Newbie2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I went to a speed-dating session last week, it was a spur of the moment. I just want to see if there are really decent guys out there. Didn’t expect to meet anyone or start anything as I’m still trying to get over my 1st relationship break up 6 weeks ago. Anyway at the end of the night, I hang back and had a drink with three of the guys from the speed date, they are a group of best mates who came together. One of them is showing signs of interest in me and I tried to turn him off by telling story about me and my ex. It didn’t work. He insisted to catch up with me one day after work, I said yes, but I’m planning to come out straight and tell him, that I’m only open for friendship. (I like theatre, he never been to theatre and he was very keen in trying that out with me). I’m going to be frank (in a nice way) that I’m not looking for relationship, because I’m still trying to let go of my ex (who I’ve been in NC for more than 2 weeks n not planning to go back). Is it ok for me to come straight like that? I’m trying not to be selfish and thought that if I come out at the start then he won’t be that disappointed and we could start a friendship instead. Your thoughts? Link to comment
Shallow Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Is it ok for me to come straight like that? I’m trying not to be selfish and thought that if I come out at the start then he won’t be that disappointed and we could start a friendship instead. Your thoughts? It's perfectly OK for you to lay it out like that, but you'll have to accept that it's also perfectly OK if he's not interested in being friends after you do. Link to comment
DN Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I don't understand why you would go on a speed-dating evening if you are not interested in anything more than friendship - that is not the purpose of those evenings. Link to comment
Shallow Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I don't understand why you would go on a speed-dating evening if you are not interested in anything more than friendship - that is not the purpose of those evenings. I got the impression she liked the guy(s), but just not in that way. If I were to do anything like speed-dating, I wouldn't have very high expectations either to be honest. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Yes, or you can ease into it - depending on where the guy is. My friend does it all the time. All her guy friends were actually dates at some point or another. And yes, it's just friendship. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 None of those guys are on there looking for "friends". Link to comment
hers Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Like others have said, it's fine to be straight and honest like that but don't expect friendship out of it. It was misleading for you to go to a match-making event without actually wantung to be matched. He may see it as a waste of time to start a friendship with you. Just a thought. Link to comment
newwave Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 From what I've heard about speed dating, it seems to be people looking for serious relationships, not even casual sex or friendships. If I were you I'd take it slow because who knows he could become more. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 I don't understand why you would go on a speed-dating evening if you are not interested in anything more than friendship - that is not the purpose of those evenings. exactly! I was going to ask the same Q. Not trying to bash you OP, I've had this happen to me. The guys who initiated a contact with me on EH (Its a heavy-priced website which really focuses on dating to get married.) said "I'm currently looking only for friendship." What nonsense is that? Why are you looking for friendship with a person of opposite gender only and on EH? That makes no sense to me. Honestly, I consider that teasing a rabbit with a carrot, getting the hopes up and letting go. I've closed matches ruthlessly and faster than you can utter the word "friend". I'm not out there, investing my precious time and money to get junk like this. I'm there for a specific purpose which is to find a man worthy of dating and vice-versa. Link to comment
Newbie2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 I don't understand why you would go on a speed-dating evening if you are not interested in anything more than friendship - that is not the purpose of those evenings. We have theme speed dating events. It was a "Professional Casual speed-dating" night (casual in term of socialising purpose) and I was in the city. So I thought I dropped in. Not everyone go to speed dating for the purpose of relationship seeking. That what I was adviced, and most of the people who I met on the night was there for the experiece. How can there be steady relationship if there you can't be friend at first? I sat down and had the chat with the guy and his friends in a very friendly manner. They knew that I usually go to town by myself for theatre nights and that's where they offered their companion, if I needed. I'm just preventing myself from hurt the person who I consider can be a good friend. Link to comment
flow2000 Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 My advice would be not to go on any dates till you are ready. A guy who is interested in you will not like to get friend zoned. That's worse for him than never having met you at all. When you are ready to date again, give him a call or write on his wall on facebook. Link to comment
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