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Should woman initate the second date?

dancingcolors

By dancingcolors
in Dating Advice

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dancingcolors Collaborator

dancingcolors

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Hi. I met this guy on craigslist and we went out last friday, and had a great time. He said he had a great time too.

 

He was a little odd. First he asked me to marry him. I said o.k. I thought it was a joke. Then he keep saying things like when should I get the tux, what date do you want to set? I still thought he was just joking around.

 

When he first saw me, he told me right away how pretty he thought I was. Then he said he didn't think he had a chance not being good looking. i told him he wasn't bad looking. He kept telling me how much he loved my eyes.

 

Then in the middle of all of this, he is talking about his 13 year old daughter, and how he can't really be in a relationship, because he is a total single dad with her, and he won't be jealous if I go out with other guys.

 

Thru all this, we were actually having a really good time. We went to this coffee house, and it turned out being happy hour, and then this really good band started to play, and then we got fondue, and got a little buzzed off of the wine in it actually.

 

He also gave me two CDs he made for me of music. I had his number, because he put it on the craigslist response. I had called him on his cell phone to set up a meeting. so then he says, call me whenever you want to get together again. I say, do you have my phone number on your phone? You can call me too. He said he thought he did. My craigslist ad is still up, so he could always find me that way.

 

So we stay till the place closes, he walks me out to my car, and says, can i come home and live with you? No hug or kiss. Just that. Also, at the coffee place I said I needed to go home and rest, and he says, can I come rest with you?

 

I leave. It was fun. I am 57, and kind of old school. He is 61. And I did think he was cute, and there seemed to be chemistry between us.

 

I haven't heard from him, It has been a week. I feel like the guy should initiate the second date. I am feeling like his conversation was full of mixed messages and kind of odd, even though at the time I thought he was just kidding around. Maybe he was nervous. He is really into his kid, and the sole parent.

 

What do you guys think? Is he nice and nervous or was the stuff he was saying too weird? And I haven't heard from him. He told me he had a great time when we left, and I think that he did. I told him I had a great time too, and made it really obvious I would like to see him again.

 

Oh yeah, he told me he was never married before, and would like to be married before he dies to see what it was like. He actually seemed like a really good, nice guy.

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savignon Collaborator

savignon

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Have you considered joining link removed or eharmony? You seem like a really cute and nice lady and I think you could easily find a guy who's interested in a relationship and can take the lead in asking you out. This guy doesn't seem like the right fit for you or what you're interested in.

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browneyedgirl36 Rising Star

browneyedgirl36

Posted
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Thanks for the input. I guess it was fun, I need fun. With my brokenheart, I am not very objective. That is why I am asking for feedback.

 

Well, honestly...I would be a little creeped out. Obviously, I wasn't there with you, on your date, so I don't know the context of these comments, but...even if he was *joking* about marrying you, moving in, etc., sometimes those kinds of *jokes* aren't really jokes -- they are what the person really thinks but isn't sure he should say, so he may disguise them as jokes and gauge your reaction.

 

What really troubles me is his comment that he has never been married at 61 (pretty unusual for a man) and that he wants to get married before he dies "to see what it's like." This is why I suspect his other comments weren't jokes, and for him to be making those kinds of comments to someone he just met is, in my opinion, odd.

 

I also think it's interesting that he wanted YOU to call him, but when you suggested that he could call you too and asked if he still had your number, he said he thought so (He didn't bother to ask if he could get it again, just in case?), and you haven't heard anything since. If he is interested, it seems he wants you to chase him and is willing to go a whole week without hearing from you -- and risk never hearing from you again -- because he wants to be chased. I could be wrong, but this is how it seems to me. Either that, or he pulls these lines about marriage, moving in, etc. on a lot of women, so he doesn't really care all that much if a particular woman calls him.

 

If you really liked him and want to try for a second date, go ahead and try calling him. I probably wouldn't, if it were me, simply because comments like the ones he made on the first date would completely scare me off, but if you want to give it a chance, call him and see what he says.

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dancingcolors Collaborator

dancingcolors

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Nah, the comments were a little odd, and really, i want the guy to initate the second date. I want them to be that much into me, to do at least that. I don't want to chase a guy, and I want a guy who is confident enough to at least ask me out on a second date. I gave him enough hints, to show that I am interested.

 

My 32 year old guy roomate, and my other 34 year old guy friend are both about how I should call him. They say it is a different world now, and it is fine for the woman to call. That is why i am posting this. Is this true?? By the way they are both single from failed relationships and marriages.

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savignon Collaborator

savignon

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Nah, the comments were a little odd, and really, i want the guy to initate the second date. I want them to be that much into me, to do at least that. I don't want to chase a guy, and I want a guy who is confident enough to at least ask me out on a second date. I gave him enough hints, to show that I am interested.

This is exactly what you deserve and why you might consider other dating options like match or eharmony.

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browneyedgirl36 Rising Star

browneyedgirl36

Posted
Posted
Nah, the comments were a little odd, and really, i want the guy to initate the second date. I want them to be that much into me, to do at least that. I don't want to chase a guy, and I want a guy who is confident enough to at least ask me out on a second date. I gave him enough hints, to show that I am interested.

 

My 32 year old guy roomate, and my other 34 year old guy friend are both about how I should call him. They say it is a different world now, and it is fine for the woman to call. That is why i am posting this. Is this true?? By the way they are both single from failed relationships and marriages.

 

I think it is considered fine for the woman to call to ask for a second date -- at least some people do it -- but I still wouldn't. After the second or third date, I might consider it, but I would want the guy to follow-up the first date with a phone call asking me out again, so I would know he was really interested.

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guynextdoor Explorer

guynextdoor

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Dancingcolors look this guy sounds like he lost his marbles.. Seriously. He says he's not ready for a relationship. Self invites him to your place. Talks about wearing a tuxedo? Who does he think he is James Bondage? Only agent 007 can get away wearing a tux, self invites himself and tells the women he's not ready for a relationship. Next..

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