He does not feel for me....like I do for him

[mskc0511]

Hi have been with my boyfriend for over nine years. We are highschool sweethearts. This past year of our relationship has been very rough. I have difficulty getting close to him becasue I do think that he want our relationship to go where I want it to go. Overtime I have grown feelings that he likes me less. I feel like is comfortable in our relationship, but that he does not want to have anything more.

 

He says that he does, he wants to get engaged and eventually married. OTher than the time that we have been together, there his actions do not say that at all.

 

There was a long stretch where he and I could not "make love." We were not connected. I wanted to have that connection so badly. We talked about it and said that we would both work on it. I did, but he didnt, after a couple of months his escuse was that he was just being "lazy".

 

How special I felt at that moment. He again said that he would work on it and do something to show me that he wants our relationship to go further. That was two weeks ago. Nothing has happened. He said that he would have something last friday for me, but that didnt happen because he was busy running errands. Mind you, errands that he did not have to spend the entire day running.

 

A week later, I sweetly ask how its coming, and when does he think he will be ready. SHORTLY was the answer. What is that supposed to mean to me. I am very upset.

 

I have been disappointed several times in our relationship because he was not ready for us to move forward. Or I got the feeling that he does not want to move forward.

 

I am at the point where I dont care anymore. He said that it would be different next time. That is what he said two weeks ago. He had an opportunity and ruined it. Should i keep beliving him.

 

My logic is, if he felt the way he says that he does, he would not have such a difficult time doing what he says he is going to do.

 

Should I believe that it will be different next time or move on? I am not sure how much more I can take.

 

Do you think he even wants to move forward?

 

Thanks for reading and your reply in advance.

[SocialStigma]

What is his reason for not wanting to take the next step and get engaged? Money, school, or just plain "not ready yet"?

 

My boyfriend and I are also high school sweethearts and honestly if by the time we are 26 and it's not because of money/school, but after 9 years he doesn't know if he wants to marry me, then I would leave him because there is no point in staying in a relationship if he still doesn't know if I'm the one he wants to be with after almost a decade. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like the relationship is going anywhere

[FrenchFries]

This sounds like the kind of guy that will end up on this site talking about how his girlfriend dumped him out of the blue and how he took her granted, etc., etc. I think he has just gotten extremely comfortable in the relationship and feels you will always be there so there's no need to put in any effort. Have you told him that you are thinking about leaving him? I agree that if I were with someone for 9 years and they still couldn't really make their mind up what they wanted with me I would have to walk.

 

YOu can only have the same old talk so many times before you give up.

[jraf]

...his escuse was that he was just being "lazy"... I am at the point where I dont care anymore.

 

My logic is, if he felt the way he says that he does, he would not have such a difficult time doing what he says he is going to do.

 

Do you really want a serious relationship with someone who is too lazy to do anything for you? If you don't care anymore, is there really a point to continuing?

 

Nothing wrong with your logic. Just read what you wrote and act accordingly.

[mskc0511]

I don't know if it is all money that is holding him back. I think it may be a part of it, but not entirely. He is well aware that he may lose me bc of this. Yet it continues on with a bs excuse. He says that he wants to be with me, but that's it. It's never ephasized on us moving forward. The one thing he says is that he does not feel like he can move forward bc our relationship is not at it's best. Mainly bc of my insecurities in our relationship. I have told him, time and time again I need you to help instill some faith in our relationship. Nothing has happened. We can have a great time together, but I always have this feeling in the back of my mind he is content and does not want more. He uses me as the excuse. It's funny though....am I crazy or something... I still want him after all of this bs though. What more does he need to make up his mind?

[Ms Darcy]

I don't know if it is all money that is holding him back. I think it may be a part of it, but not entirely.

 

It's funny though....am I crazy or something... I still want him after all of this bs though. What more does he need to make up his mind?

 

You have invested a lot of time in this relationship. Of course you want it to work. But you need to realize you can't do this alone.