Thinking seriously of breaking No Contact. Need opinions.

[Eddie37]

I feel I need to reach out to my ex. The reason is that she may be too afraid of contacting me for fear that I have completely cut her off. It's been 31 days since I last contacted her. If she believes that I have slammed and bolted the door shut, she won't attempt to open it.

 

I am confident that if I reach out we may be able to establish a dialogue.

 

What do you all think?

[Cadence44]

I feel I need to reach out to my ex. The reason is that she may be too afraid of contacting me for fear that I have completely cut her off. It's been 31 days since I last contacted her. If she believes that I have slammed and bolted the door shut, she won't attempt to open it.

 

I am confident that if I reach out we may be able to establish a dialogue.

 

What do you all think?

 

Do it at your own risk. She knows how to get in touch with you if she wants to. There's a reason that she's not - she doesn't want to.

 

NC was established due to your needing to heal from the end of the relationship. Therefore, it's common sense that if she wanted to resume a relationship, she'd know that contacting you for that purpose would be okay to do. She would not be afraid, since she already knows where you stand.

 

Stay NC. It is not likely to not end well if you contact her.

[jennb0benn]

I feel I need to reach out to my ex. The reason is that she may be too afraid of contacting me for fear that I have completely cut her off. It's been 31 days since I last contacted her. If she believes that I have slammed and bolted the door shut, she won't attempt to open it.

 

I am confident that if I reach out we may be able to establish a dialogue.

 

What do you all think?

 

Is that how you ended things, by making her believe that you have bolted the door closed? If so, I think this will really affect her reaction if you did break NC.

[Live-N-Learn]

Did you tell her you were going NC? Did you tell her to contact you only if she wanted to discuss reconciliation? If so, there is nothing left to do. She is choosing not to contact you because she does not want to reconcile at this time.

 

If you did not tell her this, then you may want to tell her at your own risk. But be forewarned she may not care.

[snoopydog]

If you told her e.g. 'don't ever contact me again' then you should drop her a line saying that you were emotional and not thinking clearly when you said that but you are going into no contact to heal etc etc. Be warned though it will make you feel like day one again for a while, that's how I feel whenever me and the ex talk.

[Eddie37]

No, I didn't tell her I was going no contact. Her last contact to me was that she was considering moving back to me but didn't have the money. I never responded. That was 30 days ago.

[wai]

I would suggest you to stay NC. I understand you have the urge to break NC and how hard it is to control it. Mark a date on your calendar, make up your mind that you'll call her on that day if she didn't contact you. But make a serious promise to yourself that everything you do during that time will be for your own good, not to get her back. Do anything you can to forget about her, go to gym, hang out with friends, go on a date, keep yourself busy with work etc... after 30 days, ask yourself again if you still want to call her. In my experience, your answer will be no because a lot of ppl don't want to go back to the same phase again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No, I didn't tell her I was going no contact. Her last contact to me was that she was considering moving back to me but didn't have the money. I never responded. That was 30 days ago.

 

Did she break up with you? What is your history with her? Is it possible that she was just saying this in order for you to give her money?

[wai]

No, I didn't tell her I was going no contact. Her last contact to me was that she was considering moving back to me but didn't have the money. I never responded. That was 30 days ago.

 

That sounds like she is interested in reconciliation to me. Why didn't you respond? What were you thinking at that time?

[lostnscared]

I think you should do what you feel is right honestly. None of us can really tell you if you can break NC or not. You KNOW your relationship and you KNOW her. If you left on bad terms with her and want to make it up then that is fine. It's been 30 days so you've given her a good enough space(a month) away from you. I'd say if you truly cannot overcome this urge then reach out.

If you can overcome then continue pushing through NC.

I'm probably going to break NC next week--though I'm on a "break" with my bf.

 

Good luck.

[Irishguy1125]

I think you should do what you feel is right honestly. None of us can really tell you if you can break NC or not. You KNOW your relationship and you KNOW her. If you left on bad terms with her and want to make it up then that is fine. It's been 30 days so you've given her a good enough space(a month) away from you. I'd say if you truly cannot overcome this urge then reach out.

If you can overcome then continue pushing through NC.

I'm probably going to break NC next week--though I'm on a "break" with my bf.

 

Good luck.

 

I know how you feel, I am on a "break" with my girlfriend, breaks suck for real, i've been no contact with her since then because it felt like a break up anyways, i want to talk to her since we aren't on bad terms but i am so nervous and i wouldn't know what to say because i want to talk to her but i don't want to scare her off either. hmmm

[Eddie37]

I'm gonna listen to wai on this one and wait another 30 days to see how I feel. Thanks everyone for your responses.

[wildestkabs]

I'm gonna listen to wai on this one and wait another 30 days to see how I feel.

 

If you are going to use the next 30 days to focus on healing yourself, getting better, fit etc., then you would probably be in a better spot than where you are today.

 

If, on the other hand, you would still be counting each and every day that you were NC for the next 30 days while still thinking about the ex, you would probably be in the same position in which you are today. It may just end up being nothing more than a statistic without you really making progress towards any type of healing from the break up.

[lostnscared]

I know how you feel, I am on a "break" with my girlfriend, breaks suck for real, i've been no contact with her since then because it felt like a break up anyways, i want to talk to her since we aren't on bad terms but i am so nervous and i wouldn't know what to say because i want to talk to her but i don't want to scare her off either. hmmm

 

 

Yep mine felt like a break up to, but he was clear that it was just a break. I'm not going to call him, I'm simply writing him a letter. I know people say "NC" all the way, but I'm using NC simply so that both of us can have space and so I can be more independent. Which I've done. I'm actually in a good place. No crying, no more panic attacks, etc. I feel strong enough to write him another letter--and I don't want a response back from him nor do I expect one. But I don't feel strong enough to talk with him over the phone and see him.

 

This break is really so both of us can get our lives back on track(him more so than me).

 

When I feel stronger I may call or try to see him, but until then writing him a letter is theraputic for me and will serve the purpose I need.

[Irishguy1125]

Yeah, I have been using NC for that as well, she seemed like she wanted space in our relationship so that's what I gave her, she felt she wasn't putting as much as I was in the relationship so we decided on a "break" with maybe us getting back together in a few weeks when the school semester starts at college so I do have an ending point for my NC. Hopefully this will give her time to remember how great things were last semester before the summer break kicked out relationships ass so to speak haha.