Should you listen to your gut feeling?

[Sam _]

Me and my ex broke up a year ago because we were both too immature to handle a real relationship. That was literally the only thing wrong, other than that we went together perfectly. We've just gotten back together a couple weeks ago. I'm confident things will work out but I've gotten my self-esteem to the point where if things don't work that I wouldn't have a problem moving on since we already failed once before and managed to stay good friends.

 

Anyway, she has a "gut feeling" it won't work out but, like me, wants to do any and everything possible to make it work this time. Thats her only worry about us because literally everything is perfect but the gut feeling won't go away and her gut is rarely wrong. Should we just listen to the gut feeling here or just not?

[iBroken]

Always go with your gut.....its never wrong.

[Sam _]

Yeah, but could the gut feeling just be her worrying about what if things haven't changed since the last time we were together?

[iBroken]

I guess the real question is, what doesnt she know about you or your actions?

 

If she has a gut feeling, its because she gets a vibe from you

[DN]

I don't agree that 'gut feeling' is never wrong.

[Sam _]

Nothing actually. She is the only girl I'm focused on and I have no girls on the side. We went from bf/gf to becoming close friends who knew just about everything about each other. We have a mutual friend we're also both close to and she talks to her about me constantly about how much she likes me, how attracted to me she is, and even said I'm perfect for her. I feel the exact same way and I show it. I seriously don't know what vibe I'm projecting that will give her the feeling we will fail.

[Nerdyjock]

I don't agree that 'gut feeling' is never wrong.

 

I agree with this.

 

If this were true, a Narcissist would never be wrong, nor would someone with Paranoia.

 

The gut feeling CAN be very useful in helping determine situations where the answer is not clear. However, sometimes that "gut" feeling can be insecurity, fear, justification, etc.

 

Let's put it this way... if someone questions their gut feeling, then their GUT feeling isn't really a gut feeling...is it? Because then your gut feeling wouldn't be so clear cut. If you are questioning any actions you made based on a gut feeling, you probably need to sit down and sort through your thoughts and feelings on the matter.

[Sam _]

She is used to confident boys that treat her like crap. I'm a confident man that treats her well and how a girl should be treated. The last guy she dated that treated her well was killed in a hit-and-run a few years back. Besides me, every guy she has dated treated her like crap.

 

Could that be the reason for her supposed gut feeling?

[iBroken]

Definitely - she is confusing gut feeling with "walls" and "fear"

 

That is a possibility.......

[Sam _]

She also says that she knows I would never hurt her though. In the entire year and a half we've known each other we've only had a couple arguments and. according to her, I've always made her feel safe and have never disappointed her.

[WomanWriter]

Yes...I had a gut feeling early on that my (now ex) bf was a player. It's the first time I ever had that feeling b/c I'd never been cheated on prior to that.

 

I was right. He WAS a player (and worse), but I just chose to keep going along and crossing my fingers that I was wrong (because I wanted to be wrong).

 

Your gut knows!

[The Archer]

Gut feelings are not always right. Sometimes they are and sometimes there not.

 

The reason for this is because the emotional part of the brain only needs a small trigger to connect a current situation to a past situation.

 

An example would be say someone was abused as a two year old child. The person is now 30 years old and has no conscious memory of the incident. The memory is still in there however and an uncomfortable feeling (gut instinct) can be generated by meeting someone that looks the same. It could be as simple as someone who smells the same or has similar body language. These things are more than enough to trigger an negative emotional reaction but the brains perceived danger can be a false alarm.

 

Again, the emotional part of the brain doesn’t forget things like the conscious part does. This is why things can look safe but feel unsafe.

 

The important thing to grasp though is that the emotional side of the brain can react (gut feeling) with only the slightest connection to a past situation.

 

We need our heads and our hearts to make good decisions.

[tinsch]

You say "her gut" "her gut" "her gut." What about yours? If hers says it won't work, but you want to work it out.. sorry to say man, but it is just not going to work. She'll follow her gut when you least expect her to, and you probably won't like the outcome.

[givinggirl]

I'm an avid believer in gut feelings. My gut feelings have saved me many times and would have saved me many times more if I didn't ignore them. It doesn't mean they are always right, but I would say they are 99% of the time. They are 100% of them time when I ignore them. Which is why I listen to them now. I've learned my lesson about this more than I should have.

 

Having a fear is not a gut feeling. A gut feeling is more like a premonition. What worries me is why is she telling you she feels your relationship is doomed because of her gut feeling and then staying around for the doom and gloom? Usually, when a person doesn't want to believe their gut feelings, they don't share them, they just ignore them. If she believes it, then why not end things now? I think there's more going on than her gut feeling. It's almost like she preparing you.

[DN]

Following gut feelings tends to self-validate.