Plan to go to a "Mixer" at a coffee shop. What is a "Mixer"?

[friendsoulmate]

My mother suggested I go to a "Mixers" night at a coffee shop to hang out and possibly meet women. It's popular to meetup at places serving drinks I don't like. Coffee shops for coffee addicts, and bars for alcoholics. I only drink water, juice, and sometimes tea or kombucha. I don't drink coffee and I don't drink alcohol. I have decided to try to go to the "Mixers" night, to see what the experience will be like. This feels awkward, because it's open to the general public, which has not been screened for me. In the past, my hope was if I go to church singles groups, and bible studies, it would help screen-out who I would consider "undesirable types", but according to my experience with church singles groups, the screening-out part doesn't happen. The church is inviting to anyone who wants to join, so it is no different than the general public. When I first turned 21, I tried going to bars to have fun, but I didn't like it. I didn't like the thought of picking-up women strangers at a bar for drinks and dancing. This made me feel uncomfortable. I know that coffee shops are not like bars, because coffee shops don't attract those same, undesirable, alcoholic types. How would I "pick-up" or "hit-on" an attractive woman at a coffee shop during a Mixer(Is it a game, of some sort?)? This would be like showing you have a physical, sexual desire for the person, because of first impressions, and not a sincere desire for the person, because you know the person. This would seem shallow to me and a woman could obviously recognize this shallowness, because I believe a woman wants me to get to know her starting on the inside-out, rather than starting on the outside-in. I think to "pick-up" or "hit-on" a woman because of outside, first impressions is a turn-off for most women wanting a sincere relationship.

[Blue Skittles]

Well I don't know exactly what to expect as I've never been to anything like this but why not go and try it out? Be brave, try talking to some people, and go in with no expectations, other than maybe meeting some potential new friends. If nothing else you can say you tried it.

 

You might also want to try joining a club (there are lots on link removed if you are from a city), or even online dating to meet new people. It sure beats going to the bars or clubs. Maybe you might even want to try speed-dating?

[FathomFear]

This would be like showing you have a physical, sexual desire for the person, because of first impressions, and not a sincere desire for the person, because you know the person. This would seem shallow to me and a woman could obviously recognize this shallowness, because I believe a woman wants me to get to know her starting on the inside-out, rather than starting on the outside-in. I think to "pick-up" or "hit-on" a woman because of outside, first impressions is a turn-off for most women wanting a sincere relationship.

 

There are countless "sincere relationships" which have started with physical attraction. I don't think we need to kid ourselves here; sexual attraction is a huge reason why people date or enter relationships. Obviously it can't be the only factor, but I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating a conversation purely based on who you find physically attractive. If the person has nothing else to back it up, then you're free to move on.

[friendsoulmate]

You might also want to try joining a club (there are lots on link removed if you are from a city), or even online dating to meet new people. It sure beats going to the bars or clubs. Maybe you might even want to try speed-dating?

 

I do have a profile at link removed. I am from a smaller city, where the meetup groups are few, often have low attendance, and often do not fit my interests. I have looked into the meetup groups in a large city, about 100 miles away, and have found the opposite to be true. The meetup groups in large cities have more meetup groups, which often fit my interests, and have larger meetup groups--higher attendance. I am not able to and do not plan to relocate to a larger city for this reason. Why are the meetup groups more popular and do better(make better meetups), in larger cities?

[friendsoulmate]

I went to the mixer. A mixer is just men and women talking in a coffee shop. It turned out to be another bad experience for me. It was mostly retirement age people. There was a biker type guy who wanted to tell me his sob story of having his heart broken 5 times from 5 different marriages. Only one attractive woman close to my age showed-up, but I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I had to leave early, because this annoying biker guy wouldn't stop talking to me. The coffee shop wanted to start serving wine, and I was offended by that, because a coffee shop is not a bar and a coffee shop is not licensed to serve alcoholic drinks. I did not want to socialize with alcoholic drinkers.