Relationship surviving a lifestyle change early on?

[coldplay.]

Dating a girl i met in Feb, ended up exclusive in mid April. Where we pretty much spent increasing amount of time with each other until i was staying over at her place like 5-7 nights a week. We knew it was a mistake, but we didnt get sick of each other, we have great conversation, take trips all over places within 500 miles talk for hours.... but thats all face to face. Im having trouble with things not face to face.

 

The lifestyle change i was talking about was, finals week, moving into my new apartment which is ironically within 15 miles from her (complete coincidence). Like i didnt have many friends before meeting her, i had just started my semester at school from not being at that college in a year so i made friends with her friends which makes since because we get along really well. I still have friends from outside of school that are moving back from their colleges so i have 4-5 friends of my own i hang out with. But the stress from finals, coupled with moving, my car breaking down, and how our relationship in this new context is gonna work out has me concerned.

 

We were talking a few nights ago that before, like the weeks following up, she was not optimistic that id be around all that long because of the relationship dynamic thing... and i kinda felt the same way. She said she felt that it wouldnt be my or her fault but that she figured i would just leave. Im kind of reserved so i can see why she would feel that way. We talked, she changed her mind, and things as they always have been are good. When were together. But basically it boils down to, i feel as though i dont know what to say when we arnt together, like we arnt really communicating unless were together... our conversations feel really dry, we used to talk or text all night long. Do you think were in danger of moving in two different directions, or should i just chill out finish moving and enjoy the sweet grades i got this year and it will all blow over?

[orchidrose]

I'm a little unclear on what the lifestyle change you're referring to is. Is it moving? Finishing the semester?

 

Either way, it sounds like you guys might be getting burnt out on each other. This is the reason that a lot of folks around here recommend that you NOT be in contact or be with your SO all day everyday in the beginning of a relationship, as great as it may feel. Eventually, you'll run out of things to talk about, and it's hard to keep up that level of time spent together for an extended period. I don't think it has to do with in person vs. not in person - it has to do with overall too much contact in the beginning.

 

Have you suggested maybe backing off a bit from each other and not seeing/talking to each other as much? This doesn't mean that things are ending, but that might make you two miss each other a bit more and have more to say. If you spend every waking hour with each other, there's not much for her to tell you when you're apart, right?

[savignon]

I'm confused too. Is the change that you moved 15 minutes away and now it's harder to stay in touch everday? I thought you stayed over 5-7 nights a week??

I'm missing something...

[horsemumbler39]

Oh, for goodness sakes, chill out. You are overthinking the whole thing. If things are good when you are together, then things are good. A relationship should be based on what happens when two prople are together not the communication that occurs when you are not. Communication that is not Face to Face is just fluff. Maybe you just really don't like to text or talk on the phone. I hate it. Lots of people do. Chill out and just enjoy life as it comes. Don't sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff.

[coldplay.]

Ya it is a little confusing but i suppose thats the state of mind im in. The situation we were in, it was sustainable to maintain the all the time kinda thing, there was enough things to worry about between work school and friends to be cool. Maybe im just alot more stressed about the past week or two than i give credit for, my sleep schedule has swung 8 hours in either direction depending on the day, slept in a diff bed for 2 weeks, party almost every night, need to settle down and re center myself!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The true test of a relationship is not the first few months when you can't get enough of each other..that's just the honeymoon period. Now real life is happening..changes, moves, regular life stuff when it can't be 24/7 chat. If the relationship can't last this change then it was never really a strong relationship. Both of you need to forget about what happened before and think that is how relationships are...now you are hitting the real part of the relationship. The two of you can make it work if you both are committed to each other for the long haul and recognize that it is not all hearts and flowers all the time.

[generaldiscord]

Did you ever think that the texts were dry because you were stressed out and had nothing to say? Why add stress to stress? Finish your semester, fix up your roommate situation, and at the end of the month, if she's still around she's a keeper.

[SocialStigma]

Stress does funny things to people, including making them feel too anxious to hold a conversation. During midterms/finals, my boyfriend and I pretty much just hit the books and we don't talk to each other except for the customary good night phone call. But even then it's not really a chat so much as "how did studying go today? what time is your exam tomorrow? I'll call you before it to wish you good luck, good night, love you" - 5-10 mins tops. After it's all over, then we catch up and chat away.