I'm going to tell her I still love her

[KevinR]

After the turmoil that the last few months of my personal life has been, I've realized something. I'm still in love with a girl that I've left, and I'm going to tell her that I am.

 

The story is more complicated than that, I suppose. We met in high school through a mutual friend (we went to different schools.) We got together in October of 2006, and broke up in September of last year. After a month or so, we got back together for another month. During this month, I had convinced myself that her and I were going nowhere, and broke up with her again.

 

After a month of no contact, we started talking and became friends again (with benefits, actually; the sexual tension between us was a little impossible to deny I'll admit.) At this point I was still convinced that her and I were meant to only be friends. Last month, she told me she wasn't ready to be my friend yet and asked for distance over the summer.

 

Since then, however, I've realized that I still love her.

 

I began to recognize that everywhere I look, I see things that remind me of her and that she finds herself on my mind several times a day, every day. I miss the little things we had, the pet names, the conversations, everything. I even miss her family.

 

I've sent her a message asking for a face-to-face conversation, to which she hasn't yet replied. I plan on telling her that I still love her. But I'm scared that she won't feel the same, or that she does but doesn't want to risk being with me again. I don't deserve another chance with her, but I want one so badly that I'm going to ask her for one. If she says no, I'll be heartbroken.

 

I wish love wasn't so hard.

[dre760]

Wow.. If I could only put your words and thoughts into my ex's head.

 

 

This is just a classic example of how NC works. She is moving on, distancing herself from you, and you are starting to realize what you guys actually had. Now you want her back! I hate how only guys do this. I wish my ex would feel this way and I'm sure almost 100% of male readers will feel this way too.

 

I'd say go for it. Apologize from the bottom of your heart. Tell her you still love her. You shouldn't expect anything from her. You broke up with her and have to work to get her back. This isn't going to be easy. She has a wall up right now that will protect her from getting hurt again. Breaking down that wall will be hard. But it is very possible. Best to luck kid. Keep us posted!

[Mauxly]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. However, if she's got an ounce of self preservation she'll run for her life. You've hurt her repeatedly, you've been confused about your feelings, you likely only want her now that she's unavailable and if she takes you back you'll grow uneasy again and hurt her again.

 

Maybe you should get some counseling before you try to get back into her life?

[MikNomis]

Well, you dumped her once, and dumped her twice. Then while in friends with benefits she tells you she can't do this and pulls away from you and then you realize she's the one for you? I don't know, I'm skeptical. Might just be that you're interested in her unavailability towards you.

 

Do tell her how you feel and that you're sorry, but accept whatever answer you receive like a man.

[KevinR]

Well, you dumped her once, and dumped her twice. Then while in friends with benefits she tells you she can't do this and pulls away from you and then you realize she's the one for you? I don't know, I'm skeptical. Might just be that you're interested in her unavailability towards you.

 

Do tell her how you feel and that you're sorry, but accept whatever answer you receive like a man.

 

When you say it like that, I sound like a terrible person. A label I perhaps deserve.

 

I really am serious about this. And I'm going to do exactly that. I'll tell her how I feel, and accept whatever her reaction/response is. If she chooses to throw her drink in my face and never speak to me again for the rest of my life, then so be it.

[itsallgrand]

What do you have to offer her this time around?

 

I think if you are serious about loving her, you'd be better off giving her a chance to come to the conclusion herself that you love her. By showing her.

 

Otherwise, it could blow up in your face quite easily. And be unnecessarily difficult on her, putting pressure on her when you tell her "you love her". I think it'd be not only a bit selfish on your part to pop that at her now, but also bad strategy.

 

just an opinion. Give her a chance to see something different first. If you tell someone you love them, isn't it better if they have reason to believe it?

[Ac143]

We always want what we can't have & I hope that's not the case here. If for some strange reason she takes you back after being hurt so many times by you...I hope you dont get "bored" then dump her again.

 

Please think about what you are doing before you go and tell her how much you love her and want her back.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, you dumped her once, and dumped her twice. Then while in friends with benefits she tells you she can't do this and pulls away from you and then you realize she's the one for you? I don't know, I'm skeptical. Might just be that you're interested in her unavailability towards you.

 

Do tell her how you feel and that you're sorry, but accept whatever answer you receive like a man.

 

This is such an excellent point. I know it's not a point you want to hear, but it's a valuable one. I personally would feel very skeptical about someone who dumped me twice and then only wants me when I finally walk away.

[SocialStigma]

Not to rain on your parade but don't expect her to take you back eagerly, or else you will likely be sorely disappointed. I know that if I was dumped multiple times by the same guy, my pride would prevent me from giving him another chance.

 

If she does give you another shot, know that you have a long road ahead of you to prove to her you're serious about your feelings for her and it's not just a "want what you can't have" scenario.

[Atticus90]

Well, you dumped her once, and dumped her twice. Then while in friends with benefits she tells you she can't do this and pulls away from you and then you realize she's the one for you? I don't know, I'm skeptical. Might just be that you're interested in her unavailability towards you.

 

Do tell her how you feel and that you're sorry, but accept whatever answer you receive like a man.

 

nice

good advice

[abitbroken]

Well - you can still love someone - but do you love her or do you love her and want her and are willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work? If you just have fondness for her, then leave her be, but if you realized your mistakes and are ready for a mature relationship with her and not in your mind "deciding it was going nowhere" and ignoring what was really going on in front of you and not in your head.

 

Just be prepared, as was said before - when you keep dumping someone, a little bit chips away in their heart every time.... so be prepared that she might not be jumping up and down initially.

[FreeForLife]

I say go for it IF you truly feel and mean it this time but be prepared for her to say no. You toyed with her heart twice already and she may have decided that giving you another chance is not worth the potential hurt she'll go through again.

[KevinR]

Well, I did it yesterday. I told her. And it went pretty well. She's willing to give it a chance and to see where things go without rushing into anything.

 

Thanks for the sound advice, guys.

[FootofGod]

Well, I did it yesterday. I told her. And it went pretty well. She's willing to give it a chance and to see where things go without rushing into anything.

 

Thanks for the sound advice, guys.

 

Lucky

 

She better be the one to leave you if it comes to it this time around.

[TSandullo]

Lucky

 

She better be the one to leave you if it comes to it this time around.

 

Congrats dude.

 

Now don't get cocky and be a douchebag after this. You have a lot of work to do now.

Getting back is one thing, but now the greater challenge has arrived: Staying together.

 

Funny, as I type this I am listening to 'Stay' by bodywork

 

TC dude

 

TS