Why do shy people act so stuck-up?

[simplegirl]

I don't know how to give him a chance, that is my issue.

How can I? I mean he barely acknowledges me in class besides looking at me from time to time. When i tried to talk to him, he acted like he was uncomfortable. i even told him to come over to me, and he didn't he just stood there barely mumbling a response. To me, that tells me 'oh boy he hates you, don't bother!' i thought shy people respond to others online? Aren't they less shy online or am i missing something

[RelaxByWater84]

I'm shy/introverted when I first meet people. On the flip side someone who is confident/extroverted can come accross as stuck-up in that they may say I have a ton of friends, I can't keep up with them all. While it probably is a true statement it can come accross as rude.

[moonsparkle]

they aren`t stuck up they are probably shy like u said!.....shy people for them its hard to talk to people they are a bit afraid..it doesnt mean they are stuck up....

[simplegirl]

Even if you show interest?!??

still afraid?????!

I don't get it

[RelaxByWater84]

Even if you show interest?!??

still afraid?????!

I don't get it

 

Well, it could be that they are afraid you won't like them if they aren't all that confident in themselves and when you get to know them. Most girls have talked and said they would like it if a guy was more confident.

[journeynow]

Even if you show interest?!??

still afraid?????!

I don't get it

 

If i wanted to hurt you, I would come out with it, i'd tell you "hey i dont like you".

 

That could be part of it. Not wanting to risk being vulnerable. Or, perhaps uncertain how to respond to your display of interest. Some people take more time to process interactions and their own feelings.

[sidehop]

I used to be very shy (still somewhat shy) and my first g/f told me the same thing 'you looked so stuck up!' when clearly I was open for her to approach me or any girl for that matter. Now that I look back though I didn't want to make myself look like a fool; that itself could've contributed to less smiling and trying to keep a straight face and gesture making myself look guarded.

[simplegirl]

I used to be very shy (still somewhat shy) and my first g/f told me the same thing 'you looked so stuck up!' when clearly I was open for her to approach me or any girl for that matter. Now that I look back though I didn't want to make myself look like a fool; that itself could've contributed to less smiling and trying to keep a straight face and gesture making myself look guarded.

 

 

I have a question? When you say you were open? What were you like?

 

Because the guy I'm talking about in my op, well I get really annoyed that he can talk to anybody and he seems at ease with everyone in my class including the guys, like he willingly talks to them yet in that small subtle shy way, even some girls but he doesn't ever speak to me. I think he did once but he was looking up somewhere else like he was talking to the class when he was really talking to me. It's annoying, rude and kind of unfortunate. Cause well I really wanted to get to know him. Besides his cute factor now I'm forced to believe he must hate my guts. And I don't understand why because well.. He doesn't even know me. It really sucks. Are guys this sucky?

I've spoken to his friends and they all say 'hes really shy. And smart'

 

I feel like giving up. I don't want to look like a complete moron if I attempt to say hi to him on fb when he will ignore me. Again. How rude?

[Seymore]

Even if you show interest?!??

still afraid?????!

I don't get it

 

I was and sometimes still am one of those guys. We break through our shells sometimes, and then pop right back in. Maybe we show interest and then worry that the next thing we say will take us over the edge and you'll think we're weird, so we go back into our shell again. Then when we're comfortable enough we pop out and maybe compliment your hair. You might just say "thanks" like what we said was nothing, and then we worry about what you think and retreat again. We also might worry that if we for instance, compliment you too much, you'll think something's up.

 

I've been in situations where I'd compliment a girl once every couple of days and then back off, only to find out in the end that they actually wanted even MORE attention, while I was there all along saying to myself "I want to compliment her every DAY instead of every other day, but then she'll think I'm weird".

 

I'm not speaking for all shy guys, but that's along the lines of how I would and sometimes still do think.

[simplegirl]

ugh guys/boys..

Are just confusing -.- it sucks.

I don't know what to say, what your experience says a lot

but it's stil hard to tell, you know? Like why would a guy stare in the first place?

I thought if that happens, and I like him to, and I at least acknowledge him and smile or something he would get that it's safe to talk to me?????

[telecaster]

I've spoken to his friends and they all say 'hes really shy. And smart'

 

Please, please listen to his friends. Shy + smart = probably overthinking conversation topics to the point of giving up and not saying much of anything. If you're still interested in this dude you're probably going to have to do a lot of the conversational legwork because from what it sounds like he doesn't think he has anything of worth to contribute to you. I might be way off but I bet there are insecure thoughts of "She's seems so much cooler than me, what am I supposed to talk to her about?" or something along those lines.

 

I used to be almost exactly like this, right down to being able to talk to other guys and girls in class but never to the girl I liked. It took me a few years and a lot of growing up to be able to start a conversation on my own, but totally I get the mindset he's probably in. Yeah, it's irrational to think that a person who has blatantly tried to talk to you isn't interested in you as a person, but sometimes years of feeling socially inadequate can make you blind to what's actually happening.

 

Alternatively, find a way to drink together. That can usually get shy people talking.

[Seymore]

Please, please listen to his friends. Shy + smart = probably overthinking conversation topics to the point of giving up and not saying much of anything. If you're still interested in this dude you're probably going to have to do a lot of the conversational legwork because from what it sounds like he doesn't think he has anything of worth to contribute to you. I might be way off but I bet there are insecure thoughts of "She's seems so much cooler than me, what am I supposed to talk to her about?" or something along those lines.

 

 

This! Hit the nail on the head.

[sidehop]

He's probably a nervous wreck; I'd break the ice somehow and joke around with him. You have to be non-threatening with shy people. Or else even if they know you have some interest they could tense up and try to act very cold even though they are not.

 

Shy people in general over analyze the situation especially when it comes to people like how they are being looked at, how others are thinking of them, what they can do to not upset others and not make themselves look like a fool.

[Seymore]

ugh guys/boys..

Are just confusing -.- it sucks.

I don't know what to say, what your experience says a lot

but it's stil hard to tell, you know? Like why would a guy stare in the first place?

I thought if that happens, and I like him to, and I at least acknowledge him and smile or something he would get that it's safe to talk to me?????

 

I don't know, why would a girl flirt with a guy and totally act like she likes him, and then shoot him down when he asks her out? Ugh...girls are just confusing.

[MrAnonymous]

he acted like he was uncomfortable. i even told him to come over to me, and he didn't he just stood there barely mumbling a response

 

That is definitely extreme shyness. I really don't think there is an easy solution for this, he is never going to open up to you at the speed you want. If you really like him, then just talk to him occasionally, and over time (months!) he may start to relax in your presence. At the end of the time, it might turn out he's not even hugely attracted to you... Of course, if he *is* attracted to you he'll be even more shy with you than anyone else, so that could be a good sign..

 

This is the sad reality of shyness. He's just not going to instantly open up to you. The question for you, is: Is he worth the effort?

 

i thought shy people respond to others online? Aren't they less shy online or am i missing something

 

Not true! With anonymous people (like on this internet forum), shy people are a lot less shy. But chatting with someone they actually know in real life and will meet again? As a shy person I find that almost the same as talking face to face.

 

Maybe he's hoping you think he doesn't check his messages or something. Maybe he really doesn't check his messages!

 

Then again, maybe he is simply really rude and not interested in you. It's hard to know for certain.

 

Another thing to consider is how you approach him. I remember girls in school who at the time I thought were teasing me or just talking to me for a joke because they found my shyness funny. But now looking back, I wonder if some of them were actually interested in me but I just didn't see it.

[somethngwrng]

maybe he just doesn't like you

[LightbulbSun]

We're not stuck up, we have anxiety disorders. And we're misconceived as being stuck up.

[vcygnus1]

We're not stuck up, we have anxiety disorders. And we're misconceived as being stuck up.

 

I gotta agree with that as my brother is the same way. HE comes off as a total Douche when in reality he jsut is out of place.

 

But He just realized it, went to the doc and got some xanex bars and the difference is freaking incredible. Its like where he is supposed to be. Medication isnt always the answer but sometimes it can help severe cases

 

GOod luck

[luxy]

Although I consider myself reserved rather than shy, here are my observations:

 

The fact that you even made a forum post about some guy you don't really even know being "stuck up" displays your own insecurity and lack of understanding. I find that people who are snobbish/stuck up themselves are the ones who complain about shy people being stuck up. Shy people tend to react well to genuine kindness and openness.

 

And you have to face the fact that some people just aren't going to want to talk to you or be friends, regardless of the circumstances. And this isn't because they're stuck up or think they're 'better' than you. Some people just aren't interested, period.

 

I mean, look at this way: do you think YOU'RE too good for him not to talk to YOU?

 

Rather than take offense, just move on, talk to someone who actually seems interested.

[Go Habs Go]

Shyness and stuck up are not related in the slightest. I'm shy and people do think I'm stuck up. But, I'm not stuck up at all. I'm probably one of the more down to earth people you'll meet. I just happen to be shy. Most people that are stuck up aren't shy.

[togofromhere]

i realized after having a thing for some shy guys... they act really stuck up.

like they are too good to talk to anyone?

Most people gossip about other people or every day stuff to become popular and to fit in. If it strikes me to talk I'll do it, but otherwise I couldn't care less what people say. I'm not trying to gossip or bring people down or to talk about that dumb new TV show on CBS.

 

So I am not popular and I don't fit in.

[cpc28655]

Saying that shy men are stuck up, is like saying that women in bad moods must be having their monthly visitors. It's narrow minded and just plain stupid.

[southsider]

For the strangers adding a person who they don't know, and getting offended if the "new friend" actually wants to talk, I think the "adders" only want good-looking people who add to the counter. ( for an artificial, inflated ego boost )

 

 

Second, I am leery of the word "shy":

 

1. It seems as if when women use "shy", they are legitimately RUDE. ( They won't talk UNLESS they want to find fault with someone. Then, they can use as many words as "WAR & PEACE" does in 10 min., without hesitation. )

 

2. It seems as if when men use shy, they seem legitimately SCARED.

 

 

 

I see myself as one of the rare combinations of a writer and an extrovert. I may sound harsh to some, but I can only speak from my own experiences/ point-of-view.

[Sirquacksalot]

Honestly, I'd say that alot of shy guys (I don't know about girls, but I presume the same could be true there) are pretty bitter at the world. We see everybody having a great time with eachother, meeting new people, dating, having sex, etc... and we don't get to do that. Some of us realize that its our fault, but others likely just become extremely bitter and jaded, and then when they are put into a social situation, after 5 or 10 minutes of nobody talking to them they get angry and withdrawn.

[twentiesgirl86]

We aren't stuck up. When a person is shy, they are anxious to talk to someone. I know I don't think I am better than anyone. It's just that when I first meet someone, it takes me a bit to warm up to them. However, once I am comfortable around them, I love being around people. I joke around with them, and talk to them a lot. After a while, you can't get me to shut up.

 

Edit: Just realized this post is from 2010 and someone bumped it up... lol. I still stand by what I said though.