pain wont go away

[hellohello1]

i am just in lots of pain. i think weekends are toughest. i have no idea who he is seeing, if he was with someone last night, what is going on. it just hurts. its been almost 3 weeks since he broke up with me. i am on day 5 of nc. to me its been such an accomplishment, even though it doestn sound like much as it is so difficult for me. last time we saw each other (a week ago) he said he watned to be friends still (i said i didnt know if i could do that)...so the next day he texts me about random stuff, then the next day i just text him a random text and i hve not heard from him since. ya, u really wanna be freinds eh? i know he is hurting, last time i saw him he was crying and saying how much he missed me and all of that stuff. it just hurts..we have never gone this long (5 days) without talking since our relatoinship started. i guess it just really is hurting. i am slowly getting better..

 

some background info - we dated for 2.5 years, talked about spending our lives together, exactly waht we wanted out of life. he broke up wtih me because he didnt know if he could get those "in love" feelings back (pretty sure it was that our relationship was getting boring, and it was, because we were so busy), he was confused about what he wants, and if i am hte one for him, and he knows if he didnt beak up with me we would be together forever and he is unsure if he wants that. it just really hurts..he was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. it hurts that he hasnt even texted me, but maybe its a good thing.

 

i guess i would rather not know if he is seeing someone (which he may perhaps be), but i wish i just had confirmation that he WASNT. i dont even know what im talking about here. im just venting i guess, saying what is on my mind. he has to be surprised that i havent contacted him in 5 days. i know everyone will probably say dont focus on what he is thinking/doing but its so hard..

 

we both work at stores in the mall while going to university..there different stores but its difficult as we work the same times a lot, dont know how i would act if i ran into him

[hellohello1]

he is also doing things i thikn to hurt me. he is going through these picturs on facebook that he wasnt tagged in before (pics of him in a sumo suit with some girl straddld on him (this was before we got together). these r pics that he untagged of himself before, and now he is tagging himsefl in them. i know everyone is goign to say dont look at his facebook. how can he do this though? he KNOWS this is hurting me...how does he not care

[Kia-Kaha]

he is also doing things i thikn to hurt me. he is going through these picturs on facebook that he wasnt tagged in before (pics of him in a sumo suit with some girl straddld on him (this was before we got together). these r pics that he untagged of himself before, and now he is tagging himsefl in them. i know everyone is goign to say dont look at his facebook. how can he do this though? he KNOWS this is hurting me...how does he not care

 

Hellohello,

 

I don't want to get your hopes up, but maybe he is tagging pictures on facebook to keep himself busy because he is hurting too. After a relationship of that long, I find it hard to believe that he is doing anything but trying to sort himself out. That seems like a very indirect way of trying to hurt you, so I don't think it is deliberate. You are being overly-sensitive (like all dumpees are). The fact my ex changed her phone plan hurt me, it made me feel like I was not part of her plans anymore. She didn't mean it to do that, but it did.

 

He probably feels incredibly guilty for not having those feelings for you, and was probably trying for a long time to change the way he felt (you probably didn't even know he was trying). All you can do is give him the space he needs. 5 days of NC is good work, he IS missing you. Maybe he is making sure of what he wants before contacting you because I guarantee you that hurting you kills him. It would be different if you cheated or something, but he just lost those feelings and probably feels terrible for that.

 

It is important that if he comes back, he KNOWS that he wants you or else you will be back here in a very short period of time.

 

Keep working on yourself so that when he does come back around he doesn't find a broken, pathetic version of you that NOONE could love.

[FootofGod]

Yeah, remember he's going through a breakup, too. That doesn't really say much about his intentions particularly, but for whatever reason, it's probably related to him trying to move on. There's no doubt he will hurt, too.

[Kia-Kaha]

The hard thing for both of us is that our ex's have been processing their feelings for a lot longer than we were even aware of.

 

So the day they told us it was over was a long time after they first had that thought. Therefore, the breakup will seem easier for them as they are already months down the road from where we are.

 

Neither of them (yours or mine) made a snap decision, they do care for both of us, probably more than either of us realise right now. They broke up with us because they care for us, they are not calling despite how much it hurts them because they are trying to respect our feelings and wishes.

 

I am sure he is going through the same hell you are, but on top of that he has the guilt of hurting the one person that he really wanted it to work with. Noone likes hurting someone else, especially their best friend.

[hellohello1]

that is right. thanks both of you for the advice.

 

it is weird - i work at hte mall on one level and he works on the upper floor. he came down today (we have not contacted in 5 days) he said hi, said he got some iced tea and wanted to give me some..told me about how he stepped on a nail and has a one inch hole in his foot (ouch) and just kind of talked a little and then i had a customer so i had to go after about 2 min of talking. i was polite and cordial but wasnt overly friendly or overly concerned about his foot. i think he was honestly probably surprised i had not contacte dhim in 5 days ( i know this doesnt seem like a lot, but considering we literally spent all the time talking all day and considering how even after he initailyl broke up wtih me i was contacting him every couple days i think he was surprised)

 

i dont want to analyze this or think anythign of it. all it was was him coming down from his work to say hi and stuff. i couldnt help but feel better after, even though i probably shoudlnt. just wanted to share .