Not sure what to do....please help if you can

[breakingheart]

Hi,

 

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months about 3 weeks ago because I was worried that she was cheating on me. I dont know if she did or didnt but I tried to talk to her when she was giving me some strange signs and acting different but she said nothing was wrong. I tried one last time to address it with her and she got really pissed. When we didnt talk for 3 days and she stopped responding to my calls and texts I told her that I couldnt do this anymore. She was really REALLY pissed and came by my house to drop some of my stuff off that I left there without talking to me. I followed her out to the parking lot trying to get her to talk but she just kept walking, got in her car, and drove off. I called her, no answer, didn't leave a message. Sent her an email instead. No response.

 

Next day I try to call her again, no answer, and then she text messaged me back really pissed off that I dumped her and then told me to move on.

 

I tried calling her one last time the next day, then just gave up because I needed some time to think. I sent her an email about 2 weeks later saying we should talk, no response. I texted her a few days after that telling her I hoped she got my email and to have a good weekend...nothing.

 

Now I just sent her a mother's day e-card from hallmark...and don't know what to do. We had a good relationship for the most part but I think I jumped to conclusions and regret my decision...

 

What should I do to get her back if its even possible?!?

[faithful14]

Did she even try to deny it or convince you that she wasn't cheating?

[coolchick64]

I'm not sure what she was doing but I don't think you did anything so wrong that it would warrant her reaction. Sometimes when people want out, they behave badly until the other person pulls the trigger. IMO, she left you and there's probably nothing else you can do about it. You've tried. She won't respond. Just let it lie for now and see what happens next. BTW: I think the way she's acting is horrible! It must be terribly confusing and painful for you. I just don't think there's anything more you can do about it.

[JusticeLaw9]

What led you to believe that she was cheating on you?

 

She might've gotten frustrated with the fact that you were accusing her of something she hasn't done. But, I wasn't there and I don't know your girlfriend nor all the elements of the crime (If there is one) so I can't comment on that portion. Howeve,r I think if she is or was cheating on you it'll come out at some point. My question to you is, why would you want to talk to her or try to make up with her if you suspected she was cheating you???

[breakingheart]

I didnt accuse her of cheating but as more time went on I did ask her several times "are you ok?", "you sure you're ok because you've been acting a little diferent lately", and then the final time when she was just really almost completely ignoring me I did ask her "what's gotten into you lately? I don't understand...".

 

So I didnt ever accuse her of cheating. Just asked her if there was anything going on because what lead me to believe she might have been or who knows, maybe something else, she just stopped being affectionate and almost seemed like she was not even wanting to be touched at times and her whole body language and personality were different. Kinda coldish and distant.

 

Something was obvious going on for her to act that way because that's not how she always was before...but I did try to talk to her about it and yeah she did start getting pissed and argumentative but she also kept telling me that everything was fine...which doesnt make any sense either or she wouldnt have been acting that way....

[breakingheart]

why would you want to talk to her or try to make up with her if you suspected she was cheating you???

 

I want to talk to her because I really don't know what the heck was going on with her for that final two weeks of our relationship and I want to make up with her because I think we're both better than that and what happened. I know it hurt her for me to breakup with her because nobody likes to be rejected but I was feeling rejected too especially since I couldnt get any answers from her as to what was going on for her to be acting that way.

[breakingheart]

???

 

Not sure where to go or what to do but I came here for advice if anyone's able to offer any...

[shessofly]

since you've tried talking to her and she's not responding there's not much else you can do. maybe wait a month or so and give her time to cool down and see if she'll respond to you then. it may be that this is what she wanted all along. if that is the case there truly is nothing you can do to win her back. with her acting distant and all, she may have wanted you to do this.

[breakingheart]

Thats almost exactly what I told her when we broke up. I told her that I made my decision based on all of the signs, signals, and body language she was showing and she told me that I was just making assumptions. I really really do feel like this is what she wanted though and I feel that if it wasn't what she wanted she would at least be responding back to me.

 

Thats the hardest part right now. No responses at all. Im not sure if its better to get no response or a mean response.

 

Im just really confused and hurt and conflicted..............

[shessofly]

this happened to me once, although i did not realize that's what he was doing at the time. he went totally distant on me and for about a month i couldn't get him to admit to any kind of negative feelings. i finally broke up with him. come to find out he was too much of a coward to just end it when he wasn't feeling it anymore.

[Live-N-Learn]

this happened to me once, although i did not realize that's what he was doing at the time. he went totally distant on me and for about a month i couldn't get him to admit to any kind of negative feelings. i finally broke up with him. come to find out he was too much of a coward to just end it when he wasn't feeling it anymore.

 

Happened to me with my ex. She turned on a dime on Jan 21st (lol I remember the day)! I was forced to break up with her because of all her actions. Then when I try to talk to her about it, she tells me I have to live with my decision. Truth is she really wanted out and made me break up with her so she would feel better. Cowards...

[Poetry Guy]

This bears some uncanny resemblances to my own most recent relationship and in reading through some of the replies so far, it looks as though others have walked down that path as well. If you felt she was acting different and giving you strong enough signals and/or mixed messages, then you certainly had every right to ask her if something was going on or if something was bothering her. Without knowing the full details of your own unique situation, its obvious either way that something was definitely going on. Kudos to you though for at least attempting to address it with her by asking her questions rather than just throwing accusations her way.

 

Did you at least tell her that what she was doing was hurting/upsetting you?

 

If you did that and she still didn't acknowledge it, even if it was just to say something like "Hey, I'm really stressed right now because of [insert whatever reason] and I'm sorry if it's upsetting you" then she was more than likely already checking out of the relationship. Whether she was cheating on you or whatever else might have been going on is something that you may never end up knowing, and if that is the case, then I'll agree with Scott and a few others that she took a cowardly route and was more or less waiting, possibly even hoping, that you would pull the trigger first.

 

Again, I'm slightly biased though as this bears some similarities to my own relationship but either way: if you noticed significant changes in her like the ones you are describing, you did your best to address them with her, she failed to give you any kind of explanation or validation for your own feelings, and now on top of everything else she is not responding to any of the things that you are doing then there are really only two possibilities that come to mind:

 

1) You dumped her and maybe this is her own way of going NC right now.

 

2) She had already checked out of the relationship emotionally.

 

In either case, don't contact her anymore particularly if you have any desire whatsoever to reconcile. At this point, if you've contacted her that many times without a response, then the ball is in her court as to whether or not she initiates any further contact. It sucks not knowing with certainty but if she's not even giving you the decency of some kind of answer then you probably don't want to get involved with this girl again anyways.

[faithful14]

It just seems from what you have written that she didn't fight to keep the relationship going or seem very sad. It's almost as though she wanted to get out and then chose to stay mad at you so she can be the victim here.

[breakingheart]

Thanks ppl.

 

I still hurt like hell because I sent her and a bunch of my female friends mother's day ecards and she was the only one to not respond or thank me. I just dont get this and wish I knew what had really happened. How can someone tell you they love you and then pull this kinda * * * * ?! Even my sister said it would be a nice gesture to send her that mothers day card.......

 

I dunno. This really hurts like hell...

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks ppl.

 

I still hurt like hell because I sent her and a bunch of my female friends mother's day ecards and she was the only one to not respond or thank me. I just dont get this and wish I knew what had really happened. How can someone tell you they love you and then pull this kinda * * * * ?! Even my sister said it would be a nice gesture to send her that mothers day card.......

 

I dunno. This really hurts like hell...

 

Maybe it's just me but it seems like you dumped her to get a reaction. I feel like if you are going to dump someone, you should do so when you are wanting to move on and not necessarily to get them to talk to you.

 

If she was not communicating with you, it may be best that it ended. I just think you need to stop expecting her to talk to you after you dumped her.

[breakingheart]

Ms. Darcy I think you might be kinda right about the reaction part. I was just getting fed up with not getting any answers from her about her behavior and when she stopped contacting me for like 4 days while the relationship was still going on I was just really hurt, pissed, confused evething else.

 

I also think youre right about not expecting her to respond after I dumped her. I couldnt get her to respond while we were together so why would she respond now???

 

I dunno......

 

Ive been reading through other posts about this whole NC thing and maybe its best if I just do that and maybe if enough times goes by she'll contact me. I guess the ball's in her court right now anyways since Ive already made it clear that I want to talk about it but I cant force her to do that.

 

I just wish I knew what was/is really going on.....

[shessofly]

breakingheart, it really seems as though she did the whole act distant thing to get you to break up with her. it's unfortunate, but it does happen. she walked away without even trying to discuss things when you told her it was over. it sucks, i know. it happened to me

 

my advice - don't try to contact her anymore.

[breakingheart]

It DOES suck shessofly and Im sorry to hear that you went through that too.

 

I told her that I thought she was doing all of that to get me to breakup with her and then she acted like the victim and even try to say thats not what she wanted...?! I hate playing games in relationships but come on! If thats not what she wanted then why the hell did she do all of that, not even contact me for 4 days, and then not even want to talk about it?!?

 

Im not an idiot. If it wasnt what she wanted then she would have discussed it with me when I started asking her about it and would have contacted me in the 3+ weeks that we've been apart so far.