What to do in this situation?

[rapunzel]

So my ex (we work together as musicians) is injured, pulled a muscle in his back, says he's in "rough shape" and can't make it to our rehearsal.

 

Last week I was injured at a rehearsal (will leave out details) and he emailed me the next day checking in on me, and hoping I was OK. I was touched that he was thinking of me and was tempted to overanalyze but decided to go with he's just being a nice person. I emailed back and thanked him, he emailed back and that was it. We have very little interaction outside of occasional emails related to band business and of course, rehearsals and performances.

 

So now HE is injured and my natural inclination is to email him that I hope he is OK and that he feels better soon but then the part of me that remembers how much being dumped twice by this man destroyed me and I should just let it go.

 

Agree or am I being petty? We are not "friends" and I kind of doubt we ever will be.

[renaissancewoman101]

If he checked on you when you were injured at a rehearsal, it would be the kind, polite thing to email to check on him. But let that be the only conversation.

[rapunzel]

Yeah, Ren...agree it would be the polite and kind thing to do.

 

But I was polite and kind to him when we were together and he threw me away. Now he's alone, turning 51 this year, and with increasing age *stuff* like this starts to happen with increasing frequency (injuries, illness, etc). So part of me thinks, well, I don't want him to get that ego boost of me being there to offer assuring words whenever he is sick or injured because maybe he needs to realize how it sucks to be alone when you really need a caring person in your life.

 

Also, he was there and witnessed my injury so it's a little different.

 

Now I do sound petty.

[SparklyBoots]

Depends on how much headspace you are willing to sacrifice to this man...your natural inclination is to mail him, but will that lead to more analysing or would it simply make you feel better that you did the polite thing?

 

I doubt that someone as self centred as he has sounded in the past will mind if you don't ask after him...you really need to do what sits best with yourself....

[CatsMeeoow]

Knowing your history... I would let it go... you are not his nursemaid and you haven't gone out of your way for him in a very long time. Given how you have tortured yourself in the past I just wouldn't chance to reopen any old wounds and give them a chance to fester again... take control and let it go!

 

That's my opinion...

[rapunzel]

Yes, thanks sparkly and Cats.....I think it is good advice to "let it go" which is exactly what I'm going to do: nothing I will see him next week at a rehearsal and a show anyway....