adonis_boy Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I met this woman who is 20 years older than me on Facebook. (I am 20.) We messaged back and forth and I discovered that she lives at a city I visit regularly every summer. I told her this and she said "We can hang out together and discover some new places! =)". I haven't replied to her yet. I do not know if her message implies something more than hanging out but I would like to make known that what I want is more than just hanging out, basically a fwb type of relationship. How can I test the waters without directly asking her and scaring her away? Should I do this on Facebook or wait for the moment until we hang out? What are your ideas? Link to comment
Odysseus Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I met this woman who is 20 years older than me on Facebook. (I am 20.) We messaged back and forth and I discovered that she lives at a city I visit regularly every summer. I told her this and she said "We can hang out together and discover some new places! =)". I haven't replied to her yet. I do not know if her message implies something more than hanging out but I would like to make known that what I want is more than just hanging out, basically a fwb type of relationship. How can I test the waters without directly asking her and scaring her away? Should I do this on Facebook or wait for the moment until we hang out? What are your ideas? Two approaches: 1) Just come out and tell her what you are looking for 2) go into standard flirting mode, and work your way up to it I'd suggest #2 has a better chance of success than #1, but it depends on the woman. How long have you been exchanging messages with her? Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I met this woman who is 20 years older than me on Facebook. (I am 20.) We messaged back and forth and I discovered that she lives at a city I visit regularly every summer. I told her this and she said "We can hang out together and discover some new places! =)". I haven't replied to her yet. I do not know if her message implies something more than hanging out but I would like to make known that what I want is more than just hanging out, basically a fwb type of relationship. How can I test the waters without directly asking her and scaring her away? Should I do this on Facebook or wait for the moment until we hang out? What are your ideas? Play along. Ask her "And just where might those places may be...." Link to comment
Taikero Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 "What sort of places would you like to discover (with me)?" Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Yes, she wants you. Ha! Link to comment
IGlareOften Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 BAH. Come on people! A 40 year old woman wouldn't just be TALKING to a 20 year old guy. She wants it...is my thought. But yeah...be coy and flirtacious. She'll make it clear, soon enough. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 recommend her to play with your wii. Tell her she'll get a good workout from it. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 BAH. Come on people! A 40 year old woman wouldn't just be TALKING to a 20 year old guy. She wants it...is my thought. But yeah...be coy and flirtacious. She'll make it clear, soon enough. Yeah, she wouldn't risk embarrassing herself unless there was something really good in it for her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Since you are not friends with her then it can't be a "friends with benefits" situation. You want to meet her and if you find her attractive and want her sexually, you want to have intercourse with her. So, why not ask her, before you meet, if she'd be interested in seeing if the two of you click romantically, or if she means she just wants to hang out as friends. If she says she is not looking for any type of romantic connection, don't meet her. I wouldn't insult her intelligence by using meaningless acronyms like "FWB" - but also no need to ask her bluntly whether she wants to have sex. Asking her about the romantic potential should do the trick and is much more honest than pretending that you want to be a friend of hers in any way. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 My ideas on it are that you could quickly find yourself in deeper than you imagine right now. And not in a good way. At least find someone in your own city who you can check up on to see what their deal is. Even if you are just looking for sex, especially if you are just looking for sex. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I met this woman who is 20 years older than me on Facebook. (I am 20.) We messaged back and forth and I discovered that she lives at a city I visit regularly every summer. I told her this and she said "We can hang out together and discover some new places! =)". I haven't replied to her yet. I do not know if her message implies something more than hanging out but I would like to make known that what I want is more than just hanging out, basically a fwb type of relationship. How can I test the waters without directly asking her and scaring her away? Should I do this on Facebook or wait for the moment until we hang out? What are your ideas? I would wait until you meet. You will likely scare her off if you start with that on the phone. Most likely she is telling herself you will just meet and tour the town. If she likes the way you look and smell in person, you're in! It's so simple, just don't blow it by saying something on the phone or in e-mail about sex if you WANT sex. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 In my experience, older (not old!) women tend to be more direct. When they've told me they wanted to hang out, they meant they wanted to have sex. I wouldn't suggest verbalizing it--let the subtext remain subtext. Just see what happens. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 She wouldn't want to tell you she wants sex because right now she doesn't know. All women want sex, but she can't choose to feel chemistry. It may happen and may not. Link to comment
surfNski Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I dont know this woman and really either do you. She may want to get something going with you but she also may just want to flirt and have some company. I have known a few women who use the fact that you want to get them into bed to just have some fun company. Either way direct approach...bad idea. Link to comment
adonis_boy Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 Two approaches: 1) Just come out and tell her what you are looking for 2) go into standard flirting mode, and work your way up to it I'd suggest #2 has a better chance of success than #1, but it depends on the woman. How long have you been exchanging messages with her? Well, it has been like a week and it has been a total of 6 messages back and forth. It all started when I messaged her requesting her profile pic that I liked (which is not a pic of herself but a random pic from internet). She was very gentle and eager to send it to me and she sent some more I might be interested in. Then I sent her some I have. I added her as a friend and I had the chance to see real her. Then it came to the topic where we are at now. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Would you be interested in meeting her if all she wants is to make a new friend, no romance? Link to comment
adonis_boy Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 Would you be interested in meeting her if all she wants is to make a new friend, no romance? To be honest, my priority here is enjoying sex since it will be a totally new experience for me and I would like to see my chances it if it is there. If this is not she wants, then I see no reason in not being friends with her. However, if she wants a long-term relationship, it's a no-no. I will be visiting her city only once in a year and I can't seem to find a logical purpose in pursuing a LDR with this lady when I will be starting my masters education in another country, in a few months. This is a decision I have set in my mind for all the women I will be seeing before going for study abroad, not only her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 To be honest, my priority here is enjoying sex since it will be a totally new experience for me and I would like to see my chances it if it is there. If this is not she wants, then I see no reason in not being friends with her. However, if she wants a long-term relationship, it's a no-no. I will be visiting her city only once in a year and I can't seem to find a logical purpose in pursuing a LDR with this lady when I will be starting my masters education in another country, in a few months. This is a decision I have set in my mind for all the women I will be seeing before going for study abroad, not only her. So, you would be interested in being friends but if she definitely is just looking for a friendship it would be a waste of your time to meet her, right? Then I would be honest with her about your intentions so that you dont' waste her time. And, of course, discuss with her what she would do if a pregnancy resulted (even if you use protection), since it sounds like you want to be able to have a quick fling with her, no strings attached. Link to comment
adonis_boy Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 So, you would be interested in being friends but if she definitely is just looking for a friendship it would be a waste of your time to meet her, right? Then I would be honest with her about your intentions so that you dont' waste her time. And, of course, discuss with her what she would do if a pregnancy resulted (even if you use protection), since it sounds like you want to be able to have a quick fling with her, no strings attached. So you are saying that I should directly ask her "Do you want to have sex with me?", did I get it right? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 So you are saying that I should directly ask her "Do you want to have sex with me?", did I get it right? I think you can convey the same message by saying something like "I'm really interested in meeting you and hanging out with you but I'm really not looking to make new friends or to find a serious girlfriend -- I'm hoping we can meet up, have some fun, and go with the flow" Link to comment
adonis_boy Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 She asks me when I will be arriving so that she can start making plans on where to meet. I don't know, why would a woman do plans for a guy who is 20 years younger than her? Just to be friends? I mean, it sounds odd to me but all people are different. Maybe it's because I have never been in this situation before. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 She asks me when I will be arriving so that she can start making plans on where to meet. I don't know, why would a woman do plans for a guy who is 20 years younger than her? Just to be friends? I mean, it sounds odd to me but all people are different. Maybe it's because I have never been in this situation before. Well, you have no idea if she is the age she says she is or if she is a he, right? Link to comment
savignon Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 I think you can convey the same message by saying something like "I'm really interested in meeting you and hanging out with you but I'm really not looking to make new friends or to find a serious girlfriend -- I'm hoping we can meet up, have some fun, and go with the flow" PERFECT advice!!!! Love it. Link to comment
adonis_boy Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 Well, you have no idea if she is the age she says she is or if she is a he, right? No, she is not fake. She has all real photos and albums of her uploaded on Facebook and she has her friends and her commenting under them about the events. She even has a newspaper article about her saving a client's life, by calling the ambulance when he has a heart attack, while talking to her on the phone. She messaged me telling we are going to have fun so it sounds good, right? Link to comment
savignon Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 She messaged me telling we are going to have fun so it sounds good, right? Yes, it sounds like she might be interested in hooking up. That doesn't mean it's *all* she's looking for. It would be in your own best interest to be as up-front as possible. Bataya gave a great suggestion and even offered to you how to say it. She has no idea that you only want sex and don't see much point to meeting her otherwise. That's a little unfair. But if you're clear and she's game...then you can both enjoy whatever happens. Link to comment
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