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Everything posted by Bismark776

  1. I have a very difficult time seeing images in my mind. If I think of my mother's face it's just kind of a vague approximation with little detail. There are people who cannot see any images in their mind whatsoever. The condition is called "aphantasia", you may be interested in looking it up.
  2. I can say that I'm incredibly unconfident and just as awkward as you're describing this guy regarding the end of evening kiss. I need some pretty clear signs before I really feel comfortable about it. That said, I'm very active about scheduling more dates. If I had a month that was so slammed that I couldn't make a date fit, I'd still actively communicate and clearly let her know I wanted to schedule it when possible.
  3. One thing I've learned over time, after repeated disappointments, is that people tend to value and focus on certain things and assume everyone else focuses on the same things so ignoring those things feels like a slight. The reality is that other people might not even think of what you're feeling you're missing. I've done this repeatedly where I felt ignored, marginalized, or devalued because of something that I would never do yo someone else but they did to me. I would later find that what I expected and would be normal behavior for me is actually the exception not the rule. Take a step back, that could be the case here. You can always talk to them about it, say you felt a little uncared for. If you're important to these people they'll make an effort in the future.
  4. Hey, thank you everyone for your insight, analysis, reassurances, and critiques. The date went forward on Friday as planned.
  5. I did not anticipate this many responses, I figured one or two would weigh in with a quick "stop being ridiculous". Anyway, thanks for all this. Just a little explanation - I've been single for a pretty long time, I've been on a ton of dates in that time, and have been rejected, cancelled on, ghosted, curbed, etc. by all but a small handful of those dates. I do overthink and jump to a negative conclusion too quickly, but its coming from years and years of precedent. Maybe it'll be different this time.
  6. Admittedly I'm overthinking this, but I feel like I'll relax a bit if I write it out and have the outlet. A little background first: A woman and I met on an app, chatted for a bit, I asked her to coffee and we met at local place, talked for a few hours, then went our separate ways. We did both say we'd like to go out again. I sent her a follow-up message with my number and she texted me the next day. We texted a little bit but mostly just scheduling a second date which was dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. We had a good time on the second date, laughing, commonalities, etc. After the date I walked her to her subway station and we chatted for a bit there, we talked about our schedules over the next month. She's been busy on weekends but said she'd let me know if a day opened up and that her weeknights were mostly free. We talked about doing more dinners and going to beergardens (her suggestion) in the area. We hugged goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek, as she pulled back she said something like, "let's do this right" and went back in for a closed mouth kiss, which, being the awkward guy I am, was a little awkward. We kind of laughed it off and then she went to her train. I texted her a link to a recent article about local beergardens and she suggested one to go to on Wednesday (she actually picked a place with wine, remembering my preference for wine over beer). The next day she texted back that she forgot she already had plans on Wednesday and asked if we could do it Friday instead, which I confirmed was fine, so we're going to do that. So on the plus side: we talk and laugh well in person, there's certainly some intellectual chemistry there. Also, she initiated the "real" kiss, she could've just left it at the cheek. Finally, she did suggest the day and location of the date, instead of just kind of letting me push things while putting in minimal effort herself. My concerns however: while the conversation was great in person, she responds to texts very slowly and non-conversationally. She's probably just not really into texting, but it could also be that she doesn't want to invest the time/energy. The kiss was awkward and that's obviously not good for me. Lastly, the postponement from Wednesday to Friday - I can't help but feel like there's another guy (hey its only a 3rd date and we met online, she's entitled to it) and she might've bumped me because she'd rather see what happens with him first. It all just feels very tenuous and I feel like I'm going to get a "so I met someone before you, we went out Wednesday and it looks like its going to become something serious, you're great blablabla, good luck" message. I hate that I'll probably have to wait until Thursday to see what happens with that. So I don't know, I guess I'll probably just get a response or two here saying to chill out and see what happens. But interested in feedback regardless. Thanks for your time.
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