Yall I Need Some Advice

[saltwatergirl]

Together 3 years. Very much in love. Recently,

Saw emails from him to other girls with pics of him(that I took), he says he had a computer virus that sent them out. Spends every weekend at my house, and calls every day. Claims undying love and no clue how the pics got sent out. He is heartbroken over my "ending it" with him over these pictures. BTW, we broke up for a 2 month period last year (initiated by me due to being concerned about our age difference) and during that time is when pics were sent. I just didn't see them until recently. But he denies doing it. Being as how it happened during our break up, part of me feels like I should just "not go there", but another part of me wonders, if he is lying about it, what else is/has he lied about. Now I don't trust him at all. Now I think maybe soemthing went on, maybe it went on while we were together too, maybe the whole 3 years things have been going on.

When I am around him now, he will sit there and hug me and start getting teary eyed talking about how much he loves me, and how he is "never going to let anything hurt us again"......my typical reaction is, well if he didn't do anything why would he be saying that.....AUGH. If he usually calls at 8pm, and doesnt call until 10, I think instantly he is out with some other girl. I feel as if my paranoia now is driving him nuts and away from me, but at the same time I just can't relax not knowing what the hell went on during our relationship that he has kept from me. I am afraid of giving him another chance by letting my guard down but, at the same time, that is doing an incredible amount of damage in and of itself.

And suggestions from the guys especially would be appreciated.

 

Salt

[sinnerboy]

hi,

 

well in my opinion no relationship can survive without trust. if you really do not trust him, i think you must let him go. this is what i would do.

 

 

 

good luck

[Tinkerbell]

Hey there,

In my opinion, ending the relationship over a few sent pictures sent when you guys were broken up was a bit silly. However, there may be more to the story that you haven't posted so I'm not going to judge.

One thing's for sure though: It does sound that he genuinely cares about you and wishes to be with you again. Even if he was interacting with other women over the internet, at the moment he's practically begging for you back so it's clear that it's you that he wants. Do you have any proof that he didn't have a virus on his computer? If not, try not to jump to conclusions.

What it comes down to is whether or not you can put this all behind you and get back together. If you still love him you will probably regret it if you don't allow him back into your life. However, if this is going to work you need to have trust in one another, as a previous post said.

I hope that everything works out for the best!

[Gilgamesh]

Let me see if i get this right:

 

Your very much in love (your words) but you break up with him because you are insecure about something (age difference) Hmmm but for some reason, you expect him to remain faithful to the relationship, and are now mad that he was actually networking after you dumped him!

 

And now YOU DON'T TRUST HIM, ? well, if I was him, i wouldn't trust you! How could I trust someone that dumps me after she tells me how much she loves me but that "all of a sudden" my age is an issue.

 

Fact is, you hurt him, your guilty about it and now trying to justify your actions, you made the mistake not him, if the boat is rocking now, its because you rocked it, everything was fine until you dumped him over something silly, inside you know this is true and it bugs you, now if you can make him out to be the bad guy, then its that much easier on you isn't it?

 

If he dated and slept with 10 women after you dumped him, its your fault! you were the one that let him go, he was the one that had to suffer and deal with it the best way he could, now you want everything back the way it was before you demolished it. and want to blame him.

 

Sorry, but you need to start taking responsibility for your actions, face the guilt and then forgive yourself, then ask for his forgiveness and the hell you put him through.

 

He loves you, and thats all that counts, you want to find another issue again like with the age? for some reason you want there to be a problem in this relationship. thats something you should look into also, why is that?

[saltwatergirl]

You are probably right, it probably is my own fault.

 

Anyway, thanks to the others for your opinions.

 

Salt

[avman]

Sorry I'm with Gilgamesh on this one. You dumped him - so he's a free agent after that. You have no say on his actions during that time because he's "single". He hasn't done anything for you to be mistrustful about. What he did when he was single has no bearing on what he did when you two were together. He was moving on after he was dumped. Nothing wrong with that at all.

 

This is something you need to let go of.

[saltwatergirl]

Thanks. Alot. Sometimes it is hard to hear these things but you all are right.

So thanks and I really mean that.

 

BTW, not that it matters but it wasn't an "all of a sudden" age issue, he is much younger than me, and my family was very disapproving of it all...it was a hard time for me. I was really beginning to believe what they were saying about "he will one day want someone his age/kids/etc"... it wasn't a careless "dumping". I just got scared. But because I was lost with out him, I finally told them all to butt out-- that I was going to be happy....on a side note, my mother now loves him dearly.

 

Salt

[prettygreeneyes]

i dont think that it is ur fault. i think maybe if something did happen after u broke up, he doesnt want to tell u in case u dont have him back. maybe he wants u back so much that he thinks lying is the best way, even though it isnt. but i think u need to be able to trust someone if u have a relationship with them, so i dont know.

 

tess xx

[Gilgamesh]

I know you feel it wasnt "all of a sudden" its something YOU were dealing with, but your BF was out of the loop, all he knows is that one day everything is ok, and then its not, yes you were struggling with the issue, he was not, so from his point of view it was "all of a sudden".