He's Finding it Hard to Talk to Me and make Conversation when he Talked like no Tomorrow Before.

[TearsofFate]

I met this guy online. He lives too far away to start dating but we have established plans to meet in the future. We have a casual online relationship. Nothing too serious but still something.

 

Recently he's been acting funny. He is kind to me and everything but he keeps having trouble with thinking up what to say online. We have never had this problem before when we just talked casually like friends. Once we started to talk more intimately he is almost shying away. He is the one who started talking intimately. It wasn't me. I just followed.

 

I have already asked him if he was interested in fantasy or real. He said, real. He would be very interested in meeting me and seeing how it works in the future. So I don't think it has anything to do with that. I don't think he's seeing another girl either. I trust him mainly because we talked about our relationships of the past with each other all the time and plus we ourselves are still both techniqually single.

 

So, I've been wondering why for the last 2 weeks or so he is finding it harder and harder to talk with me. He will often say things like "I'm so very sorry for not talking much recently. I hope we can talk soon". He has said this about 7 times in the last week. So he does care about us. I know he cares.

 

Whenever we used to talk he had no problem at all talking about all sorts of things and asked all kinds of questions for years...and now he has tremendous difficulty talking and is aware of it...

 

I want to be able to help him relax and just talk normally again. I don't really know what's going on. I've been thinking of backing away a bit. Maybe all the talking about "meeting up" or...cute talk made him forget about other subjects. I always try to talk about all kinds of things...but even then he finds it hard to write and apologizes like it bother's him that he's feeling so off.

 

Does anyone know what this is? I don't think he is losing interest in me, or else he wouldn't make so much of an effort to always say sorry. I don't like it when he apologizes so much because I just want him to feel alright around me. =(

 

I never complain to him or anything either. I talk to him like I have been for 5 years now. Happy and cute talk. I'm respectful to him as well.

[rosephase]

You've been talking to this guy without meeting him for five years?

[Periwinkle.]

People just run out of new things to say eventually.. the relationships loses it's excitement. This happens irl too, but it's harder online since all you can do online is talk, really. I'd say try to meet him as soon as possible but don't pressure him. Or maybe try webcam chat?

[kirk]

I can't really help you Tears because I'm in a very similar situation...except I'm the bloke who's been shying away.

 

Reading this, however, has made me think about whether or not the girl I know may be thinking along similar lines as you. Perhaps it's time I brought things back to the way they were...

 

In any case, best of luck to you. I hope the rest of ENA can help you.

[TearsofFate]

You've been talking to this guy without meeting him for five years?

 

We talked fine for 5 years as friends. We only recently started talking intimately for about 2 months so this is fairly new. He was happy the feelings were mutual.

[Puckdog27]

He probably has either come to realize that after 2 months of "intimacy talk" that you still havent seen each other, so nothing is ever going to come of this, or he has found someone more local and is slowly fading away

[kaoticbaby]

Maybe all the talking about "meeting up" or...cute talk made him forget about other subjects.

This is a good point. I find sometimes that once the dynamic changes in a relationship, it's hard to remember what it was like beforehand. So, once you started talking romantically, it is possible that it became hard for him to remember how you talked about normal, everyday subjects. (not that he has forgotten, but more like...he doesn't know how to initiate it and if it is still appropriate) i don't know if i'm making sense, but it makes sense in my head because i've felt it happen to myself in the past.

 

i would try initiating a conversation about something random that has nothing to do with the two of you...for instance, start a conversation along the lines of "hey...you hear about [such and such] that happened in the news?"

 

this would keep it casual and lighthearted and would not bring up feelings, which may make him more comfortable. if he doesn't take the bait, then you may have to just accept that he's withdrawing from you for whatever reason (maybe he doesn't want to be so emotionally invested with somebody he can't physically be with, maybe he has other things going on in his life, etc.)

[TearsofFate]

He probably has either come to realize that after 2 months of "intimacy talk" that you still havent seen each other, so nothing is ever going to come of this, or he has found someone more local and is slowly fading away

 

We agreed on meeting a while from now though. He lives much too far away for us to meet up anytime soon. We'd have to wait maybe even a year to get the plans in motion. He knew this before we even started talking intimately though. =(

[Puckdog27]

We agreed on meeting a while from now though. He lives much too far away for us to meet up anytime soon. We'd have to wait maybe even a year to get the plans in motion. He knew this before we even started talking intimately though. =(

 

Doesnt mean he hasnt changed his mind

[TearsofFate]

Thanks for the advice. I did initiate lots of really random things on purpose actually. Sometimes they worked and other times they didn't. Sometimes he'd talk a lot but even still, seemed a bit off. He acts like he watches everything he says.

 

He often says he's really tired, been busy with school, and will even say he didn't know I was online. To me this is really strange because he never said anything like that before two months ago. Now he seems to not have any excuses and just says "I wonder why I am so off. I just can't think of what to say. Don't take it the wrong way. I am so so sorry for being like this."

 

I always assure him everything is fine (because I don't want to make him feel bad or mess anything up).

 

The first section about not knowing how to initiate and if it's appropriate might seem to fit this. I know I always used to pretend to fall asleep whenever I was with my ex boyfriend because I was too nervous and afraid of messing up. Another ex boyfriend of mine also always pretended to be asleep if I ever mentioned certain things that he was too afraid to try doing (like ...being intimate for the first time in his life).

 

So part of me thinks, he might have gotten nervous, or has forgotten what it was once like. It is a shame though, because I am starting to slowly move on from him and lose interest ..but very slowly. I miss the guy from before very much =(

[TearsofFate]

Why have you been shying away?

[TearsofFate]

I can't really help you Tears because I'm in a very similar situation...except I'm the bloke who's been shying away.

 

Reading this, however, has made me think about whether or not the girl I know may be thinking along similar lines as you. Perhaps it's time I brought things back to the way they were...

 

In any case, best of luck to you. I hope the rest of ENA can help you.

 

Oops, that was for SpiritSharD. Why have you been shying away from your girl?

[kirk]

Oops, that was for SpiritSharD. Why have you been shying away from your girl?

 

Long story short, our conversations were very personal and we often spent hours talking. I never expressed feelings of interest to her and I doubt I ever will, given my characteristics. I have self-esteem and jealousy issues. As much as I want to meet the girl and possibly become romantically involved with her (if, of course, there's any chemistry between us in-person), I can't help but feel that she could do better.

[TearsofFate]

Long story short, our conversations were very personal and we often spent hours talking. I never expressed feelings of interest to her and I doubt I ever will, given my characteristics. I have self-esteem and jealousy issues. As much as I want to meet the girl and possibly become romantically involved with her (if, of course, there's any chemistry between us in-person), I can't help but feel that she could do better.

 

Oh, I see. I have self esteem issues as well. I think everyone does up to some point but sometimes they can really interfere. I used to want to stay "friends" with the online guy I know forever, so then there would never be a chance of anything messing up between us. That's how afraid I am of me not being good enough for him. I don't want 5 years of a good friendship to get destroyed even if it means the two of us never meet at all.

 

But when he started to show interest I couldn't help myself. I started to reveal my interest. Now things just seem to have gone sour for no reason at all. =(

Because he lives far away I am doing my best to be as great as a girl I can possibly be by the time we can meet up. For now I'm stepping back, because of the strange behavior emitting from his end end taking a bit of a break from talking to him. When we talk now it seems forced and awkward.

 

He left me another apology. I'm still not sure what to do. =(

 

Best of luck to you!

[kirk]

But when he started to show interest I couldn't help myself. I started to reveal my interest. Now things just seem to have gone sour for no reason at all. =(

Because he lives far away I am doing my best to be as great as a girl I can possibly be by the time we can meet up. For now I'm stepping back, because of the strange behavior emitting from his end end taking a bit of a break from talking to him. When we talk now it seems forced and awkward.

 

He left me another apology. I'm still not sure what to do. =(

 

Best of luck to you!

 

The good part about your situation is that you know he has feelings for you. He's also continuing to show interest by apologizing for his lack of communication, rather than just not speak to you at all. It's possible that he's been having trouble in real life recently, and that you're not the only one who he's not talking to as much. He may just be feeling low and less-talkative. Give it some time and, with any luck, things should be back the way it was. Discuss this issue with him when you can.

 

Thanks for the wishing me the best of luck, however I've already given up hope by now.

 

Best of luck to you though!

[TearsofFate]

The good part about your situation is that you know he has feelings for you. He's also continuing to show interest by apologizing for his lack of communication, rather than just not speak to you at all. It's possible that he's been having trouble in real life recently, and that you're not the only one who he's not talking to as much. He may just be feeling low and less-talkative. Give it some time and, with any luck, things should be back the way it was. Discuss this issue with him when you can.

 

Thanks for the wishing me the best of luck, however I've already given up hope by now.

 

Best of luck to you though!

 

You sound so much like me. I always feel like he might not like me, and could do better than me. It's so hard to tell what they feel from online (and even in in person relationships with people!). Haha! Having low self esteem is horrible isn't it? =(

 

So, when he doesn't talk as much, it makes me feel like the world is on fire and exploding and I don't know what to do (haha). Then he apologizes and shows he must at least have some interest.

 

I think you shouldn't ever give up your interest. If she talked to you for hours about personal things she must trust you, like you, (confide in you maybe?) and these are all good first signs. She might be too shy to make a first move. I was WAY to shy to make a first move with my interest. This is funny, because I usually have no problem with flirting. He just seems to bottle me up ...because I don't want to mess up. I know that he is a bit shy. He waited for me to show lots of signs before telling me he was interested. (Took 5 years). Lol.

 

Actually, I'm a bit jealous that you have someone who you can talk personally with. Even me and my online interest don't get too personal. We always will talk as if we are both so worried in scaring each other off or something. So we avoid heavy subjects all the time...and he apologizes whenever he thinks he's crossed a boundry.

 

So you never know. Sometimes all it takes is a push..

[BriarRose]

He probably has either come to realize that after 2 months of "intimacy talk" that you still havent seen each other, so nothing is ever going to come of this, or he has found someone more local and is slowly fading away

 

This right here ^^^^

 

LD only works if you can meet regularly or develop some concrete plans of being together in the near future. Doesn't mean he isn't interested, he just realizes it probably won't ever materialize.

[TearsofFate]

This right here ^^^^

 

LD only works if you can meet regularly or develop some concrete plans of being together in the near future. Doesn't mean he isn't interested, he just realizes it probably won't ever materialize.

 

If this is the case, what should I do? =(

 

Doesn't this mean I should stop talking "cute" to him and stop bothering with it. If I do that, what if he thinks I don't like him anymore and it makes it worse?

[kirk]

Actually, I'm a bit jealous that you have someone who you can talk personally with. Even me and my online interest don't get too personal. We always will talk as if we are both so worried in scaring each other off or something. So we avoid heavy subjects all the time...and he apologizes whenever he thinks he's crossed a boundary

 

I used to do that. Every-time I got a bit too personal or made a cheeky comment I'd always apologize and say that she should tell me if I should shut up.

 

So you never know. Sometimes all it takes is a push..

 

Reality is against me, I'm afraid. Still, I'll see how things go.

 

If this is the case, what should I do? =(

 

Doesn't this mean I should stop talking "cute" to him and stop bothering with it. If I do that, what if he thinks I don't like him anymore and it makes it worse?

 

Keep talking to him whenever the opportunity arises. Keep showing interest. If you don't, like you said, he may not think you like him anymore and it'll decrease any chance of something happening. Communication is key.

[TearsofFate]

I used to do that. Every-time I got a bit too personal or made a cheeky comment I'd always apologize and say that she should tell me if I should shut up.

 

 

 

Reality is against me, I'm afraid. Still, I'll see how things go.

 

 

 

Keep talking to him whenever the opportunity arises. Keep showing interest. If you don't, like you said, he may not think you like him anymore and it'll decrease any chance of something happening. Communication is key.

 

I'm sorry I haven't replied to this thread for a while. I needed time to see how things would work out instead of obsessing over the problems and becoming overly paranoid.

 

Thanks SpiritSharD for your input and kind words as always =D

 

Things are back to normal but are lacklustre-ish (if that's even a word.) We still talk to each other normally and have our "cuddle sessions" online but I have lost the little spark for him at this point.

I'm not angry or sad, I am just comfortable with now. I've been visiting America for about 3 weeks out of a month, every month in which time I have no internet access. During those times I don't get to talk to him at all but will get an email about twice a month about how much he misses me.

 

I miss him, care about him, like him very much, but I think what I felt before, with him, was a crush. I'm over it now...and feel mellowed out. I tend to initiate conversations about the happenings in my life and other random elements rather than talk about things like love, cuddling, and cute talk.

 

We talk like regular internet friends with some cuddling. He keeps trying to "cuddle talk" with me...and gets a bit sad when I have to leave the computer to go and make phone calls or what not...He initiates nearly every hug and cuddle and even conversational start up phrase (say what? lol)....but you get my point.

 

I've lost the spark. If we ever get a chance to meet, it'd still be exciting though.

[TearsofFate]

Forgot to mention one other thing. (I don't know who still reads this thread but here it goes anyway....)

 

I've been trying to avoid talking to him. I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't the case but in saying so would just be lying to myself.

 

When he comes online, I never say anything to him unless I feel it would be rude if I didn't for some reason or another. Whenever he starts getting "cuddly" I cuddle talk with him for a bout 5 minutes until I feel the need to leave the computer for some reason or another.

 

It's not that I don't like him. I don't love him in that way anymore though. I feel as though, if we lived closer or commuted more I might develop feelings and I don't mind that he talks cuddly. I think it's cute....but for some reason I try and avoid it and would rather talk about other things.