Guy seeking Relationship advice.

[pmooreimages]

Hi all,

 

So I have to admit life has become a little confussing now adays.

 

lets start with a little background info...

about 4 years ago I moved to sweden to live with my girlfriend (from england) we where getting on really well and having a great time however after about 6 months Living in a tiny one person appartment together and me only having a part time job We started to grate on each other a bit. We still cared for each other alot and had no plans on breaking up..we didnt even have any real arguments.

 

Either way after a couple more months we both moved to Malta, thinking It would be kinda even ground and we could work on building a life together there. Things didnt go to well as the ressetion hit about the time we got there so neither of us managed to get a job paying enough and couldnt afford to really do anything, that added to the crazy heat of the summer and we gave up after just 6 short months.

 

then We both moved back to england and stayed with my mom whilst we saved up some cash and looked for a place of our own. I walked into a pretty good job within two weeks of being back however my girlfriend had alot of trouble and it took her about 4 months to get a part time job. now however we are both working full time but still living with my mom (its taken alot of time to get our finances sorted again)

 

Things between us where having a slightly hard time, we still enjoyed each others company alot and I know I am still very much in love with her and thing that she loves me as well. though we have not had sex in 4 months now as she just doesnt get horny at all any more.

 

now the main problem hit about two weeks ago now, she had just got back to sweden to visit friends and family and sort out new tenants for her appartment, For the whole time she was away I was missing her. Once she returns I travel up to meet her at the airport and keep her company on the way back home (bottle of wine and a picnic on the train). so we both get a little drunk.

 

once we get home we start chatting and she drops the bomb shell. "I am moving back to sweden and I think we should break up" after talking things over more and seeing if we could work things out. She says that whilst in sweden she got alot of perspective and realised just how unhappy she was living in England. She says i am welcome to come to sweden with her and we can try and work on things there but she wants us to live appart as she needs some space for awhile. Her main reasoning is that she wants to try and find herself again, after working nights for about 8 years she found she had lost most of her friends and wasnt very happy with that.

 

If I do not manage to find a job in sweden though we will be over, she will wait probably about 4 months once she gets over there but after that she will probably give up.

 

We are still together at the moment and I thought our relationship was getting alot better again and we where getting back to how we used to be, fisicaly she is still a bit distant (not just sex but she doesnt want to hug in bed much either) but thimngs where getting alot better. Last night however we had a few drinks and asked her how she felt things where going between us now but she doesnt think things have got any better at all. though her reasoning is that it may just be that she is so unhappy with every other aspect of her life at the moment and that is effecting how the relationship is as well.

 

now ive always been a worrier when it comes to lossing her I after 4 years together I still look at her and feel a warm glow in my gut but I cant help but feel im lossing her now and It scares and depresses me no end.

 

I do not know if i will find a full time job in sweden in time and I dont know if things will work out between us even then, I am terrified of lossing her but I dont know what to do

 

If anyone has any thoughts I could really do with the perspective, ask anything you like and i shall answear in full but I need to somehow set my mind to rest.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do not give up your job and move to Sweden. The writing is on the wall in this relationship...she has lost interest. The best thing you can do for yourself is to let her go and don't even try to follow her. Let her find out on her own once she is back in Sweden and you are no longer around, if she made the right or wrong choice by distancing herself from you. When someone has one foot out the door then the best thing you can do for yourself is kick their other foot out the door so that you can move on and stop wasting time with someone who is no longer that interested and wants to run away from the relationship.

[odile]

Crazyaboutdogs is right.

If you follow her now, you are not giving her the space that she needs, and will put out the last embers of whatever feelings she may have for you.

You say that there is little physical interaction between you, and that she does not even want to embrace you at night. It really does sound like she feels quite distanced.

Let her go.

 

After you two are apart for a while, hopefully you'll each gain a clearer outlook on whatever it is that will make you happiest in the long run.

[pmooreimages]

thank you for the feedback, needed to hear someone elses views. To be honest If i can find a job over in sweden I will go as I cant give it up that easily but I will be going exspecting the worst, If i cant find I a job in time, well hopfully she will feel differantly and we can start working things out with a little distance relationship but if not..well there isnt anything I can do anyway.

 

Even if i do find a job in time She will most likely be over there atleast a month before I am anyway so I hope in that time she will get the space she needs to know what she wants.

 

I cant just walk away though, I have never cared so much for someone before and still think things could work if only we can get everything else sorted in our lives or maybe I am just being to much of a coward to face say goodbye.

 

again though, thank you for the feed back, I will most likely keep you updated.

[Stay_home]

I have a feeling that if you go out to Sweden you will be disappointed and even more depressed than you probably feel right now. Stay in England, work, save up some money and then try to see where you're at in the next year or so. Maybe by then things will have changed, maybe not. Either way, I think you should start recovering as quickly as possible.

[odile]

I don't think a month is really long enough.

It takes a while to settle into a place, and if she's going to be job-hunting and house-hunting, that time will fly by quickly.

Seriously, I think you need to give her at least a few months alone before re-evaluating and even considering moving over there.