CantSleepKate Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 About a week ago I discovered my live-in, long term, planning the wedding- bought the ring- Boyfriend was cheating on me. And not just a little bit cheating, as in living a lie for the past 6 MONTHS. And my world crumbled, and he chose (her) and I braced myself for the break down. Four days ago he posted a missed connection for me on craigslist. True story. I'm sorry K- m4w K, I'm sorry things didn't work out and that I turned into a Monster. I think we got too into the relationship too quickly and did too much damage to each other too early. At the end I did still love you (no matter how much I tried to convince both of us that I didn't). I couldn't stop with the lies and hurting you. You deserve someone far better than me, someone that will make you feel special and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel awful that it ended this way and I lost my best friend and sole confidant in the process. I am going to miss you and have those what ifs running through my mind for the rest of my life. Doubt you will ever read this but you won't hear it in person and I needed to get it out. Link to comment
savignon Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Interesting..... Maybe if he had the cajones to talk to you in person, you'd have better feelings about it...?? What do you think of it?? Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Using craigslist to apologize to you? Seriously that dude is a loser...:splat: Link to comment
Anotherday Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Wow, I am really sorry. At the same time, I think what a wuss. He got to "feel better" and take the coward's way out. Needless to say, I think you are better off seeing him for what he is BEFORE the wedding, but I am very sorry. You must be in a lot of pain. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 how are you CERTAIN that that post is from him to you? i didn't see any tell-tale signs, and i'm sure that post could fit in with many peoples situations....not trying to bring you down or dismiss your pain, just wondering if there was something that made you positive it was directed towards you and from him? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Using craigslist to apologize to you? Seriously that dude is a loser... Yep, I agree. Not only that but rather than making amends and saying "I was a jerk and don't like what I did so I would like to make it up to you and be a better person"..he chose to continue being the rotten person and said you are better off being without someone as rotten as he is! Go figure. What he wrote was just a way to ease the guilt he is feeling for running off with someone else. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I am going to disagree with the other posters here. I think it was cute that he went to CL and posted in the missed connections. He might have been using this the same way that we ena'ers use the "What would you say to your ex" thread. Does that make us cowards? I think it was a sweet message. Maybe he didnt say to your face because he is giving you the space because he knows the damage he has done...... Link to comment
CantSleepKate Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 I know because after it was up for a day and a half and got no response I got an email telling me to read it.. Yes, Seriously. I've been maintaining No Contact as best as possible - but there are so many little details. The bills, the lease, the pets, the Stuff. I think more than anything else this is just so Scary- I think I was living in the future I thought we creating for so long that this sudden and drastic change of tense is terrifying. I still throw up if I try to eat, I haven't been sleeping- the weeping comes and goes. Lately I feel like it's these waves, suddenly I'm so hopeful for the future- so glad I'm breaking away from such a complete creep and 3 minutes later I am crying so hard I can't breathe. I cannot believe I was so disposable to someone I thought I knew so well. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 ^ Been there done that and it does get easier - the cliche "Time" Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I am going to disagree with the other posters here. I think it was cute that he went to CL and posted in the missed connections. He might have been using this the same way that we ena'ers use the "What would you say to your ex" thread. Does that make us cowards? I think it was a sweet message. Maybe he didnt say to your face because he is giving you the space because he knows the damage he has done...... He didn't say it to her face because he is not really sorry for what he did..he deceived her, cheated on her, led a double life. People who lead double lives are generally not sorry for what they have done if they get what they want out of the deal. He got what he wanted so he is not sorry at all...he just wanted to alleviate guilt and couldn't face her. People who are truly sorry make a direct apology, they don't use some internet chat site or connection site to make a sincere apology. Link to comment
Casperlady Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 OMG what an ass, hun you are so much better off without him, it wont seem like it for a long long time but you will move on. Does he think you will forgive him by telling you it was there I just dont get guys Link to comment
BellaStranger Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I think more than anything else this is just so Scary- I think I was living in the future I thought we creating for so long that this sudden and drastic change of tense is terrifying. I still throw up if I try to eat, I haven't been sleeping- the weeping comes and goes. Lately I feel like it's these waves, suddenly I'm so hopeful for the future- so glad I'm breaking away from such a complete creep and 3 minutes later I am crying so hard I can't breathe. I cannot believe I was so disposable to someone I thought I knew so well. I'm so sorry your having such a hard time! I know it doesn't feel like it now... I have been there...and not so long ago...but it does get better! What you said about living in the future rang so true for me, that was the hardest thing for me deal with. I found I just shut off, and lived one day at a time, and slowly my future started to take a new shape. I am 5 months down the line now and about 60% of the way to feeling better! Link to comment
Jetta Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Maybe the thought of marriage freaked him out and that's why he did what he did. He could have commitment issues. I'm sorry he ultimately choose her over you. Things happen for a reason and maybe this is for the best. Link to comment
corrin Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 He's right -- you deserve far better than him. Thank God you found out now, before you were married and before any kids. Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I am going to disagree with the other posters here. I think it was cute that he went to CL and posted in the missed connections. He might have been using this the same way that we ena'ers use the "What would you say to your ex" thread. Does that make us cowards? I think it was a sweet message. Maybe he didnt say to your face because he is giving you the space because he knows the damage he has done...... Surprisingly enough, I agree with this Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 He's right -- you deserve far better than him. Thank God you found out now, before you were married and before any kids. Honestly, this is exactly what was going through my head as I read the post. I wish I had found out before I had my ex's daughter that he was a lying, cheating, massively abusive fake. And I had to end up leaving him so he could be with that tramp, because he didn't have what it took to just leave me. Keep that chin up honey. I don't take apologies from guys who can live a double life, look me in the eye every night and lie. I brush them off like dirt from my pants and walk away. You will get through this... I promise you. Link to comment
Someday_Soon Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Never, ever become jealous of an ex who was living a double life. Go through a grieving period for the time wasted and the damage incurred and then move on. You should never be jealous of a person who is abusive on any level, he/she is someone else's problem now, and this behavior will almost invariably continue with or without you. Don't try to question your own behavior as the causitive agent (if you aren't a chronic cheater yourself) These people need help, but not necessarily at your expense. Attempting such a manuever is risky and in some cases maybe borderline stupid. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 There is nothing cute about this...nothing. This guy is ridiculous, I pity the girl he left for, as she is clearly insane. He's trying to say he is a dog and not worthy of you but he is with the OW now? If I read correctly... What does that say about his respect for her? This is a lame cop out. You're most definitely lucky to have this guy out of your life. I'm sorry for your pain, stick with NC and I think it will get better for you. Link to comment
CantSleepKate Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 NC Day 3- It feels like my heart is going to fall out of my chest and I'm starting to worry that i will never be able to digest food again. I am sitting at my desk watching every minute tick by slower than the last. Thank God he isn't calling. Why isn't he calling? Please, please, please- How are you all getting through this? Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 ^Remind yourself of all the bad things he has done to you....thats what keeps me going. I have no urge to speak to my ex. She hasnt contacted me and it kinda sucks, but I guess its better then the constant reminder. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 NC Day 3- It feels like my heart is going to fall out of my chest and I'm starting to worry that i will never be able to digest food again. I am sitting at my desk watching every minute tick by slower than the last. Thank God he isn't calling. Why isn't he calling? Please, please, please- How are you all getting through this? Just think about this rationally for a second, though I know emotions tend to be more powerful. He cheated on you. He had absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. Why waste a single iota of energy on this person? I know there are a lot of reasons you might think are valid for getting sick and heart broken over this loss, but try to be the version of yourself 5-10 years from now who laughs at the thought of it and knows her life is better without him. Link to comment
Im Steph Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 NC Day 3- It feels like my heart is going to fall out of my chest and I'm starting to worry that i will never be able to digest food again. I am sitting at my desk watching every minute tick by slower than the last. Thank God he isn't calling. Why isn't he calling? Please, please, please- How are you all getting through this? Hi Kate. I am on day 4 on NC, this time. It's been 6 weeks since the breakup after 6 years together. He had been having doubts for at least a few months (not that he ever talked to me about it), cheated on me, and decided that he was not in love with me anymore and didn't believe in a future for us. He wants to find who he was back when we first met. I love him and miss him so much, even though he ripped my heart out and was not being the person I thought he was at the end. For the first few weeks, I was basically non-functional. Crying all the time, not able to eat, completely consumed by thoughts of him, why?, how can I possibly create a new future, etc. Everyone told me, and still does, that yes, it does get better. I didn't believe it, but although my progress has been very slow and doesn't feel all that much better to me, I can see that I am improving. I have still been crying everyday, and can get myself pretty upset with my thoughts, so it's a very up and down process. I guess forcing myself to do things helped. At first just going out for a walk or a run, or going to the mall with my sister and mom. Still miserable all the time and I know I looked it too. Now I am taking a math class at the community college, and I have been applying for jobs (we used to work together). I guess just trying to take it one day at a time, looking too far into the future really scares me still. I try to appreciate the people in my life who are there for me, and the nice people I meet everyday, even if it's only someone in line at the grocery store. Try to maintain your faith in humanity. And keep writing, here and/or in a journal. Good luck. Link to comment
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