My boyfriend has me asking questions

[Leelasmoochie]

I have dated my boyfriend for a few years now, on and off. And for awhile now, I noticed that he always talks about one of his male friends and I mean a lot. He talks about the dude's sex life, past relationships, likes and dislikes, shoe size, and what kind of girls that his friend likes. My sister suggested that he does this because he is the only child, but I don't think so anymore. Just recently we talked about having children and he just volunteered that him and HIS friend would never inside a chick. Im like "wha". What does your friend have to do with this, and he's like "ohh well I just remembered this conversation between me and him years ago, so its nothing." He talks about what guys I might find attractive and he talks about his friend's shoe size. When this friend is around he can't pick up the phone or he if I catch him before he sees this friend he only has one word answers. He has pictures of him and the dude but didn't want take any with me until his friend got a girlfriend. I joked about liking gay porn, because the more men the better, he put one on and wanted to have sex. I have nothing against gay men but I just want to know if he is. When I told I thought he was gay, he didn't get offended he just said it was because he was raised by his mother. I would have left it at that but his mother is married to a man for his whole life. I think she got married when he was two to her current husband. And even that guy tried to push him to girls and more manly things then gave up when my bf turned 16. I just want to know if I am wasting my time.

[DN]

I would be concerned too about his sexuality. I think a frank and open talk is required here.

[ramcoro]

Bromance... maybe.

 

Okay well, it is completely normal for two guys (including straight guys) to have a very close friend. Maybe he sees his friend as his brother? Since he doesn't have any brothers of his own.

 

The gay porn thing is a little weird. I would never watch lesbian porn.

 

Well whether, you are wasting your time is up to you. You already brought it up to him, so I don't think he'll change his answer about it. It is quite possible that he is straight, just effeminate. Ask yourself if you want an effeminate man. You may never get your answer to this question, so you might have to be prepared to have that question always lingering in the back of your mind. It isn't really whether you can handle his possible gayness, but it's more whether you can handle not knowing.

 

Unless you plan on marrying the guy. Which that's another story. Seeing how it's been "off and on" it will probably continue like that, until one of you decides to end it forever.

 

Can I ask you two things?

 

-How long has he known his friend?

 

-Who broke up with who and why?

[amiami19]

That is odd a little bit. He may be bi-sexual.

But I doubt it, I know guys who are really close, even though his mother is married he may feel like he never really had a relationship with his father.

The whole, gay porn, guys are like, they will pretty much do anything if they can get their girlfriend to be kinky.

But you should just ask him point-blank. Are you gay? Yes or No. End of story.

[lukeb]

How old is everybody here?

 

Only really you can answer the question whether you are wasting your time. If you feel you are wasting your time, then probably you are. I wouldn't focus so much on the relationship he has with others and read things into them. Can you accept him the way he is right now, can you accept his relationships with his friends. These are the questions you should be asking.

 

Thinking that he will change, or thinking you will only be his gf if he is willing to change are usually recipes for disaster.

[FathomFear]

But you should just ask him point-blank. Are you gay? Yes or No. End of story.

 

As a FYI, this question rarely achieves anything. It presupposes that the person is aware or has accepted his own sexuality. It's very possible that he's gay and in denial, and very well might believe that he's 100% straight.

 

This is a minor point, but I felt compelled to point it out. It's relatively common (for straight people especially) to assume that all gays and lesbians are aware of their sexuality and that some just keep it "hidden" longer than others. That's not how the closet works.

[Leelasmoochie]

Bromance... maybe.

 

 

Can I ask you two things?

 

-How long has he known his friend?

 

-Who broke up with who and why?

 

He met his friend when he was 13. And he must have told me this story a thousand times. His friend was the bad bully of the school who made him laugh. The dude saw him laughing and wanting to be his friend afterwards. His friend was also, and still is, his protector. His words. The dude is younger than my bf by a year and some change but my bf considers him to be his older brother because of the way he is in charge. His words not mine.

 

My bf is the oldest out the group. He's 27, im 26, the best friend is 25/26 and his new gf is 24.

 

And it was me who broke up with him because of his lies. He lied so much but has since came clean with some things. I like him but I feel like something is terrible wrong. When I am with my friends I am the same person, but whenever he is around this one dude he is completely different. he admits that they talk on the phone for hours and he ignores my phone call cause he don't want to interrupt his friend.