All of a sudden, boom - she's not contacting me.

[Seymore]

For the last few weeks I've been hanging out with this girl at work whom I like. We'd text during work, often times after work until we both went to bed, talk on the phone, go out, etc. She said she liked me and that I make her happy.

 

Then starting Thursday - poof - nothing all day from her. We had lunch together and it was fine, but no more texts. So I texted her that night and she said she was turning in early because it's been a rough week. Ok, fine. Friday we went to the company picnic together and got along great. People were kind of teasing us because we were hanging there together, they were saying what a cute couple we make, etc. I didn't want to hover around her, so I let her do her thing and I hung with my department, and sure enough, she came back to me and sat next to me. We played a couple of the office olympics games together and she pelted me with a water balloon, so I know she was having a good time. I totally don't know where I went wrong, but I started to feel something awkward when we sat down in our lawnchairs and she moved hers away from me a little. We still talked and laughed and everything, so I don't know what's going on.

 

After the picnic, I texted her, thanking her for sharing her booze with me and she said don't mention it, I then told her to have a good night with her girlfriend - no answer. No more texts that night. Saturday afternoon I asked how her night went, she said they turned in early again and then asked how my night went. I said fine, and asked what her plans were for Sunday. She said hanging with her son. So I wished her a good day and got no response. It just seems all of a sudden that since the day before the picnic, she's dropped off the face of the earth, and I don't know what I did. I almost feel like waiting today out and if I don't hear anything, ask her if we're still cool or if I've done anything to upset her, because this is weird. Plus - she's the type to tell people when she's got a problem with them - she says this plus I've seen it, she's outspoken. So I'm confused?

[Cadence44]

I almost feel like waiting today out and if I don't hear anything, ask her if we're still cool or if I've done anything to upset her, because this is weird.

 

NO! Don't do this. I know that you want an answer, but what you're thinking of sending is confrontational and adds pressure.

 

She's backing off and it's obvious she wants some space. You have to give her that space. Don't contact her, give her lots of space and see what happens.

 

I know you work with her and it's more complicated, so just treat her professionally when you run into her there. Don't go out of your way to talk to her.

 

If she doesn't contact you with something meaningful within a few weeks, assume that it's over and move on.

[faxshadow]

Could be a number of reasons. Leave it for a while and see if she comes to you. Above all, resist the urge to talk to her about it

[Seymore]

Ok, I won't talk to her about it. I'm just really confused as to how she can go from texting me 40-50 times a day to zilch.

[LBP]

I don't entirely I agree with space into infinity. Let it sit for a week or so and then call her up and say something to the effect of "So I thought we had a thing. What's up?" I think you're well within your rights.

[Nixee]

I don't entirely I agree with space into infinity. Let it sit for a week or so and then call her up and say something to the effect of "So I thought we had a thing. What's up?" I think you're well within your rights.

 

I personally agree with this. She is acting odd, and I think it is completely normal for you to be wondering why she dropped off the face of the earth, so to speak.

 

Give it a few days to settle. Chances are things have moved quick for her and she is digesting things, or maybe has something else going on in her head. If she doesn't perk up on her own, just ask her point blank what she's thinking/why so quiet.

 

If she doesn't respond favorably at that point, that is when you move on.

[Ms Darcy]

What did this girl say at the beginning? She's not looking for a relationship or she's not ready for a relationship?

 

I think her questionable ambivalence from the beginning is rearing it's ugly head.

[Seymore]

You're right. She did say she wasn't ready. But why be super friendly, flirt, tell me you like me, I make you happy and all that (not to mention on Tuesday she had the day off and told me she missed me)...how do you go from all that to nothing?

 

It's like...if you like and respect me, like she said, at least be straight (like she claims to be) and don't confuse me.

 

Either way, I'm enjoying my day. There might be a misunderstanding or not, but my life isn't on hold.

[anya1607307555]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that Seymore.

 

I agree with LBP, give her space and then casually contact her. I suppose you'll see her in work this coming week though.

[Ms Darcy]

You're right. She did say she wasn't ready. But why be super friendly, flirt, tell me you like me, I make you happy and all that (not to mention on Tuesday she had the day off and told me she missed me)...how do you go from all that to nothing?

 

It's like...if you like and respect me, like she said, at least be straight (like she claims to be) and don't confuse me.

 

Either way, I'm enjoying my day. There might be a misunderstanding or not, but my life isn't on hold.

 

Because she liked the attention for a while. She might even come back and flirt again. But I suspect you'll get into a frustrating hot and cold pattern with her because ultimately she does not want what you want.

 

She's being straight with you. When she feels hot, she acts hot. When she feels cold, she acts cold. It's non inconsistent to her; it's just not healthy for you.

[Seymore]

Thanks Ms. Darcy. I'm going to give it a couple of days before I say "Why do I keep finding all the screwed up women?", but check back soon, lol.

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks Ms. Darcy. I'm going to give it a couple of days before I say "Why do I keep finding all the screwed up women?", but check back soon, lol.

 

LOL, if you do say that, then I'll challenge you on that because you knew something was off from the beginning.

[Seymore]

LOL, if you do say that, then I'll challenge you on that because you knew something was off from the beginning.

 

Touche. You're right.

[Shudder]

perhaps its what the people at your office said about you two being a cute couple.. perhaps it got her thinking about a number of things..

[Seymore]

I had that in mind, too. Our co-workers were really laying it on thick. It's very confusing to me because if that's the case I wish she would have said something. People have been saying things about us for the last 2 weeks, right to her face and she wouldn't confirm or deny anything, just dance around it. Then she tells me she likes me, I make her happy, last Tuesday she had off and at the end of the day she says she missed me, then this drop in communication out of the blue. Plus it actually started the day before the picnic, which confuses me even more. I almost feel like I insulted her in some way, but she was seriously all smiles and jokes with me.

 

Tomorrow I'm just going to go in and act like nothing happened, maybe instead of joining her for lunch I'll spend that time paying my bills since they're coming due anyway. If she needs space, I'll give it to her. I've just never had a girl play so friendly and then zip, zilch, out of nowhere. Friendly and then plain nasty, yes, but not this. This is new to me.

 

On top of that, early on she was talking about this other girl we work with...this girl would flirt with all the guys and lead them on. This girl I like said that she's not like that other girl and that when one the other guys at work have come on to her, she shoots them down and lets them know it's not happening right off the bat. So why not me?

[Seymore]

So today I get into work and she's all friendly like nothing's wrong, and asks if she can bring me back lunch since she has to go out to get hers. I say no and then she asks if I've gotten her texts over the weekend. I ask what she's talking about and she shows me her phone and sure enough, she sent me a couple of messages that I never got, so maybe now she was thinking that I was the one blowing her messages off. Plus all day yesterday she was taking care of her son who was sick since his father took him out and brought him back sick and with a sunburn.

 

So that's that. I'm glad I didn't talk to her about it, that would have been embarrassing for sure.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Cute. And phew, dodged a bullet on that one! And yeah, I agree with the others. In the early stages of dating, it's never good to ask something along the lines of "what's wrong?" That will surely make things worse. Especially with someone who's struggling with what they're looking for, including if they want a relationship at all. Early on, it's usually best to play it cool, go with the flow...you know the cliches. Let her have her process. It will allow for the best eventuality for both of you.

[crossflow]

Cute. And phew, dodged a bullet on that one! And yeah, I agree with the others. In the early stages of dating, it's never good to ask something along the lines of "what's wrong?" That will surely make things worse. Especially with someone who's struggling with what they're looking for, including if they want a relationship at all. Early on, it's usually best to play it cool, go with the flow...you know the cliches. Let her have her process. It will allow for the best eventuality for both of you.

 

When is too early on?

 

I'm having a similar problem with my GF of 8 Months who is blowing hot and cold and reducing the time we spend together

 

I'm figuring she's just backing off but I don't want to go just backing off as well if that's not the issue and would rather just ask her what's going on

[Lavender25]

She really sent you texts that you never got? I guess I can't think up a way that she could fake that...

 

Man, that has me paranoid. There have been times when my phone will send texts and not receive them. The guy I'm "seeing?" right now has also gone cold and I finally texted him and asked him why I never heard from him more often. He responded with the fact that he's been busy with strange work shifts and then says "two way street, right?" So I'm completely baffled. He could be texting me right now and I would NEVER KNOW!!!

[Lavender25]

@crossflow 8 months is not early on at all. She may have just gotten too comfortable but more than likely she may be losing interest.

[adamt]

sometimes you dont see the signs when you are in the middle of a relationship. me and my ex used to talk on MSN all the time, but then over time she was gradually reducing the time she was on. now we split up i look back and see all the signs that she was checking out and eventually going to split up.