He is with someone else....already!

[Emi85]

Hi everyone,

 

My ex and I have been officially broken up for a little less than 2 months. I broke up with him even though I loved him due to several serious issues we had in our relationship (I won't go into it right now). Regardless, I loved and still love the guy and am trying to heal.......

 

I have not been seeing anyone, I decided to focus on myself and take it one day at a time. Yesterday, I was speaking to a mutual friend and she said to me: "Em, can I tell u something that may help you get over him?", because I was still speaking about him a lot. She told me that while he and I were still seeing each other, he met a new girl. They are now getting serious......this is a month and a half after our break-up!

 

I honestly felt like somebody took a knife and stabbed me in my heart....there was a huge lump in my chest....I am so hurt and I don't know why! I dumped him but I still love him and now he is with someone else already! Then I made a huge mistake and after a month of NC I sent him an angry text saying: "No wonder things didn't work out with us, you were sleeping with someone else already!!!! I found out and I am disgusted!".

 

I know I made a huge mistake by texting him but I am soooo incredibly hurt I can't even express it....what is wrong with me?!!!???!!!!!

[overtheedge]

I've been in his shoes before and my ex got upset in the same way.

 

All I can say is that he is that he is doing what he can to help himself heal and you can't fault him for that. As far as he is concerned, you want nothing to do with him anymore and he is simply getting on with his life.

 

What would you expect a guy to do after being dumped? No offence, but I'm surprised that he waited two months.

[d24]

I've been in his shoes before and my ex got upset in the same way.

 

All I can say is that he is that he is doing what he can to help himself heal and you can't fault him for that. As far as he is concerned, you want nothing to do with him anymore and he is simply getting on with his life.

 

What would you expect a guy to do after being dumped? No offence, but I'm surprised that he waited two months.

 

seconded...

[digger11]

whaaaaat? He was ALREADY with the other girl... I could see if she had dumped him and he wasn't cheating and he was seeking a "Rebound" or way to recover but this is totally different.

 

guy is a jerk, forget him.

[CatsMeeoow]

whaaaaat? He was ALREADY with the other girl... I could see if she had dumped him and he wasn't cheating and he was seeking a "Rebound" or way to recover but this is totally different.

 

guy is a jerk, forget him.

 

So he gets dumped by his girl and he is just supposed to sit and pine and lament her loss? Not everyone wants to play the martyr.

 

I agree with the others. For the OPs reasons alone she felt this relationship was no longer in her best interest and she bravely cut him loose. She has no reason to be upset that he has chosen to move forward in his life with someone else regardless the time frame.

 

BUT - it is ok to feel some loss and its normal. We feel better about ourselves when our lost significant others pine away for us but take it as a personal insult when they do not.

 

Remember we all deserve to be happy. This relationship wasn't working or the OP wouldn't have ended it. Don't begrudge him his trail to his own happiness. And, if you feel you need to work on some issues before finding another relationship then kudos for you... because when you are a strong person then you can indeed find that strong relationship.

 

Good Luck

[Lostbutokay]

OP,

 

Seriously do you want him to sit down and cry for 2 months behind sad songs and movies? He's doing what I'm doing this weekend. Going out and finding some new tang.

[mca1975]

I totally understand you feeling upset! Its natural, even if it was you who broke it off, of course you would still feel quite upset at him moving on and feel jealous, but I would say that maybe you shouldnt have text him about it, as you have no right really.

 

If it was me, I would feel upset silently. Most men/people will move on to another in order to get over a relationship as its a lonely time.

[quirky]

I understand the OP. Maybe she was officially the dumper but sometimes one is left with no other option but to exit. If the OP really didn't want to be with him she wouldn't be upset now. Obviously something in his behaviour made her feel uncomfortable or rejected that lead to the breakup. Some guys are very passive and neglectful and they see things one dimensional even after the breakup "she dumped me, why does she now care about what I do?". Many many women have left their partner because they felt unloved and for the guy to jump into something else very soon just confirms how unloved they felt.

[Brownstone322]

I dumped him but I still love him and now he is with someone else already!

You left the guy. More power to him.

[1guygirl]

unless we know why she dumped him, then we really cant say tough sh*t to the OP...

 

if he was talking to this new girl he could have been an absolute bar steward to the OP in order to get her to dump him so he could move on seamlessly and guilt free to his new bit of stuff ????

 

OP mabes you can help us all out here?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is this the same guy you wrote about in the above post from December? If so you are well rid of him and it is not too surprising that he ran to someone else so quickly. Is this the woman you wrote about who is into drugs? Loser goes to loser! Don't feel so bad that he has someone else, being alone is much better than being with someone like this.

[LizzieD]

I dumped my ex too and I really don't want to know if he had moved on. I don't compare if she's prettier etc; but I concentrate in making myself and my life better.

 

So, concentrate in your own well-being. And wish him the best with his life.

 

Do I want the father of my children (someday) to be on drugs, drinking problem and playing games all day? The answer is No.

 

If you study psychology, it is the women who get to choose whom they're settling down with, not the man. They will spread their wings and mate with other people. But long-lasting relationship is what women really want. And seriously, your ex is a text-book definition of a loser

 

Love yourself. You've been with yourself more than you did with him.

[Convict7]

Here's how I think it is. You left the relationship because it wasn't going the way you hoped. You still love him and what you could have had together. But you didn't love what you were having together. You wanted HIM in a different setting. You couldn't have that acceptable setting, and had to end it. That all makes sense and is justified.

 

The problem with ending a relationship with someone you really love is that you can't bear to imagine them with a new person. Even if breaking up was the right choice, it hurts to see someone you love moving farther away from you. I understand being upset and even mad when you first found out. It was an emotional reaction to something that hurt you.

 

You can only hope that he is logical and can understand why you texted the words you did. You were hurt to find out about his moving away from you emotionally. Once you calm down you shouldn't be so mad at him. He is getting over the pain of losing you by filling the void you left with any girl he can. You know he hasn't fallen in love, he is just lonely. You left a big hole when you left and it's hard not to try and fill it to ease the pain.

 

Don't beat yourself up for any of this. It wasn't a nice text to send, but a mature person would understand what happened in you emotionally. Also don't beat your emotions down because he is already dating. He's trying to get over you. He may have been just as in love with you and can't handle the loneliness as well as you are handling it. In general, us men aren't used to facing so much emotion and we try to fix it with action rather than feel the pain.

[Emi85]

Thanks for all of your replies. I can understand why most of you disagree with my emotions regarding the situation. Regardless of all the negative things about our relationship, however, I still loved him. I did not want to break up with him but I knew that he has not good for me. And you are correct, I have no right to text him and tell him I'm disgusted that he is moving on.

 

Crazyaboudogs, that is the guy! Honestly, I ashamed to admit it but I ended up with him after all that anyway. And regarless of all that, I loved him, I don't know why........

[Emi85]

All I can say is that he is that he is doing what he can to help himself heal and you can't fault him for that. As far as he is concerned, you want nothing to do with him anymore and he is simply getting on with his life.

 

What would you expect a guy to do after being dumped? No offence, but I'm surprised that he waited two months.

 

I'm sorry, but I disagree with this. Like I said I don't expect him to mope around for two months but I also truly believe if you really love someone you don't get over it within 6 weeks. Throughout the relationship, I guess I felt like he didn't really love me and this just justified it to me. I felt replaced, worthless, unloved, and hurt.

 

I don't know, maybe men and women heal differently but to me, this just was not right.

[digger11]

you don't get over it in 6 weeks if you REALLY loved someone.... AND YOU DON'T START A RELATIONSHIP WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY IN ONE!!!!

 

that's the issue to why she is upset... she found out he had started something up before it was over.

[hypatia]

I'm sorry, but I disagree with this. Like I said I don't expect him to mope around for two months but I also truly believe if you really love someone you don't get over it within 6 weeks. Throughout the relationship, I guess I felt like he didn't really love me and this just justified it to me. I felt replaced, worthless, unloved, and hurt.

 

I don't know, maybe men and women heal differently but to me, this just was not right.

 

When someone starts to date someone else relatively soon, it always makes us feel like they never really loved us, replaceable and all those feelings you articulated.

 

Remember though that feelings are often not reflected in behavior, and it's a mistake to assume that if someone is dating someone else, they never really loved you or have moved on/healed, etc. Don't assume he's 'gotten over it' in 6 weeks.

 

Dumpees are frequently advised to go out a lot, stay busy, work out, start dating, etc., while they still have A LOT feelings for the one that let them go.

 

It's good that you think your decision was the right one, and he wasn't the guy for you. If you don't want him back, focus on the fact that you made a difficult but healthy decision about your own life.

[BrightBushy]

I have to say he is rebounding and trying to forget the pain you caused him. Out of sight out of mind....

[PrincessBOT]

I understand the OP. Maybe she was officially the dumper but sometimes one is left with no other option but to exit. If the OP really didn't want to be with him she wouldn't be upset now. Obviously something in his behaviour made her feel uncomfortable or rejected that lead to the breakup. Some guys are very passive and neglectful and they see things one dimensional even after the breakup "she dumped me, why does she now care about what I do?". Many many women have left their partner because they felt unloved and for the guy to jump into something else very soon just confirms how unloved they felt.

 

I agree...and he was seeing her before they broke up. It is highly likely that he'd already left the relationship and just hadn't told her. So it most likely was just a matter of time before he grew some and ended things.

 

Now had he met the lady after she broke up then I could understand maybe he was acting out of hurt and to ease the pain anyway possible. A dumpee can not be blamed for this although it's not the best way to go about things, but heartbreak I imagine is worse than getting stabbed with a knife. I think I'd almost rather have to heal from a stab wound than a wounded heart.

[berny]

well,

what would u guys say that the girl moves on with this guy within 3rd day of break up and lives with him...when i used to ask her about this guy before breaking up she said he is from church group and prayer guy...and now both are living together...she use to say that she cant live without me just one day before breaking up and next day she breaks up...and i am out of her life in fraction of seconds..

[Emi85]

you don't get over it in 6 weeks if you REALLY loved someone.... AND YOU DON'T START A RELATIONSHIP WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY IN ONE!!!!

 

that's the issue to why she is upset... she found out he had started something up before it was over.

 

Thank you!!!! I couldn't agree with you more!

[CatsMeeoow]

Its hard to have much perspective now... but 3yr post my break up I am with someone who is really going to be there for me and we are planning on marrying this fall... my ex??? yes he moved on quickly to girl number 2 after our breakup leaving me a mess but 3yr out he is all alone and occasionally texts to put out feelers how my relationship is going....

 

Who's the winner here???

 

You realized this guy wasn't for you... who cares who he is with he isn't YOUR Mr Right or you would not have ended it.

 

Focus on you and the rest will fall into place as it was meant.