When you were dating, were they obsessed with you?

[cherryberry123]

When I think back to all my relationships, every guy was obsessed with me at one point.

My ex ex was really obsessed, almost borderlining possessive. He was with me all the time, and thought every guy was in love with me. He got jealous really easily.

The recent ex that i've been driving myself crazy over, was at one point crazy for me. He would always want to be around me 24/7. It was overwhelming and I think it somewhat led to the breakup. People always say keep work life separate from personal life, and it's better to not work with your spouse. Well, there he was...at school with me and even over at my house constantly. To me, it felt like a bit much and I think it's what led to the fighting.

 

During these relationships, I acted like I didn't like them as much and I guess they liked the challenge. They wanted to win over my heart. Well, my recent ex has won over me..but a little too late since he isn't interested anymore.

This reminds me of how people always want what they can't have.

 

A lot of my friends ask me why these guys get so obsessed over me, and I don't even know. Some friends say "I would love to have a guy crawling over me like that" . I mean, they would do ANYTHING for me to keep me happy.I don't know if this is normal. I don't want an obsessed boyfriend, it's like taking care of a dog who just obeys.Is it the people I attract?

 

Would love some opinions.

[lostnscared]

I wouldn't say obsessed but my current EX was very much borderline obsessed. It creeped me out sometimes to be honest. He was very into me a lot more then I was into him--even still I believe he loves me more than I love him. He feels that way too.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Obsession is not healthy. You might want to look into that and see why you are dating people like that. Just my opinion.

[MsDexter]

Yeah my ex was really really into me more then I was into him probably but then he left me how ironic LOL.

[Cheetarah]

I notice that I tend to attract insecure loners who do become obsessed with me. Maybe this has something to do with feeding my own ego. I've given it a lot of thought because I really want to break that cycle. I'd scan over an attractive, confident guy and zoom in on the underdog. I subconsciously picked men who I knew would make me their priority, because they didn't feel like they HAD anything. And I guess I didn't feel like I did either, because I wanted that validation so badly. I also have to say on some level, I enjoyed feeling the control in the relationship. Knowing I always had the 'upper hand'.

 

At first I just thought it was the guys I was picking...Nah, lol. It's definitely me, too.

[bwhite00]

So true about wanting what you can't have...

[annbuckley]

We have to sometimes look at our past in order to answer those questions. I just read an amazing book called the Daughter of a Narcissist. My husband was a Narcissist and i wondered what my attraction to him was - and when I looked at it - it was because he filled a void that I did not have growing up. My mom was distant and I had an absent father so of course, finding unmet needs realized - i can see why I chose him. He was overly attentive at times and obsessed at the beginning. When his needs weren't being met though - he moved on to a new supply. My mom wasn't a narcissist but it was the only book i had found about distant familial relationships. Very helpful.

[abigheart]

I guess I'm the opposite from those of you have posted so far

 

I was definitely more into my ex than he was into me. In the beginning, it wasn't like that. He was scared I'd find someone else as we started off long-distance due to college. Yet, I appeared calm and collected, independent but as the r/s progressed, I found myself more and more insecure, more and more into him. We spent a lot of time together, which he enjoyed but I'm sure nonetheless may have been suffocating.

 

I think this is the reason why he broke up with me, more so than his reasoning that he didn't want to be in a long-term r/s. I just got too clingy and needy at the end of it. It's strange because I never was nor thought I'd be like that.

 

Sigh.

 

This is difficult to think about as I don't want to live in regret but...I suppose I can learn from this for the next time.

[MnSnR]

This is the same for all of my exes. They were always madly obsessed with me and crazy about me & they always felt a lot more for me than I did them. But that's pretty much what's caused most my break ups. In the end they do get bored & can't be bothered with the effort of trying to win us over and make us happy so they leave. Even though they were the ones who worshipped us for most of the break up. Then the tables turn & I'm the one desperate for their love. I just want an equal relationship next time. I want to feel the same as they do from the beginning. Maybe it's just the way we act? I don't know.

[SocialStigma]

In the first 3-4 months, yeah. He used to have nightmares about me leaving me for my ex before him. I think it was just due to his insecurity, all his friends thought I was too good for him and that I was just dating him out of pity/boredom and he believed that too.

 

Then once he realized I did genuinely like him, he stopped being insecure/needy/clingy and was a normal boyfriend for the remainder for our relationship.

 

My ex before him was legitimately obsessed though. We've known each other since grade 3, been best friends since grade 6 (so 8 years now), he was in love with me grades 6-11 and would always try and break up me and whoever I was dating at the time.

[hater13]

not obsessed but very much in love. VERY VERY much in love, but then again so was I