We have been talking about divorce..alot. Here's my story...

[Goodgirl]

I need some serious advice.

 

We have relationship everyone said wouldn't last, and wondered why we married so young and so soon.

 

I met my husband when we were about to become high school seniors ( at different high schools). He was a rebound for me, cause I had just been dumped by my Bf at the time. I pushed him away but he kept persisting, and I said I wasn't ready for a relationship, but there he was.

 

I soon found out he was in the DEP program which meant he was signed up and leaving for the Marine corps right after high school. When that day rolled around I had grown attached to him, he cared for me more than anyone had ever cared. I loved him, but only being 18 and him leaving to boot camp made the feelings conflict.

 

I was heartbroken when he left and wrote to him everyday. He wrote alot too, telling me how much he loved me and missed me. I began to distance myself from him, but he invited me to see him graduate from BC. I thought it wouldnt work out but we began a LD relationship, him in Florida and me in Texas going to college. I began to push him away again, not knowing how to let go. Our one yr anniversary he proposed to me, and I said yes. we planned to wait to get married, but I wanted to be with him and see him so 3 months later we were married at 19 and I moved to North Carolina with him.

 

Fast Forward to 2 yrs later.I got my associates in applied science, he got promoted twice and was doing well at work. I was done for the time being from school, and quit my job to help my family out in Texas while he went for training in Cali.

 

Soon after our return to NC rumors surfaced about a deployment to Iraq ( before the war). In Jan of 03 he was gone, and I packed up and headed to texas, ( it was his first deployment overseas , and I didnt want to be alone.) I agonized those 6 months he was gone, my family didnt help at all and my inlaws drove me crazy. But I kept on writing to him, sending packages and letting him know I loved him. I have always maintained my loyalty to him and our marriage.

 

I returned to NC about 2 weeks before he did, and when he got home it was so wonderful. But he had a 6 week course to take that required alot of extra time and money. During the middle of it he found out he was getting deployed again.

 

So soon after being home only 3 months he was gone again. I decided this time to stay in NC. Well now were all up to date. Cause after 7 months of emails, phone calls and letters, and a thanksgiving , christmas, valentines, and 4 yr wedding anniversary alone.. he finally came home. FOR GOOD. He reenlisted and is going to a non-deployable unit. BUT.... were visiting home now, and I plan to stay here while he goes to school, he has enouraged me to stay longer.

 

But divorce has been a hot topic these days. He is upset that we dont have sex enough, I tell him I dont always feel like it and him jumping me every chance he gets is not turning me on either. He thinks I am not attracted to him anymore and maybe I should decide whats best, that he would do what I asked. But I dont know what to do!

 

He has only been back in the US less than 2 months.I try so hard to make him happy, and him the same. But he has been so sad lately, he feels rejected and is always telling me he's unhappy. I know he wouldnt cheat, but its not like we have gone weeks without it. We do it at least twice a week, but its not enough its never enough for him. So i just keep pushing him away more. I told him, if we get divorced it would be over us not having sex enough, which sounds stupid. I said I have always been like this, and wont change. he said me too. I just dont see my life without him, but this whole marriage has been so difficult. Being a military wife, and being so young. He's so unhappy with our finacial situation too. He wants such superfical things and doesnt focus on much else these days. Im so confused. I dont know if Im not attracted to him or not. I feel the same, that I have always felt. He's my best friend, and I have stood by him all this time. But lately I feel he's my enemy, and I feel angry more than anything.

sorry so long.....

 

what do u think.?????

[tiger_lilies]

You are about to divorce because of not enough sex???!!!! That's a very stupid reason to divorce in my opinion. Marriage is not about sex (granted I know it's important) but about standing by one another, supporting each other through thick and thin. He is being down right low if he wants to divorce you because you are not giving enought sex to him.

 

I have to think that there's more going on then just lack of sex. Come on, this is rediculous! You've been a great wife, I don't think I could ever handle being a military wife, so good for you!

 

Keep trying. You probably need to communicate more. Remember, it takes two to make a marriage work, not one.

 

If sex is really the only thing that is causing problems, he needs to try and swoon you. Ask him to be more romantic and loving, not jumping you whenever he wants!

[Fancy111]

First of all, your husband probably needs to understand that he has been away from home a lot, and it usually takes time spent together for women to feel physically attracted to a man. Tell him he needs to start dating you like if you guys had just met. It's romantic when you have quality fun time with your spouse, doing things that you have done in a long time.

 

Second, he should be more patient and understanding with your feelings, it's not like your a machine that performs on command.

 

Third, make sure you communicate everything your feeling to your husband and don't be so rushed to divorce, from the sounds of things it could be a lot worse.

 

Fourth, try a trip away together, even if it's someplace just for a weekend. Invest some time in courting one another again.

[neverthought]

You've been through alot - I'm ex-military so I commend you on standing by him.. My ex had to wait while I was deployed, I can imagine that is tough.

 

As far as sex - its funny, we are in the opposite situation, I'm the one who wants it more, and I'm the girl. But maybe my insight can offer something.. The reason I want sex more is because that is how I feel attractive I guess, and appreciated. Affection counts, but I like to know my body turns him on, etc.. Maybe that's the same thing he is feeling... it's not just the need to get off, its the need to feel that close. Now I do get crabby if it's several days without... and my husband seems the type twice a week would work, because he is busy/tired whatever - I take it so personal, because to me you can be tired or stressed, but it's your lover who is supposed to take your mind off all of that. And if I can't take my husband's mind off all of his worries, than how does that make me feel. That's one of the things we deal with.

 

See, it can be about more than just the orgasm. Also, I know you must be tired, or not have the same drive... but try this - just start, the rest will come. It is OK not to be all horny all the time, it's OK to let him make a move and go along with it even if your not "there" - your body will like it eventually and in the end you will feel close - after all that is all that matters. It doesn't matter who initiates, or it you both feel like it at the same time, it's just about being together.. And calm sex is oK too, esp if you are tired.

 

But being close is usually what its all about, that connection is so strong after sex.

[Goodgirl]

Well I dont think its the sex afterall , he was just using it as a reason to say how he doesnt feel close to me anymore. Well obviously were not going to be close after all our time apart. But he wants everything to be perfect, and it can't be and wont be. We are in for another separation cause of training and work, there is nothing we can do about it. But, I feel like the damage is done and there is no way of saving us from the inevitable. I dont know him like I used to and it makes me sad, a lot. But what can I do? He is so busy I dont hear from him some nights, and if I do he's falling asleep. I dont know if I should let go or keep trying. I need to make up my mind, cause if I dont then the ending could be very bad.

 

ugh well until then who knows.....

[single30]

You sound like a wonderful wife. You probably need to get to know eachother again! That is a looooong time apart.

Guys that age do like a lot of sex, maybe you could think of some things he could do that would make you more interested? Like maybe take you on dates, do things that are romantic, re kindle the spark!