baxxter Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 It's been a week since break up and I am FREAKING out that he will just turns up at my door and say, "B, am here to get my stuff back." I know he has the right to, but I just am not ready to face him. I am not holding onto his stuff as ransom and such, I will return them in a week or two, but I just can't have any contact with him. It will hurt too much. I don't want to send them to him either, coz they are heavy and cost too much, and might send the signal to him that I'm angry. (And too dramatic!) Should I send him an email to say not to come by? My friends opposed to it. Any thoughts? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Does he have any of your stuff? Link to comment
moving Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 I suggest emailing him to ask when he wants to come by and get his stuff, and asking a friend of yours to be there to give him the stuff at that time. That way, you don't have to be there, but you don't create a situation where he's upset that you aren't returning his things. Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 He doesn't have any of my things, no. Can't think of anyone who would do that for me, actually. My initial thought a week ago, was to invite him when am ready, and give him his stuff and a letter explaining my thoughts, like the reasons he stated for break ups can be just misunderstanding and I only meant well for both of us etc. I wanted to do this to fully express myself to him so I won't have any regrets when moving on, and if he reconsider that would be bonus. But I just am not ready to do that. I'd rather break NC and ask him not to contact me on his stuff for now... Is it asking too much for me to have some peace, then closure? OMG, he will pop in and ask for his stuff back, with the same cold face he had when he was breaking up with me..... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 If I were you, I would email him and tell him that you will be leaving his things on his doorstep or in his garden. Seeing him will do you no good. If writing that letter will make you feel better then do it but I don't think that will do any good either. If you write it, whatever you do don't beg or plead. Is your break up story on here? Link to comment
AmadeusXXI Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Is it possible to get a friend to act as a messenger? Or a courier? Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Thank you ppl! I have been posting like crazy in past few days, it's my healing measures, but yes, my story is up here, mostly in "breaking up". If I were to write, I will do it for myself, when I know I can take ANY reaction (inc. no reaction) from him. He doesn't have lawn, lives in tall block of flats, damn! Um, no, don't have any mate in this town. I might bite the bullet (cost) and post it.... but seem to dramatic, in my eyes? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 I had the same trouble with my ex the first time around with stuff. I was scared to ask for my stuff back because I knew that would be it, final. It took me two weeks to ask for my things. He kept saying he would bring them but everyday made up an excuse. I snapped after the two weeks and demanded them back. Looks like I'm gonna have to do the same this time. I've asked 3 times now and he hasn't given it back. This time is different. There is no hope of getting back together and I want and end to it now. He doesn't respect me enough to even let me have that end though it seems. If I were you, I would get the stuff situation sorted as soon as possible. Holding onto things doesn't change the fact that it is over. It prolongs the pain if anything and it also doesn't impact on a future reconcilliation. Is there a place outside your house you could leave them? Around the back maybe? Then you could email him, tell him where they are and come and get them when you are not home. Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 No, he does NOT "have the right to" just show up unannounced to get his things. He broke up with you and as such as forfeited his "right". You do this when it is convenient for YOU. YOU call the shots on this one my dear, and if it gets his tail all burred up, too bad. He lost his rights to access you anytime he wants, and if he really had wanted his stuff, he would have taken it with him when he broke up with you. Sorry - I'm in a bad mood tonight, and sick of people who think they have the right to access us when we are trying to heal. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Yeah, i'd either mail it to him, or drop off the stuff at his work. if he contacts you asking when he can pick it up, just tell him when works for you. mailing might be a way to go though Link to comment
iBroken Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 Ya, just send him an email asking him when he plans on getting his things. IF you arent ready to see him yet, then feel free to tell him this. Ask him to let you know how soon he needs this stuff. If he says it can wait, tell him that you will be in touch. My ex has alot of my stuff, and im not ready to go over there and get it yet. She hasnt asked me to come get it either. Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 Thank you people, I was going to email him.... and chickened out! Sorry for wasting your advises, but it did help a lot to know how 3rd party would think on my feelings. Thank you again. I will just hide my car this weekend and pretend that I am out. I am still freaking out... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 i wouldn't go to any extremes. do you think he would stop by uninvited? i think that if he wants his stuff, he might contact you and ask when he can come and pick it up. Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 I parked as usual but drew the curtain shut and made sure no-one can see me move in my place, but did loads of work in my back garden, came back and logged in just now. He is not the kind to pop in, usually, and he never did it when we were seeing each other, but he ALWAYS did it when he wanted the absolute control over the situation; i.e. when he was breaking up with me. Both of the times he just came around, made the announcement, and left. So If he is still mad at me, upset with me, hating me, but just wants his stuff back he is likely to pop in and demand it, while looking at me with that cold, despiteful face he showed when breaking up. Just can't stand the very thought. I am scared to death to see him right now!! Can anyone relate to it? Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Ok. I think you need to face this fear. So what if he shows up and so what if he has a sour look on his face... YOU answer the door in a calm, polite way, and be all sunshine and rainbows. DO not react to HIS mood. Create your OWN mood. You cannot control how he behaves, but you certainly can control how YOU behave. Be dignified. Be uber-helpful getting his things together. Let him know you support his decision in EVERY way. Oh, and make sure you look extra-fetching too. You really need to take YOUR POWER BACK on this one girl. Do not let him drive this bus. Link to comment
MsDexter Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Oh my I am so glad I made my ex come and pick up his stuff straight away the next day after break up. I agree I think you need to face your fears. Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 MissMolley, Yes, I know. And I will face it. I will even use the task to pull myself together and look so good every day (something I can't even do in normal days, you should see me on Monday mornings struggling to get to work all in tact, lol!) keep telling myself that I need to face it, and making slow progress. Broken, Thank you for the comment. I think part of me is afraid of the finality of the situation. I get his stuff out and that would be it, he will never speak to me again. As long as I am dreading that, then I am not moving on, am I? So I need to be ready = really moving forward. Hopefully not so long from now. Link to comment
MsDexter Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Broken, Thank you for the comment. I think part of me is afraid of the finality of the situation. I get his stuff out and that would be it, he will never speak to me again. As long as I am dreading that, then I am not moving on, am I? So I need to be ready = really moving forward. Hopefully not so long from now. Oh so do you think your holding on to his stuff hoping to keep him around? Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Not exactly, but I just want to be in the place where I can hand it to him accepting that is it. I know keeping it will not make him come back! Sundays are hard... Link to comment
MsDexter Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Not exactly, but I just want to be in the place where I can hand it to him accepting that is it. I know keeping it will not make him come back! Sundays are hard... Yeah but maybe subconsciously you know as long as you have his stuff you'll keep in contact or something and he'll be around because the first day after the break up when my ex came to pick up his stuff I felt like wow this is it and really felt like an END. Link to comment
baxxter Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 Maybe I am. That's why I say I am not ready to face it yet. I want to accept the end in my own process, and him coming forcibly to do it is not something I want. I think I am entitled to have some time to reach there. I am sure I will give it back to him very soon. I usually hate keeping ex's stuff in my house. Link to comment
MsDexter Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 Maybe I am. That's why I say I am not ready to face it yet. I want to accept the end in my own process, and him coming forcibly to do it is not something I want. I think I am entitled to have some time to reach there. I am sure I will give it back to him very soon. I usually hate keeping ex's stuff in my house. Yeah thas what you need in your own time to reach there. Link to comment
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