Problem

[s3xzi]

I finally found someone that i like, and likes me back but they dont wanna relationship, they just wanna friends with benefit type thing n i unno what to do! can someone help me out with this...I really like the guy and im not sure what to do!!

[Gilgamesh]

Oh thats nice, he wants your friendship and your body, but he doesnt want any commitment. meaning hes open to mess around with other girls and do you when he feels like.

 

Just say NO! if he is not mature enough to dedicate himself to you, than tell him to take a hike. hes a "playa" dont be his toy.

 

Go find yourself a real man that will respect you and value you!

[simulacra]

When you say "benefit type thing," do you mean like a sexual thing? From not knowing the circumstances of your situation, my instinct is that this is not something that sounds very healthy for you. The reason being, you sound like you really like this person a lot. He means more to you than just a friend, and by that token, he certainly means more to you than someone you just sleep around with.

 

I have nothing against a purely sexual arrangement between two people as long as they both understand the parameters, and in your case you would be consenting, but you don't really sound like you are sure about this. It sounds to me like you just really like this guy and would do almost anything to be wtih him. You sound like you like him enough to want an intimate relationship with him, but I don't think you are really aware of the emotional implications of going for such an arrangement with this guy.

 

I guess an easy way to answer this question for yourself is to ask yourself if you can have a sexual relationship with this guy and not be emotionally vulnerable (ie. not get yourself hurt). If you feel like you can do this with this guy without any emotional attachment, then my reaction would be for you to question whether or not you really have true feelings for this guy as you say you have. Personally, if I really like someone and they offered me only something physical, I would almost take offence to that and know that this is not someone I can truly love.

 

If your meaning of "benefit type thing" is not related to sex but something closer to a best friend situation, then you would need to ask yourself if you can handle that (ie. if you can handle being very close to him but not be able to be intimate with him). A lot of people can't deal with that and it would be best to just not be around the person at all. But for me personally, I always take the view that a person that I take an interest in, regardless of how far they want to take the friendship/relationship, is the same person. If I like someone for their kindness, their personality, etc. etc. then I would want to know them and have them in my life to whatever degree they feel most comfortable.

 

Hope my input has helped you a bit.

[mermayd]

I tend to agree and disaggree with the above posts. I think the the "friends with benefits" thing is the new way of saying "dating"...you know...the way our parents did? They would date more than one person at a time, not get too involved...keeping their options open. I am not one of those people and there are few these days that are...however, i think that it is a healthy way of lining up your prefferences and keeping all possibilities open. On the other hand, I agree with simulcra in that I think you veiw him as more than a firend or dating type...in this case, I think that it is possible that people will get hurt later. BUT, a good relationship could very well evolve from a casual dating relationship as you have described. I know this sounds wishy washy. I think that you should give it a shot if you are comfortable with the idea that he MAY be daitng others as well. Whatta ya have to lose? But make sure you are totally comfortable with that idea before jumping into ANYTHING

[dazedpunk1607306446]

if he doesnt want to date u, how do u know he likes u? it seems he only wants to get into ur pants. id try to either find a new guy or get him in a relationship. cuz if he only wants to mess around, hes not worth ur time

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

I think that 'making love' is meant for just one person at a time. It shows physically how you emotionally feel over someone. It shows love and dedication and I find it wrong to share that with more than one person at a time.

 

thereforeeeeeee I suggest that you have him committed to you first before you take things one step further.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~

[mermayd]

yes! The act of making love should definitely be in a monogomous relationship. especially with the diseases around. I did not know that this was a topic of discussion but just to put it out there, making love should only be shared between 2 people..not 3, or 4, or 16. 2. If it is casual dating, like talking on the phone or going to the movies or out for food eveery so often, then I think that keeping these options open is not necessarily bad. Once you sleep with that person, you shpould cut all ties with anyone else and pursue a relationship

[s3xzi]

He basically just wanted to get down my pants...that whole i dont wanna gf right now speech was bullshit, hes gotta gf now lol