ihugcows Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I'm in a complicated situation right now, and I'm feeling like it wold be a good thing to get some advice from people who don't know me in real life and aren't emotionally attached to me. Does that make any sense? I dunno...either way I need as much advice as I can get. So...I've been with my boyfriend for four and a half years. We started dating when I was 17 (I'm 21 now), moved in together after being together for a year, and have lived together ever since. For the most part, pur relationship has been WONDERFUL. We have a lot of the same interests, he's been great to me. I have been sooo happy. Of course, I figured I'd be with this guy forever. But, starting about probably about 6-8 months ago, things started to slowly go downhill. As can be expected with people who started a relationship so young, we're starting to change. Basically, I've been wanting to grow up a little and he's not ready to. (He just turned 23...fyi) This has caused a few arguments and problems the past little while. And besides that, we have a much bigger problem going on...he's become out of control with his drinking. My bf has drank ever since I met him, but he's always been very in control about it except for about the past year. Now, he drinks A LOT...doesn't stop until his beligerantly drunk, and drinks almost every weekend. And he's become a MEAN drunk. He'll lie, say awful things to me, and has even gotten violent with me on a few occasions. It got to the point that I was begging him to stop drinking, and that if he ever did drink, even if we didn't have any drama when he did drink, I would still be having a panic attack the whole time because I was afraid of what he was going to do. After he was sober, he would always appologize, make things better, and make promises to cut back on his drinking. And he never did. I'm not really sure if he even has control of himself anymore. So finally, this past weekend was the last straw. Monday I packed up whatever was most important (including my zoo of animals...which has been a pain) and moved to my parent's house. We haven't offically "broken up"...I've just told him that until he's sober, I can't go on living with him. And he's making things really really difficult...keeps appologizing, saying how awful he was, that he's going to change and be the best ever from now on. I keep telling him that I've heard it before, but he says that this time is different, that he hasn't really wanted to change before. He says he's never going to touch a drop of alcohol again, but he needs me with him to be able to get sober. But I can't go back to him, I'm too afraid of him and it took too much to get brave enough to move out. I don't think it would help anyway...if he couldn't get sober when I was there before, why would he now? I think he needs PROFESSIONAL help to get sober, and have told him so. And besides that things are sooo hard in every other aspect right now...we've shared everything (life experiences and material possesions) for so long, it's almost like we're getting a divorce. I still love him of course, and am so heartbroken that things have ended up so badly. This is sooo sooooo hard. So...though I hate to admit it...I'm feeling like this relationship is doomed. Even if he does get sober, he's hurt me so much. And besides that, I've realized that I'm so young, and don't really want to be tied down anymore. But of course, ending things is easier said than done, even if he's been awful. I feel so badly right now..I don't know what to do next. Should I be supportive and stick around atleast as a friend so he can get sober, or should I just work on cutting all ties with him? And how do I get it thru his head that I can't come back to him? What should I do...how do I start healing? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.