Ladies plz interpret! I dont understand what she is doing!!

[hnkmp55]

Hopefully this want be too long but she has been confusing now for over a month. Her words and actions. First im 28, she is 28 and has a 2 year old daughter. The father isnt in the 2 year olds life and I love her like my own. We dated 4 years ago and broke up. She is the best friend of one of my best friends wife. We ran into each other at their wedding last november and started dating again. We moved in together in May, and got engaged. Then one night she got a call from a guy. I woke her up and said hey this guy is calling (i thought maybe it was from her work, she is in managment and the night crew would call from time to time) She said she didnt care, that it was a guy she went on 2 dates with before we got back together and she didnt know why he was calling. 3 weeks later i was up late looking at wedding stuff online, when my mother called. (she lives alone and calls at odd times when she gets lonely or is on her meds) I stepped outside when my mother and I started arguing because i didnt want to wake the baby and I also was drinking a few beers. I came back in the house after i hung up on her and realized it was 130am. Every night before i go to bed i would go in the babies room and make sure she was covered up. I did this but my fiance was in there. She wanted to know where i was at and i told her what happened with my mom. All of a sudden her phone went off. I looked down and saw she had several texts from the same guy who had called weeks before. She told me she would handle it when i asked her and I said ok. I got half way down the hall and decided that wasnt good enough. I went back and demanded she show me what she had written to him and what he had to her but she refused. I started yelling for her to show me now or i was leaving. It was 130am and he had no business texting my fiance. She said no. I packed a bag and said id be back the next day to get my stuff.

 

I stayed with my brother that night and with a friend the next. she made me move out that weekend when i tried to talk it out with her. She texted me saying I had made up my mind and that we had nothing to talk about. 3 days later I went back over there and we sort of talked. Long and short she said i should have trusted her and I shouldnt have been yelling that I scared the baby. I asked if we would work this out and she said "maybe". I called later in the week and asked to take the baby to mcdonalds to play on the playground and she said the weekend would be better. I said i would be at my brothers for the 4th of july and she knew that, (she was invited) She never showed. We were bbq ing and drinking beer all day and i made the mistake of calling her and getting into a fight. she wouldnt talk to me for the next few days. I wrote her a letter and she sent a text that said thankyou for it.

Now here is where I dont understand whats going on. She would answer my text some here and there but not all the time for the next week. I texted her about the baby and she sent back she was in a meeting at work and would talk later. I went to school and later that night called but her phone was dead. That night she called me scared asking to borrow my gun. Someone had tried to break in her house and ripped open the screen door on the back porch. I told her id loan it to her and when i got there she asked me to spend the night. I slept on the couch though she said i didnt have to. The next morning she asked me to come back that night so i did. When i got there i got a call that a close friend was on his way to the hospital with a heart attack. I went and when i got there he had passed. My fiance told me to come back and that her and the baby would be waiting on me. She was real supportive. That night i slept in the bed but we didnt do anything. The next day i took a the towel out of the bathroom to clean up a spill. Later she went to shower and came walking out naked in front of me. I said she was evil and she said well if you hadnt taken my towel.

That night i picked her up from work and spent the night again. I asked her the following. Do you still love me? she said yes. Are you still in love with me? I believe so. Does the baby miss me? Yes alot. Do you think about us working this out. Sometimes but when i do i try to stay busy. I just need some time to think about it. We went to bed, I told her I love you and she said I know.'

The next day we went out to dinner the three of us. It was like our first date again. Laughing flirting joking. We went and bought some dvds and came home and sat on the couch and watched them. Slept in the same bed again. Nothing happened. (wish it did, but didnt try) Next day I had the baby while she worked. We went by my buddy that died house to see his wife. While we were there her dad called and said he would stay the night that night. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said even with him there, she would feel better protected if i was there. I said i only want to be there if she wanted me there. She said I dont want to lead you on, that she still hadnt decided what she wanted to do about us yet. So i stayed at my brothers that night.

I had the baby a few days later and spent the night. Thats when she started to text me just to say she got off work. Or how was my class going? she did this for the next 5 days. Even calling me over to kill a snake in the backyard. When i got there, i couldnt find a snake only her in the backyard in a bikini. We talked for a bit, then i left. (also realized if there was a snake she wouldnt of had the baby in her little plastic pool outside, I think it was a sat up for me to see her in that bikini) The next night she called me and stopped by to get her spare key because her father forgot to give hers back. We talked a bit then she left. I waited 2 days and then went by and asked what was going on with us. she said (short version) that when i left she realized that she should have missed me more, and maybe she didnt love me as much as she thought she did. And as of right now, she didnt want to work it out. I told her, baby i cant make you love me if you dont. She then said No I do love you! I said well bottom line is you dont want to work it out right. She said right. So i left.

That was 11 days ago. I havent texted or called her. She hasnt tried to get in touch with me either. I guess i just dont understand if she didnt want anything to do with me, why did she call me to spend the night with her so many times. Why would she continue to let me be in the babies life? Ladies plz help me understand this because I have no clue. Also I left some things there and told her to just give them to our mutual friends wife and they would give them back to me. So far they have gotten none of my things. (little things i left like a few power tools and button up shirts) Also she swears nothing has been or is going on with that guy. Can anyone explain and Im sorry this ended up being so long as well. any suggestions on what i should do next?

[bulletproof]

she said (short version) that when i left she realized that she should have missed me more, and maybe she didnt love me as much as she thought she did. And as of right now, she didnt want to work it out. I told her, baby i cant make you love me if you dont. She then said No I do love you! I said well bottom line is you dont want to work it out right. She said right. So i left.

 

There is your answer. She is stringing you along likely because she is worried she might not meet someone else who accepts her and also her child. Do not do anything next. Let it be. If you want to continue a relationship with the child, that may or may not be a good idea, but perhaps that happens further down the road.

 

Also, on a side note, if you are drinking all day and then getting in fights with her, maybe you need to examine your drinking habits?

[hnkmp55]

I was at a 4th of july bar b que. Having some beer and cooking. Nothing too crazy. I just let my emotions get the best of me that day. I told her i didnt think it was right to keep popping in and out of the babys life if we werent going to work it out. The problem is, I love them both dearly. I am trying the no contact thing, and thought it was funny she said she should have missed me more. Its kinda hard to miss someone when they are sleeping in bed next to you. So hopefully the no contact thing works.

[lonelyandblue]

The no contact is a good idea. I can't tell what she is doing. I only wish I had the same caring person doing the same stuff. She is luck to have you. Good luck. Sounds curious about the man she was texting also. Though maybe really it was nothing and she didn't want you blowing it out of proportion.

[DN]

What she has succeeded in doing is completely avoided explaining properly who that guy is that she was texting with in the middle of the night and what she was doing with him.

[learning2relax]

She doesn't want to let you go. She is confused. You can't make up her mind. The harder you try, the further you will push her away. If I was in your shoes, I would go NC. When she contacts you (you know she will, you just don't know when) and is willing to be honest and come clean on the deal with the other guy texting her and the fact that she is confused and playing both sides.....well then you can take it from there with what you want to do and how you feel. The bigger question is if you can trust her? Will you be able to trust her again? Right now, your mind is clouded by your heart. NC will give your heart a chance to settle down, start to heal and let your head lead and help to shield your heart from harm.

 

So sorry that you are going through this. Not that NC is meant to get your ex back. I hope that she realizes what she has in you. You seem to care for her very much and her child. That isn't always easy to find.....

[hnkmp55]

I do care for her alot, and now that we have broken up I not only feel like i lost my fiance but my daughter as well. I hope she contacts me. Like I said its been 11 days and no word yet. i know thats just a short bit of time but it feels like for ever. I also realized i left some important items( my old military uniforms) in the attic at her house. I figured if i hadnt heard from her by a month, I would contact her so i could retrieve those. what do you think?

[learning2relax]

I think that is fair. To keep it to just getting your things and not being emotional about it - in a month, send her an email or text. And better yet, have a friend go by and get your things for you. You will have made it a month and don't want to set yourself back to square one by interacting with her and your feelings all coming to the surface again. I feel for you. My ex still has my things (8 mos out) and won't respond to my requests to retrieve them.

[sadchick83]

I agree with the person who says she hasn't decided what to do yet. Maybe she has gone into crisis mode and is directing all of her attention towards her daughter. He daughter won't let her down. I don't think the late night text's meant anything. Anyone could have sent them. Maybe even a guy.

 

I would go back to her ---when you feel like it, maybe a week or two. Use the excuse that you want your stuff back. Just be happy in front of her, and take it from there.