I feel so down...i dont want to live

[Blondey]

I dont know whats wrong with me..I have a boyfrined a good family enviorment and friends. Its just i feel like i havent actually got ne one to talk to or rely on. What ever my boyfriend does i find a way to have an argument. Whats wrong with me. when im in a car i often find myself wishing we would crash and i would die. I constantly ache and cant bare the pain i feel ne more im not mad just sad. I always have had difficulties with my boyfriend people accusing him of cheating etc and also my bestfriend has and does lie to me so this doesnt help. I hate myself too.....i think im fat and ugly and although no one knows i often dont eat for days, just so i dont out on weight i hate eating cos i can feel myself becoming more and more fat. I hate my life and wish more and more everyday that i was dead.

[Princess777]

Blondey,

 

Welcome to enotalone. I'm glad you found this site. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so depressed. I can relate to how you feel, you probably feel like there is something missing in your life but you're not sure what it is. You don't feel whole. You don't feel fulfilled. My advice is to see a therapist of some sort, whether it be a school counselor, a clergyperson, or any adult who has some knowledge to share with you. Someone you respect. You say you don't really have anyone.... why not try talking to a relative..... that's what they're there for, your family. If you truly can't find anyone then you need to get an appointment with a psychologist or a therapist of some kind to talk all of this out. It sounds like you might need to take a break from your boyfriend for awhile to sort things out. He may or may not be the cause of your stress, it is most likely something underlying all that you speak of.

 

A lot of people think about killing themselves at some points in their lives. When life seems to be too much to handle, that's when you need to count your blessings and know that things could always be worse. Get someone to talk to, keep searching until you find someone who'll listen and whom you trust. Until then talk to us here!

[Princess777]

Another thing you can do is ask yourself what motivates you, what makes you happy, what do you enjoy doing? Take that knowledge and build on it, think of ways to express those feelings and actions in order to help yourself feel more fulfilled. For example, you are worried about your weight, if you like to work out, join a gym, or take yoga, etc...... in other words take some action to make yourself feel better about the problems. If you have an eating disorder, by all means see a doctor for help, okay???

[evepm]

Dearest Blondey:

 

I agree very much with what Princess777 has said. Please take her advice into deep consideration. Remember that you are not alone in this feelings. Everyone, including myself has felt this way at some point in thier lives.

 

Very recently, I went through similar feelings. I felt so desperate and isolated. I recognized that I wasn't in very good emotional health so i sought out help and I am feeling alot better. You can and will overcome this. You have to remember that you are loved and that you are beautiful.

 

Pleace and blessings to you,

Evepm

[AllTheseFeelings]

I have depression problems exactly like this. But don't, please don't do anything stupid that could be dangerous. I ended up in the hospital for being stupid and trust me, thats the last place you want to be. See a Dr. Tell a relative or if you have a hard time doing that talk to your best friend. May i ask how old you are please? That could be very inportant.

 

Jake

 

 

 

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W/E

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

The people who come here really care, and are giving you some great support. You may really have to take a serious look at the boyfriend situation at present. If he is cheating on you and you know it and allow that to happen. Then it is really hurting your own self esteem. He needs to be removed from the picture, until you are better capable of dealing with someone of the opposite sex. I understand the weight challenge you mentioned. And you already know this, but that can change all that. You have to make some choices, and do the hard work ahead. We all get down on ourselves, so try and not be so hard on yourself. Work off the weight (and yes it may be hard) but make it a goal. Then when you feel better about yourself (looking hot) you can re enter the dating game. That is when you will attract the right person that respects you, for who you are. What ever you do don't give up, you have lots of options to consider. Taking your life should never be an option, you have a bright future around the corner. With a little help you can make anything happen. You have everything to live for ! My neighbor lost 210 pounds and is looking and feeling better than ever. And you can too.

 

Be Strong ! You can do this

 

Kuhl

 

8) 8)

[Blondey]

Thankyou for replying to my post. Iv have taken all of your advice into consideration it does sound like a good idea to concentrate on the positeive things i ahve persuaded my mum to start yoga with me and im also starting karatie and Kick boxing! Im 17, i havent got a best friend ne more i recently found otu and realised that she had lied to me thoruhgout our 'relationship' and being very manipulative to get what she wanted wehn she wanted it. Nice eh? Some days i feel fine but then days i wake up and just think what have i to look forward to ....nothig! Id ont know why i do this? I hate myself

[lost_666]

whatever shpae size or colour you are you should love yourslef! and other people should love you for who you are! maybe you are having arguments with your boyfriend coz you are spending to much time with him. go on a break, or just slow down and step back a space. work out where you started arguming and why! you might be able to save your relationship. im no expert on relationships myself but other people have given me this info and it does work. if you ever want to talk post me!

[tea]

What's said above is really harsh, but... I think that's the truth.

 

I didn't really start walking out of my own depression and cronic suicidal attempts until I realize that... it really doesn't matter if people care about me or not, ultimately I can only rely on myself. Your parents may care about you now or they may not care about you, one day you'll still have to stand up for yourself and make a living to support yourself.

 

Your friends may love you or they may not love you... the truth is in a couple of years you probably won't even know them anymore so who cares if their feelings are real?

 

Your relationship could be workingout and maybe it'll fail... relationships now a days hardly last over 2 years... when it's over you're still on your own.

 

The truth is life is hard and it won't get any easier. However, it will FEEL a lot easier if you compare yourself to those who are having it worse, and it will FEEL easier if you just try harder.

 

Friends and family + emotional crisis all get easier if you start relying on yourself to be happy. No one can make you happy if you can't even make yourself happy. You need to know how you can be happy before anyone can help you.

 

I don't know how to make myself happy either. I'm still trying to learn and kick away my past scars and fears, even now I randomly scream in fear at the slightest dumbest things and I randomly cry for 1 hour to 15 hours. I'm not sure how I can be happy either. I DO know that if I don't find out how to make myself happy I will end up hurting those around me and those I love. I know if I am not happy my unhappiness will spread to them and make them unhappy too. Right now I have figured out how to not be unhappy. This isn't to say I'm ready for anything and I never get depressed, but when I am depressed I focus on the positive, I take a walk, I exercise, and I eat my vitamin Bs... and I keep telling myself, more than 50% of the Americans are ALWAYS in a depression, I'm not special, but if I let myself be depressed all the time those that care about me will be depressed too and there will be more depressed people than ever... then I try my best to cheer up.