What does it mean when an ex contacts you out of the blue?

[Fishman]

I don't know if you necessarily did the wrong thing. A little over a year ago I had a terrible breakup, where the girl cheated on me with another guy and I didn't know about it until she ran away with him (he was always "just a friend"), and was pretty cold blooded about the whole thing. She then proceeded to try to reach out to me over phone, text and email several times after the break up. It was maddening. I ignored it for awhile until I was sick of it, and really unloaded on her. I haven't heard from her since, which is definitely for the best even though I was pretty busted up about the whole thing long after that.

 

Angry last words suck, but sometimes they are necessary to move along. And I wouldn't go too in depth about his intentions, because you never really know. What matters is how his actions affect you. Especially if the other person doesn't understand the hurt they have caused. It's up to you to decide if your ex falls into that category. If he does, I wouldn't feel bad about it. You just stood up for yourself. Nothing wrong with that, even if it isn't very satisfying after it goes down.

[Live-N-Learn]

It is best not to respond in most cases because they are not reaching out to reconcile. If you do respond it is best to say something like this:

 

Having a busy summer, doing really well.

 

The best revenge is living a happy life without them.

 

Your response has put you into a funk because you really do not know why he reached out to you. Sorry, but now you have to either let it go or contact him and apologize for being kinda bit*y if you want him back.

 

If you don't want him back then let it go.

 

What you are now going through is exactly why we tell people over and over on this site not to break NC unless they are seeking reconciliation.

[Hell_On_Heels]

I'd think if he was truly sorry or had something important to say, he'd email you or let you know in some way besides a text. Maybe it's just my age here, but to me texts are the most casual (borderline rudest) form of communication there is.

 

Your reply was fine. If he's up to no good, you shut him down. If he has good intentions, he'll find another way to let you know that. JMHO

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks for your reply. Are you saying that it may have just been his ego? That he was seeking to appease some of the guilt so to speak? It just drives me mad not knowing what he was after.

 

I'm saying that only he knows what he wanted.

 

What is more disconcerting is that one little contact from him seems to have sent you off the rails hon. You ended this relationship, you are dating someone else. If you would entertain getting back together with your ex, the bigger point is that maybe your head and heart are not really in this relationship with the new guy.

[Traveler27]

I'm saying that only he knows what he wanted.

 

What is more disconcerting is that one little contact from him seems to have sent you off the rails hon. You ended this relationship, you are dating someone else. If you would entertain getting back together with your ex, the bigger point is that maybe your head and heart are not really in this relationship with the new guy.

 

Oh Ms Darcy, I know it is disturbing to me as well. I wanted this character out of my life. He really got a strong hold of me, charmed me, convinced me of his love and devotion and then began pulling away. He is an emotionally unstable person that I should stay away from -- and have. But the stupid text is haunting me now. My head and heart are still with this maniac that played with my deepest emotions, professed his love (and even proposed marriage), and the pulled away when I least expected it. I suspect his ex-girlfriend entered the picture at some point during our 'relationship', and that maybe he might have reconciled with her briefly.

 

I just don't know. I am definitely not over him. I never felt such a strong connection with anyone, but I don't want to get hurt again (or damage my pride).

[Ms Darcy]

My head and heart are still with this maniac that played with my deepest emotions, professed his love (and even proposed marriage), and the pulled away when I least expected it.

 

Is the new guy you are seeing even on your mind dear? Is the new guy your bf or someone you are just dating?

[Traveler27]

Is the new guy you are seeing even on your mind dear? Is the new guy your bf or someone you are just dating?

 

Yes, he is. It's just that he (the new guy) is extremely busy and I hardly ever see him, so it's frustrating. We've been seeing each other for 4 months, and quite frankly, I don't know what we are. We are certainly no longer dating, so I suppose he is my boyfriend - although he doesn't feel like my boyfriend because my time with him is so limited due to his work. So confused.

[Ms Darcy]

It sounds like you jumped from the last relationship into this one and now you are doing some inevitable comparisons.

 

If your heart is not in this one, why would you continue the relationship? Please don't make it about what he's doing wrong. Think carefully about whether or not you are in the state to even pursue improving the relationship.

[Traveler27]

It sounds like you jumped from the last relationship into this one and now you are doing some inevitable comparisons.

 

If your heart is not in this one, why would you continue the relationship? Please don't make it about what he's doing wrong. Think carefully about whether or not you are in the state to even pursue improving the relationship.

 

My heart is not in it because I feel like this new guy is not giving me the time and attention that I need and deserve. I want to stay with him, and there are qualities about him that keep me involved, but it is so difficult having any passion in a relationship with someone who is so obsessed with work. So therefore, I don't know if there's anything I can do to improve the relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

My heart is not in it because I feel like this new guy is not giving me the time and attention that I need and deserve. I want to stay with him, and there are qualities about him that keep me involved, but it is so difficult having any passion in a relationship with someone who is so obsessed with work. So therefore, I don't know if there's anything I can do to improve the relationship.

 

Are you preparing to leave the relationship then? It definitely sounds like a source of frustration for you.

[DannyC]

The same thing happened to me recently after 6 months apart when she moved on in a few weeks. She wants to see if she still has a hold on you or you are still the back up plan. I reckon my ex had an argument with her new lover but she has not contacted me again and. I did not contact her so I guess they have made up and are at it like Rabbits again. Life SUCKS !.