Communication between Dates w/multidater

[Buzz89]

Dating in our late 30s. We met online and both still have active profiles. I assume that she's seeing other people because of her busy schedule but she appears to have taken an interest in me. We've been out six times in the past seven weeks on very good dates and have a nice progression from kissing to making out so far without rushing things. We're really getting to know each other and we seem to have good chemistry.

 

But, there is very little communcation between dates. Just a once a week phone call to catch up and set the next date. No phone games either, she's been receptive. We did communicate by email through the dating site for the first three weeks before we met in person. But no texting or emailing since.

 

Is this normal for this stage in dating? I read where people are texting and emailing mutliple times a day or are going out 2 to 3 times a week. She's an independent and busy woman and the last thing I want to do is appear needy or clingy or infringe upon her time, esp. if she's still deciding between me and several others.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What about you? Have initiated contact in between dates? She could be taking her cue from you. What would you like out of this? Do you want to be exclusive with her? She could be sitting there wondering the same thing about you. I think you need to figure out what you want out of this and if you would like a relationship with her why not ask her.

[Positive_Anonymous]

This is a tricky one as time is ticking by here, how much longer can this go on for, surely you would know if you liked someone after 7 weeks so maybe she is just keeping you as backup, hedging her bets so to speak, I personally couldn't handle that.

 

My situation though is I have just been dating a girl for 3 months although after 7 weeks thought I may have seen her with another guy although we had been sleeping together for that time too so I certainly hope thats not the case...do people have morals these days?

[Buzz89]

What about you? Have initiated contact in between dates? She could be taking her cue from you. What would you like out of this? Do you want to be exclusive with her? She could be sitting there wondering the same thing about you. I think you need to figure out what you want out of this and if you would like a relationship with her why not ask her.

 

I'm initiating the calls and asking her out and she's accepted each time. I'm looking for an exclusive relationship but we haven't had any relationship or serious talks yet. I guess I'm just scared of rushing things but I just don't know.

[Buzz89]

Any further input?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have been out 6 times in 7 weeks...I don't think it is rushing it to talk about where this is heading. If she thinks it is rushing it then you have your answer that the two of you are only casual and she is looking for someone else to fit the relationship bill.

[Buzz89]

Thanks. You're right, it's much simpler than I'm making it. My last relationship (for the lack of a better word) was going as good as this one (or so I thought) but when I gently asked her thoughts about becoming exclusive she went from adoring to avoidant. I made the mistake of clinging to a sinking ship and got hurt pretty bad. Thus my trepidation.

[MalibuOne]

Wouldn't you rather know for sure right up front? Even if it's not the answer you're hoping for?

[Buzz89]

I would like to know. It sort of feels right but that may just be my feelings starting to grow. But I also know that I'm holding back emotionally because of the uncertainty. She's holding back physically (only making out, heavy petting so far ) ... which I respect.

 

Last Sunday night we were cuddling and I told her that I was happy that we met and she commented that online dating was a great way to meet new people. She then asked how long we've been seeing each other and I named the specific date when she contacted me first (not sure if she didn't really know or was just testing me). She then said that she liked how I was always coming up with creative and fun things to do when we go out. I told her that I was enjoying her company and wanted her to enjoy herself when we went out. She said she was enjoying it. We left it at that.

 

I've always dated people from my circle of friends and where both were aware going in that we weren't seeing anyone else. This is so much different for me. Like I said, it feels right but my only doubt is why there's not a lot of communication between dates. Is the guy traditionally the one responsible for initiating a talk about where we are going?

[MrRight]

The ship would sink regardless. Better to sink closer to the coast than when you are in the middle of the ocean, kind of titanic.

 

I would definitely sit down with her and determine availability and exclusivity at this time.

 

Thanks. You're right, it's much simpler than I'm making it. My last relationship (for the lack of a better word) was going as good as this one (or so I thought) but when I gently asked her thoughts about becoming exclusive she went from adoring to avoidant. I made the mistake of clinging to a sinking ship and got hurt pretty bad. Thus my trepidation.