Breakup is a choice

[jenna-is-here]

Something I have come to realize on my second major breakup of my life, NO MATTER IF YOU ARE THE DUMPED OR THE DUMPEE, breakup is a choice. Now hear me out before you react…

 

The actual decision of separation from your partner may not be your choice but how you handle it from that point on is ALL IN YOUR CONTROL. At the point of breakup, we may not accept the new reality but we can make a *commitment* to ourselves to do whatever it takes to move on.

 

We make a “decision” to move through the stages of grieving, of moving on.

It is a choice and commitment like anything else we commit to (giving up sweets, giving up alcohol, etc).

 

 

We choose to commit to getting through it

We choose to do everything we have to do to heal ourselves

We choose nurse ourselves back to a strong self-sufficient individual.

We choose not to talk to our ex

We choose not to text our ex

We choose not to IM our ex

We choose not to see our ex on Facebook

We choose not to play breakup games

We choose not to purposely run into our ex

We choose to accept that we will eventually accept this new reality

We choose to cry for weeks but commit to not having the comfort of our ex’s to help us through it

We choose not to go to the old places that may trigger feelings

We choose OURSELVES

 

 

We create our own power. You are not a victim, you have the power to ‘Reject the Rejector‘ not in a negative way, but in a positive way because it is good for US.

 

Feel free to add what else you are CHOOSING to do to stick to the commitment of moving on.

[FootofGod]

We choose to harbor ill will or not

We choose to be slaves to nostalgia instead of looking forward

We choose to let pain have power over us or not

We choose to love ourselves

[KileOriginal]

We can always choose how we react to any situation in life including a hard break-up.

 

However, sometimes to get over emotional pain we lie to ourselves as a short cut.

 

I would rather have the truth than a lie, even if it meant the happiness in my life would be affected for a long time.

 

If you live honestly to yourself, then every major relationship will leave you with some heartbreak that can't simply be ignored.

 

How you deal with that heart break is your choice, and you can choose not to let it rob you of good life, but simply "choosing" not to be affected by real emotions while trying to be honest to yourself is not realistic.

[jenna-is-here]

but simply "choosing" not to be affected by real emotions while trying to be honest to yourself is not realistic.

 

I in no way say anywhere that anyone should CHOOSE to not to be affected by real emotions. I say you shoud commit to grieving and crying and feeling all of it.

 

Bottom line is, getting through the breakup is a choice where one needs to be committed to doing it or it can wallow for years.

[FootofGod]

We can always choose how we react to any situation in life including a hard break-up.

 

However, sometimes to get over emotional pain we lie to ourselves as a short cut.

 

I would rather have the truth than a lie, even if it meant the happiness in my life would be affected for a long time.

 

If you live honestly to yourself, then every major relationship will leave you with some heartbreak that can't simply be ignored.

 

How you deal with that heart break is your choice, and you can choose not to let it rob you of good life, but simply "choosing" not to be affected by real emotions while trying to be honest to yourself is not realistic.

 

What? Nobody said we weren't affected by the pain and emotions! But you can choose to not let them rule your life and have power over you, and if you can't, you should choose to seek help. I hurt a lot, and even when I'm feeling strong I'll have awful feelings overcome me. I accept them, know what they are, and know that it will pass and that I am choosing to deal with them, but not let them affect my life any more than they absolutely must.

[TurtleDove12]

Very nice thread. I agree with mostly everything. Great job, should be a sticky.

[Maverick44]

In the gist of this thread and spirt of John Wodden (RIP), a quote that I recently read from him was this:

 

"Not being thrown off stride in how you behave or what you believe because of outside events"

 

I interpret it to be that regardless of the outside events that impact us, we should do as in our character. Our character may change from what it was when we were young and that's ok because we gain wisdom hopefully but we shouldn't let things like breakups totally break us down. Move on and don't let those outside events change you unless you can truly determine it was for the better.

 

Maverick