Going to same city Ex will be in - Need Advice

[GTP]

Well, I'm going to San Diego to visit some good friends of mine next weekend. She is also friends with these guys I'm going to visit but they are definitely better friends with me. They told me she is going to be in the city too. We were in a LDR where she lived in Mexico and I lived in CO and we originally broke up in Jan 10 and didn't talk until we met up in San Diego Late March. Things hit off like mad! Tons of sexual tension, flirting, fun etc Things were right back on track. She told me she didn't realize how much she loved me until she seen me again, how I do everything perfect for her, how no one makes her feel the way I do, etc She started crying saying how she was soooo sorry for everything and wants to make things great between us. This girl NEVER cries infront of ANYONE including her family. We seen each other every 2-3 weeks or so from March to June and most of it was awesome!

 

Fast forward to May 2010 I was visiting her in SD again. She had met up with an Ex BF in Vegas and a bunch of his friends. They never really dated but I have always had an insecurity of him which she knew cuz she talked of him more than any of her exs and was quite frequently. I got very angry that she went and we got in a huge argument before she came to see me in SD. When we got to SD we worked things through and had an amazing time as always. She couldn't keep her hands off of me and kept this affection really high and told me how much she loved me etc Basically all the things she told me before until I asked her to add me back on FB. In the past she would hover over her computer so I wouldn't see what she was doing on FB and blocked me from it. She said it was better that way cuz I had suspicions of shadiness going on. Once that happened she told me she just doesn't feel it anymore, etc That is when it all ended. I don't see how it can go from one aspect to the other within the matter of a day.

 

From that point on she didn't want to go out with our friends who I am visiting in SD but once I was leaving her at her brothers house she said she would come. That night after having a good time with friends and all next day we argued. I was set to go to Mexico City to visit her 2 weeks from then. I get to MC and she is nothing but cold to me. No affection, no flirtatiousness, NOTHING. We argued many times during my 11 day trip there over it all. She called me on my Bday on June 18th but I didn't answer or call back until the 20th because I was tired of being to available for her.

 

She had just moved to San Jose, CA in late June for a job and I called on July 20th and left a message which I received no response from. She told her friends who I am sort of friends with (only because of her) to tell me HI and hope everything is going well with me. I told her friend if she wants to say hi she can call me and her friend said she hasn't called because I never answered her text when she got her new US Phone July 1st. I have yet to hear from her. She usually has me blocked on MSN but every once in a while she unblocks me which the only reason I can think is hoping I will get online to talk but I stay invisible. I figure she can call if she wants to talk, she has my #

 

I am going to San Diego next weekend to visit the same friends and they told me she will be there as well. I still want to reconcile and know in my gut that it can happen if we see each other again. Should I call or email her telling her I will be in San Diego to see these friends and hopes she can make it down? Or should I leave it since these friends already told her I was coming next weekend? She is VERY stubborn BTW

 

Any other advice on reconciling? Also her bday is coming up in Sept, should I give her a call for it or just ignore?

[cruzer]

I dont know her, and its hard to know much from your post but here is what im thinking.

 

Either A. she does like you, but ur insecurities are ruining it for her... She should be able to talk to her ex without u freaking out, questioning her, doubting her, etc.

 

or B. she is not really interested in you, more uses u for whatever and is really hiding something from you and cheating on you, etc.

 

Imho u need to be honest with her, if u can text her or email her (u said she got a new phone, do u have that new #?) and do one of 2 things.

 

1. tell her you really miss her and want to give it another try if she is up for it and you promise to work on not being insecure, and trusting her, etc.

OR

2. ask her would she be interested in giving it another try if u were not jealous, insecure, and trusted her.

 

but u have to understand that even if she is willing, ur not gonna be able to work it out and last if u cant get past those insecurities and trust issues...

 

trust her with all your heart and if she does cheat and break your hear, u will find out, and u will know then how she is and that you guys are finally over...

[lavenderdove]

If she is supposedly your exclusive girlfriend and she won't let you on facebook, then i'd say the real problem is she is dating multiple guys and trying tokeep you in the dark about it.

 

perhaps she is dating someone else now and has gotten hot with him and lost interest for you. If you've been in town and she knows it for a full month and a half and she hasn't called, i'd guess she is dating others and perhaps only wants to be casual friends with you. I wouldn't waste any time waiting for her especially if you don't even know what she is up to... she could be getting serious with someone else by now, or dating several guys and not wanting a serious relationship with anyone right now.

[GTP]

I guess I kind of left this out by accident. The reason why we have trust issues is that she hung out with the "Ex" where she went to Vegas behind my back while I was at work. I came home to a note and my cell phone (which I always gave her) saying she was with her friends that she went to college with looking at pics. What threw me the red flag is why would she leave my phone, she said she would be home an hour later than we had originally talked about cuz we were going to see a movie. I found deleted texts to her friend with his # in it so I called it and asked if she was there and she got on the phone. There were people in the background so she was at a public place. She said they are just friends and she didn't want to make me mad by telling me. In my gut I knew nothing happened so I let this one go. So that is why there is insecurities behind it.

 

Also, on the FB thing. We broke up for a while back in Nov while she was here visiting me and used FB to hang out with another guy who was a friend of a friend. I had a gut feeling something happened between them but I went to Mexico for Xmas and she cried and swore nothing happened but my gut wouldn't believe her. When I got home I did some research and found the guys phone # and called him. He admitted to them kissing but I don't know if it just stopped there. She was gone for 2 days with him while she was here visiting me but we broke up. When we got together she was not easy to get with but things happen and I know she stayed with him so it could be anything. It took me a few months. I still find it deceiving as she was there to see me and still lied about it. She said she knew she messed up and didn't want to hurt me...which makes things even worse by lying about it. I have messed around with another girl while we were broken up but it was in the months of not talking the first time around Jan 10-Mar 10 but my mind has never left her and she has said the same.

 

Also she hasn't always been this way about FB. Just when we broke up in Nov since. Also she text me her new # back on July 1st but I never responded to it. That is why she told her friend to tell me hi and hope I'm doing great!

 

So there is some more bits of info I guess to ponder on. Since Nov with that guy she no longer talks to him and I know cuz of my friend from SD lets me see her FB. Doesn't look like shes talked to him since.

[GTP]

ttt. Need some advice please....not much time left. I go next Friday! Thanks ena'ers

[lavenderdove]

From what you describe she just doesn't want to settle down with you (or perhaps anyone). She is calling all these other guys (and with your own phone no less) and 'messing up' with them all over the place. And frankly it sounds like she's not being fully honest about the extent of her cheating if other guys admit to kissing her (and probably more).

 

She seems to be having fun messing a bunch of guys about while you're in the background hoping to be her loyal boyfriend, when she is being disloyal with all kinds of guys. And now if she's dropped off yet again and you aren't in contact, i would guess she's just involved in a fling with yet another guy or her ex or whomever.

 

I suggest that you recognize that words are just words, and she can say anything, true or not, but her actions are showing she doesn't want to settle down with you (or perhaps anybody) now. So quit thinking of her as if she were a steady girlfriend (or the potential for one) since she is acting totally different, and isn't taking your calls etc. She's an ex now, and perhaps that is best that she stay that way if she keeps trotting off with other guys whenever she gets the urge.

[GTP]

So the Ex contacted me last night out of the blue after 2 months of no contact via MSN. She was very vague on what she has been up to but she said she wants to call me this week to talk. I told her I was going to be in SD but she didn't comment or anything on or say she was going to be there. Will see what she says when she calls this week I guess.