Dont want to be alone anymore..

[Betty79]

Im so lonely at the moment, Im 31 in a couple of months and single and feel so far behind the rest of my friends who are either married with kids or in longterm relationships.

 

I met a guy last summer who I really liked, I actually said to myself a couple of times how lucky I was to meet him. He was nice looking, good job, funny etc etc and then after a couple of months he stopped calling so much and then came out with he wasn't "ready" for a relationship. I was gutted. I still miss him loads even now. Just felt a real connection with him.

 

Since then I have only been on 2 other dates, both of whom I met online. They were both fairly nice but we never got past the first date.

 

I have been told that I am nice looking so dont think thats the problem and im a pretty happy go lucky girl.

 

Its just since the guy last year I havent met anyone in my normal day to day life. Im not a hermit. I get out and do things with friends most weekends and go out on the town a couple of times a month but nothing seems to be happening and im just tired and fed up of life and its lack of oommpphh!

 

I miss being in love.

 

What am I doing wrong, how can I meet people?? Is it best to just not think about it and hope someone turns up while you are going about your life? I just dont know but I dont want to be alone anymore

[preciousgirl82]

It sounds to me like your life does have oomph. You have good friends to go out with and you're enjoying life. Are you sure you dont just want a relationship because its what you think you're "supposed" to have at this point in your life? Do you feel funny watching all your peers get married and having children? You're jealous of that excitement, right? Its rough at a certain age and you feel like you're missing something but its not the reason to seek out a mate. Theres no race here and love is a special thing but should not be taken lightly. I say continue to live your life. Go out and enjoy yourself and, when you least expect it, that special person will come along. Some people dont find their soul mate until they're in their mid-30s....thats NOT a crime. Love is worth the wait!

[Hermes]

I don"t know exactly what to say, Betty. I think it is important to socialise with friends, maybe attend events, get involved in some interesting organisation, or leisure past-time....

I know of a number of people who met their "future" at someone else"s wedding. You could even LOL ask some of your friends -- maybe the married ones -- to do some old-fashioned match-making....

 

H

[Hermes]

Again, good post, Precious!

 

H

[preciousgirl82]

Thanx Hermes!!

[Betty79]

It sounds to me like your life does have oomph. You have good friends to go out with and you're enjoying life. Are you sure you dont just want a relationship because its what you think you're "supposed" to have at this point in your life? Do you feel funny watching all your peers get married and having children? You're jealous of that excitement, right? Its rough at a certain age and you feel like you're missing something but its not the reason to seek out a mate. Theres no race here and love is a special thing but should not be taken lightly. I say continue to live your life. Go out and enjoy yourself and, when you least expect it, that special person will come along. Some people dont find their soul mate until they're in their mid-30s....thats NOT a crime. Love is worth the wait!

 

Yes you're right precious I know I am lucky in that I have some great friends and family and I thank my lucky stars for them. I have a decent job and my own place and in general I do enjoy life most of the time. I feel like its passing me by on the relationship front though. I admit I do feel jealous at times seeing my peers with their husbands and boyfriends. I miss that closeness and stability that comes with having a SO. There are obviously also times when friends have their own things on and I am sat here on my own feeling sorry for myself (as tonight!!)

 

Sometimes I even lie awake thinking about it, I guess its the pressure that society puts on people that they should be settled down by a certain age and its kind of worrying when you're not especially as I would really love to have kids.

[Betty79]

I mean how old are other singles on here. I read a lot of people in their early twenties or even younger on here unhappy they haven't met someone. I can honestly say in those days I was take it or leave it but I would really like to settle down now. I dont want to be going out drinking and dancing now, ive been doing that for the last 16 years. Its getting so old..like me..haha

[Shallow]

I mean how old are other singles on here.

 

I've got over 10 years on you.

 

I read a lot of people in their early twenties or even younger on here unhappy they haven't met someone. I can honestly say in those days I was take it or leave it but I would really like to settle down now.

 

I just said this in another post. It is amazing the number of disgruntled early 20-somethings who say they want something serious.

 

I dont want to be going out drinking and dancing now, ive been doing that for the last 16 years. Its getting so old..like me..haha

 

Ah Betty, you're just hitting your prime. As long as you're out there living your life, there's a good chance the right man will find you. If they aren't paying enough attention, maybe be a little more proactive and approach someone yourself . . . if you aren't doing that already. Some guys would love that.

[sparrow617]

seem im not alone i can relate not being a hermit but never get dates go along life every one looks past u its like u dont exist. so u give up hope and forget about love just gotta keep the additude that fate can be anything i still wait for a lady to aknowlege me

[newwave]

Some people dont find their soul mate until they're in their mid-30s....thats NOT a crime. Love is worth the wait!

 

And sadly some never do.

[Beginningandend]

I'm 31 much like you. Previously married and divorced. Once I got over that mess(and what a mess it was) there was a good stretch where I was worried about being alone.

 

Now? Still alone, and truth be told I'm loving it. Spending a lot more time doing the things I enjoy, focusing on my needs(something I didn't do in the past) and looking at doing something that I think for me is long overdue: going to college. I have no interest really in getting into a relationship any time soon.

 

At this point I'm sure you are wondering "Why exactly are you posting this?"

 

Well, because I have generated interest with other women...and trust me, it's not because of my looks! I'm doing what I'm doing and having fun and it shows. People respond to that, I think.

 

I'm kind of babbling, but my point is just enjoy your life, and a lot of the time that is really all that is needed for men to take notice. Don't worry about a "time line". No such thing. The social pressures are not a good enough reason, and never will be.

[radiotone]

i'd have to agree with previous post.

 

even though i'm younger (24), i'm finding myself less and less lonely lately. i've been out of a relationship for almost three years. and within those three years, i've realized i haven't planned out my life at all. or found direction. since then, i've been building towards a plan. and finally figured out what i'm going to try to do with my life. i'm pretty sure if i was stuck in a relationship, i probably wouldn't have personally grew into the person i'm becoming to be.

 

hope this insight helps..

i'm pretty sure your situation is different, and hope it all works out

[Betty79]

The thing is there is a timeline as I really want kids. If it wasn't for that and you could have kids at any age then I dont think I would be so worried about settling down into a relationship. I could just chill and go with the flow a bit more.

[sidehop]

You have time Betty, definitely enjoy yourself, in a sense you'll miss the time you had ALL the freedom to yourself one of these days In a good way of course!

[Curious_Girl]

The thing is there is a timeline as I really want kids. If it wasn't for that and you could have kids at any age then I dont think I would be so worried about settling down into a relationship. I could just chill and go with the flow a bit more.

 

You have plenty of time, plenty. I have a number of friends who got married in their mid-30s. After 35 there is a slight risk of Down's, but if you look at the stats, it's rare. It also does become a bit harder to get pg. But it's usually only after 40 that it gets really hard to get pg. One of my best friends just had her second child at 43! She had her first at 41, and they are both very healthy children.

 

Someone else said that it's worth waiting for love, and she's right. At your age, I was married with a kid, and now I'm divorced. It's no better.

[newwave]

You have plenty of time, plenty. I have a number of friends who got married in their mid-30s. After 35 there is a slight risk of Down's, but if you look at the stats, it's rare. It also does become a bit harder to get pg. But it's usually only after 40 that it gets really hard to get pg. One of my best friends just had her second child at 43! She had her first at 41, and they are both very healthy children.

 

Someone else said that it's worth waiting for love, and she's right. At your age, I was married with a kid, and now I'm divorced. It's no better.

 

Actually, the risks increase much more after 45. I was surprised myself but I was reading on March of Dimes and after 45 is when they increase. This kind of reassured me.

[Curious_Girl]

Actually, the risks increase much more after 45. I was surprised myself but I was reading on March of Dimes and after 45 is when they increase. This kind of reassured me.

 

I actually asked my doctor about this recently, and he said that even at 45, the risk is 10%. It is a lot higher, but even then, you have a 9/10 chance of having a healthy baby.

 

According to my doc, the problem is more about fertility. But if your eggs are good, you can always go for IVF. If you do that, you can get the embryos tested, too, before having them implanted.

[newwave]

I actually asked my doctor about this recently, and he said that even at 45, the risk is 10%. It is a lot higher, but even then, you have a 9/10 chance of having a healthy baby.

 

According to my doc, the problem is more about fertility. But if your eggs are good, you can always go for IVF. If you do that, you can get the embryos tested, too, before having them implanted.

 

10% is still low. You're right, it has to do with fertility and I'd add health. I know people sometimes worry that after a certain age it means disabled kids, but not always true. My doctor actually told me that at my age (39), I'd be just as likely to have a healthy kid as someone younger because I am healthy. I've been considering the idea of storing eggs because then I wouldn't be as worried about going through menopause as I am.

[Betty79]

Ok thanks guys the people on here really are great and you are all right I need to just chill and enjoy myself, which I am going to try hard to do. I mean its highly unlikely that myself or anybody else on here is going to go through the rest of their lives and never have a partner again.

 

I guess another reason for me is because I still think of my ex of last summer a lot too. We are still friends on fb and we have the occassional email now and again. I have moved on but still miss him quite a bit and I think until I meet somebody else that is never fully going to go away if you know what I mean.

 

Onwards and upwards though..

[Shallow]

I mean its highly unlikely that myself or anybody else on here is going to go through the rest of their lives and never have a partner again.

 

I don't know. With my luck recently (and not so recently), it seems more and more like a feasible scenario to me.