that to take her back would simply re-start the cycle all over again. When you live with her keep your distance as much as you can. Be polite but that's it. Do not initiate conversations unless absolutely necessary. Do not sit next to her on a sofa. Do not socialize with her alone. You need to break this once and for all or else she will keep treating you like a doormat.

[Ginger1]

Your are too nice! I dont think you should get back with her by any means, but it's going to be hard living in the same house unless you really really set it straight and are able to overlook her neediness.

[Strife]

Hey guys, thanks for commenting and giving advice!

 

@Crazy: I think I'll be myself, and just be amicable. It's going to be super weird though. She'll want to be with me constantly and stuff, which makes it harder, but I hope she'll get the picture.

 

@Ginger1: Haha yes, I have been told countlessly that I'm too nice! I'll have to establish with her that she lost the rights to be close to me when she ended it...

[Strife]

Although I've said the above, theres a part of me that is willing to just start over again...its that stupid email I got off of her, that's keeping me on the hook...I can't help but hope that when she sees me, she'll realise her mistake, or if we are friends, she'll again realise what she let go of. Don't get me wrong...I'm not going to go running back to her, begging and crying, saying sorry or anything. She'll have to prove that she wants it bad enough, and we'll have to work on it... and the other half of me says, 'you deserve better'. God I'm so conflicted.