Online Dating Profile

[coolgirl]

Okay, so I have a question. When filling out your online dating profile can you mention that your only looking for LTR with no comittment/ or the fact that it wont lead to anything more ? Reason being I'm saying that is cuz I'm against marriage and dont see myself being married at all and I know some people are looking for that. How would you word it or rephrase it if you were suppose to write something like this on a dating profile ? And people not getting the wrong idea ?

[RelaxByWater84]

In the online profile I have I put what I was specifically looking for. I just said that I wasn't trying to be smart or rude but was just being upfront and honest with what I was looking. It helps weed out things although some guys thought I was being a little judgmental that I wouldn't date anyone not of my religion. Most guys have appreciated the upfrontness.

[BellaStranger]

A long term relationship without commitment sounds like a contradiction!! It's not a bad thing to be upfront about what your looking for but I would phrase it different...you can mention you are looking for ling term and commitment but that you are against marriage and want to be upfront to avoid getting involved with someone that might be important to?

[Bismark776]

I think thats the kind of thing you can discuss in person after you've been dating the person a little while. I mean if you met a guy in person and he asked for your number you wouldn't be like, "ok but just know that I'm not looking to get married!". I think its more appropriate for a, "ok we may be getting serious but lets talk about what the future might look like" discussion.

[ToF]

I think thats the kind of thing you can discuss in person after you've been dating the person a little while. I mean if you met a guy in person and he asked for your number you wouldn't be like, "ok but just know that I'm not looking to get married!". I think its more appropriate for a, "ok we may be getting serious but lets talk about what the future might look like" discussion.

 

I agree with this.

 

So you ARE interested in a LTR right? In that case, I think I would just mention that you don't want to jump into anything too quickly, but you are open to and looking to have a relationship sometime in the near future. But I wouldn't post your views on marriage, unless this is something you are extremely adamant about. I don't think you'd be leading anyone on if you didn't post it, as marriage doesn't typically come up right off the bat.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I think thats the kind of thing you can discuss in person after you've been dating the person a little while. I mean if you met a guy in person and he asked for your number you wouldn't be like, "ok but just know that I'm not looking to get married!". I think its more appropriate for a, "ok we may be getting serious but lets talk about what the future might look like" discussion.

 

I dont agree with this. I think you should put it on your profile, so a guy can read and decided whether or not he wants to proceeed... if you wait until the "getting serious" talk you will have probably both wasted a lot of time... cause like it or not, this will be a deal breaker for many people. You might not get as many messsages, but at least you can be sure that you are both on the same page if you spell it out right on your profile.

[Batya33]

I think it's very important to be direct about not wanting marriage - when I saw that on a profile I immediately skipped that profile and was glad that I hadn't wasted my time. When I did waste my time it aggravated me and I found the person who intentionally misled me unfair and thoughtless.

 

I would write "I am looking for an LTR but am not looking to be married".

[Bismark776]

I dont agree with this. I think you should put it on your profile, so a guy can read and decided whether or not he wants to proceeed... if you wait until the "getting serious" talk you will have probably both wasted a lot of time... cause like it or not, this will be a deal breaker for many people. You might not get as many messsages, but at least you can be sure that you are both on the same page if you spell it out right on your profile.

 

My feeling is that you really don't know what you'll want by the time you get to having to make a decision about it and the other person doesn't know either. If this person might make you happy and you them then you owe it to both of you to give it a try and see what happens. If you're both really happy with the relationship then maybe one of you will change your mind or you can figure out a compromise. Why close doors on people who could perfect for you.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

My feeling is that you really don't know what you'll want by the time you get to having to make a decision about it and the other person doesn't know either. If this person might make you happy and you them then you owe it to both of you to give it a try and see what happens. If you're both really happy with the relationship then maybe one of you will change your mind or you can figure out a compromise. Why close doors on people who could perfect for you.

 

I think most people know whether or not they want to get married or not. I think it's wrong to lead someone on and then expect them to compromise. Love isn't enough if two people arent on the same page when it comes to marriage.

 

I should know, because my LTR ultimately ended because my ex did not want marriage or kids. I wish he would have told me that at the begininng. Of course it didnt really come up until i was in a serious relationship with him and we were both very attached to each other, both basically stayign together and hoping one or the other would eventually change our minds. Lets just say that didnt happen and I pretty much wasted almsot 4 years of my life. I woudlnt wish that upon anyone else, which is why I stand behind my advice.

[BellaStranger]

I think thats the kind of thing you can discuss in person after you've been dating the person a little while. I mean if you met a guy in person and he asked for your number you wouldn't be like, "ok but just know that I'm not looking to get married!". I think its more appropriate for a, "ok we may be getting serious but lets talk about what the future might look like" discussion.

 

I also disagree on this point... like it or not, marriage is a deal breaker and you should be honest about what you want from the beginning. It is naive to enter into a LTR expecting someone to change their mind.

 

I have very close friends who are currently in a very painful situation because they have been together 15 years-since they were 15- and they were too young to feel they needed to talk about marriage and kids at the beginning but are finding themselves wanting different things now. They love each other more than anything else but ultimately it isn't enough. They both say that they always knew what they wanted, but never talked about it because they assumed they were on the same page, or that the other would change their mind!