Is remaining friends a great step?

[Mix Maxster]

Ok,

 

well I don't post on this forum much anymore, but the thought occurred to me that when me and my ex broke up she was extremely lost and unsure of what she wanted. She said she wanted me to remain her friends and I was totally crushed not understanding and said I couldn't be her friend. I've seen countless times and heard countless times that being friends isn't a possibilty, but if you play it right... wouldn't it be a good step in getting them back? I mean if they dumped you because they thought you were needy or doing this or that and you became someone really great and became someone they felt secure and safe with, wouldn't kind of being their friend and showing how great you've become and such get them to kind of help them out because that shows you're understanding?

 

I'm sorry if this is confusing but I'm running off of about 3 hours of sleep, but anyways. I mean she wanted me to understand her and really listen and she was really serious about it, but I think it goes without saying she wasn't really sure of her decision and sometimes you don't realize they're the one until you let them go first. Kind of thinking, no they're not right for me... then going "omg! They were the one for me, what'd I give up on?!?" that kind of thing. Even though people are saying for me to ignore her or do no contact or not be her friend or do this and that or she's not interested or doesn't want to be my friend... later today I sent an e-mail kind of appologizing for breaking her heart by not being her friend as I finally saw why she wanted me to remain her friend, but that I felt she should understand why I did it and that ther was a reason. With that said I'd like to ask then in the end if people have gotten back together because they remained good friends who did stuff together and hung out and talked and became close that way, now before everyone thinks that I'll just end up as a guy who will be the "friend" you have to understand that love will not deny it... if she in the end wants to be with me then she won't hold it back u know? But if she wants to remain just friends, then I'm still ok with that because that'll show she doesn't love me that way anymore.

 

SO then once again, does being her friend actually show in her eyes that I'm a lot stronger and that she can trust me and can tell I'm being honest and sincere and that I care for her, so that when she gets her s*** straightened out she may want me back? I dunno maybe I'm just going off here, but PLEASE understand that this is just about opportunity and not wasting potential in no way am I absolutely WANTING her to come back or thinking this will get her back, PLEASE understand this. I just want to know if this is actually a good step in getting an ex back, I think more female than male anyways. NOthing more than wondering, not asking what my chances are or thinking that she will come back I just want to know from your guys' input whether or not it actually makes a lot of sense or not.

[hurtbylove]

As long as you can accept that you aren't in a relationship with that person, being friends is fine.

 

I think the litmus test is if you could stand that your ex is currently with someone, and accept it without feeling anything.

 

I think too often people get strung along right after the breakup with "Let's just be friends". I don't think it's possible to really be friends just after breaking up if you really cared/loved that person. I mean, your relationship just died and you have to take time to mourn its passing.

 

It still hurts me to even think of seeing my ex, if she was with someone else I would go ballistic. That's why I keep no contact until I am ready. It's possible I'll never be ready to see her again.

 

If you can keep a level head and keep your emotions separate from your ex, there is nothing wrong with being friends.

 

But remember that in the end it will never work out if: your ex just wants to be friends, and you want to get back with them.

 

You will positively drive yourself insane analyzing the actions of your ex if you aren't over them and hang around them too much.

[Mix Maxster]

Well I'm afraid of coming accross wrong here on the forum lol but my being friends with her isn't that intent of getting back together, it's just that; being friends, but also that I'm not going to drive myself nuts because I don't think being her friend is going to win her back u know what I'm saying? I have no expectations of that sort, but I was just like wondering if it's a strong possibility especially if say she really is unsure of her situation and wants to figure out what she's looking for and hopes I understand that, but I won't allow myself to be used if she feels she can just get from me what she can't from her new bf. If her new bf isn't treating her well and she realizes what she misses out on I think being friends is a good place to be for her to realize what she had. I mean that's just my thought, I'm not playing on it thinking being her friend will mean we'll get back together because that's not my thought on it. I want to support her and treat her as a friend because my relationship with her meant something you know? I think she really wanted that anyways and it's ok if she wants to date this new guy because I'm happy I'm single right now because there's no pressure, there's no worries about hooking up with any girls or flirting or doing this or that because I have no gf I'm tied to. I can do whatever I want so to speak and also I have to see what's out there for myself and all that jazz.

[Langeveldt]

Just dont do it... it is so frustrating.. and if you don't get her back it could really hurt your feelings.. The biggest mistake I made was staying in touch with my ex..

 

Move on.. If they got rid of you, they cant have it all their own way...

[SilverSurfer]

mixmaster,

 

i think it depends on some of the following things...

 

1. reason for breakup - its going to be real hard to remain friends with EXes after bad breakups that result in alot of anger, resentment

 

2. period of NC - we all need our time to heal and get over any feelings, to detach ourselves from our EXes.

 

i'm trying my best to be a good friend with my ex, but things aren't going well at the moment. there's still not enough space between us, and there's still some fighting over past issues. i know we don't have a chance at a relationship, at least for the immediate horizon. wanting to be friends with her stems from the desire to see her happy. we had so many problems that we just kept hurting ourselves.

[sparky3941]

Well I'm going through the same thing right now. My ex broke up with me to be with someone else and then sort of came back when that didn't work and now wants to be friends while they try to figure out what they want. I wanted to try to work things out with them but then thought, there are other people out there that are more worthy of my attention and energy. Granted ours was a very messy break up with cheating and all that on their part but it still holds true for a less messy break. You are worthy of more than being used by someone because they don't know what they want. Let go and move on. That's what I've decided to do.