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What the HELL???


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Righty ho... about half an hour ago I was going to post a thread complaining about something. Basically my bf has gone away on a stag do this weekend and rightly or unrightly so, I was becoming increasingly miffed.

 

Miffed about the fact that I spent 3 days straight at home before working nights to wash and iron bag fulls of his clothes. I delivered them back to him last night, stayed overnight and cut his hair this morning ready for him to go. He said thank you and that it was appreciated but what irritated me was the fact that he couldn't send a quick text to let me know that he got there safe and was already pretty pissed by the time he did text.

 

I don't expect him to be texting me all the time when he is out with his friends, of course not, but I would have liked a quick text. This may be something to do with the fact that I'm not really in a good place emotionally at the moment because I am constantly worrying about where this relationship is going as some of you may already know from my posts. I'd like to think that this wouldn't be a problem if I knew that everything was on an even keel with us, but still, a simple text wouldn't have hurt.

 

Anyway, I replied and he took hours to reply, and send an almost incoherrent message stating he was smashed and he would catch me later. So I thought stuff it, I can't be bothered to answer so I didn't...This is the post that I was orginally going to post, until....

 

 

About an hour after his last message... He sends me one which says, "I'm home. Smashed. Love you, Catch you tomorrow, night night xxx"

 

Now, I'm sure as you are reading this you are wondering what's wrong with that message right? Well two words, "Love You". He hasn't said that or texted it or emailed it since this time around. If you are wondering... this is the third time around and we have been back together since October 2008!

 

I know he is drunk... but he's been drunk before and never slipped up. What do I do? Just ignore it?

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GOD this reminds me SO MUCH of my ex and my last relationship that it's actually depressing...

When my ex (everyone is different) was like this, going away for awhile, not texting, it was generally because he needed space...

 

Anyway, about the L word... He could be saying it because he knows your doubts about the r/ship at this time? He could just simply be drunk... I would just say it back. "Goodnight babe, I love you too." ??

If you mean it that is.

 

Also, back together since Oct 2008, and NO ILY's?? Or did you mean 2009????

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I'm still confused: why is his saying "Love You", albeit for the first time since you got back together a year and a half ago, slipping up? Isn't it a nice thing to hear? I can't help but think that your current frame of mind is what's leading you to interpret it negatively. Am I wrong?

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Of course not - tell him you love him too.

 

Assuming that you do.

 

Ah, as I typed the words "what should I do" I knew someone would say that!

 

It's just not that simple though is it? I mean... about 2 months ago it almost ended when I brought up where the relationship was going and bascially told him I was being neglected. He agreed with me blah blah blah...

 

Anyway that went on for a few days via text and that particular weekend I was due to go out with a friend. I was upset but I didn't want to let her down so I went. He kept texting me the same old rubbish... telling me I deserved better and he couldn't give me what I needed. I told him to stop texting me because I was having to go to the toilet all the time to hide the fact I was upset from my friend.

 

He was meant to pick me up that night and said that he still would but didn't think it was right that we were together that night and told me he would drop me home. I basically thought that was it over so right then and there I texted and laid it out on the table. I told him I loved him then (the first time I had said it too since we had been back together) and he didn't say anything about it. I also told him that if he wanted it over then it would be and to not pick me up, but if he wanted to work on things to be there. I told him that if he wasn't there it would mean that it's over and I wouldn't bother him again.

 

He said that it couldn't be so cut and dry, but it had to be. I had been messed about far too long. In the end, he was there.

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In that case... I wouldn't reply via text.

If I were you I would leave him alone for the stag do, and when you guys are next face-to-face, TALK. Let HIM do the talking though. You want to hear his feelings, you want to hear his wants and needs, what he wants from a relationship, how he feels towards you, and your relationship right now...

Get it all out in the open...

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GOD this reminds me SO MUCH of my ex and my last relationship that it's actually depressing...

When my ex (everyone is different) was like this, going away for awhile, not texting, it was generally because he needed space...

 

Anyway, about the L word... He could be saying it because he knows your doubts about the r/ship at this time? He could just simply be drunk... I would just say it back. "Goodnight babe, I love you too." ??

If you mean it that is.

 

Also, back together since Oct 2008, and NO ILY's?? Or did you mean 2009????

 

You had it right the first time, October 2008. It may sound petty, but I didn't want to say it first. And the fact that he wasn't saying it worried me because I thought that if he did, then he would say it.

 

I'm still confused: why is his saying "Love You", albeit for the first time since you got back together a year and a half ago, slipping up? Isn't it a nice thing to hear? I can't help but think that your current frame of mind is what's leading you to interpret it negatively. Am I wrong?

 

I'm wondering if it's a slip up because he's drunk. I mean, he hasn't said it in all this time, so why now?

 

You're upset he hasn't told you he loves you in over a year or you're upset that he said it? I'm confused.

 

Well yeah, I am upset that he hasn't said it in over a year, but as time went on I kinda got used to it. It still bothered me though. During the first year I kept thinking "within the next few months surely" but when it didn't come in so long, I didn't think it ever would. I mean, I even thought, maybe we will just have a relationship where those words aren't said ever again.

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In that case... I wouldn't reply via text.

If I were you I would leave him alone for the stag do, and when you guys are next face-to-face, TALK. Let HIM do the talking though. You want to hear his feelings, you want to hear his wants and needs, what he wants from a relationship, how he feels towards you, and your relationship right now...

Get it all out in the open...

 

That's kinda what I mean. I don't think it's as simple as just saying it back. When I was annoyed that he hadn't let me know he had got there safe, and then proceeded to text me drunk, I was a little annoyed. Like I said, it wouldn't be that much of a problem if things in this relationship were fine. I mean, they are at the moment, but as soon as there is a bump in the road, it goes right back to square one with him thinking that it needs to end, and me wondering where I stand and if this is going to last.

 

It's not really a case of leaving him alone. I wasn't planning on bombarding him with messages anyway but we do make contact everyday so me just ignoring him completely will having him wondering what the hell is going on.

 

I don't really want to say it back just incase it is just because he is drunk then I will look like an idiot. But I can't text him in the morning now saying that I fell asleep last night because then it will be obvious that I saw the message in broad daylight.

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i coudln't have a relationhip where that wasn't said. i'd wonder what i was in it for. sounds like more of a friendship than relationship.

 

It was very strange. There have been a few times recently where I think he has maybe tried to say it, you know those quiet moments... but he has just said, I like you..

 

I know there are feelings there and they're definitely not feelings of friendship, trouble is, I don't know what they are.

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for as long as you guys have been together, if you're not at the point of telling each other that you love each other (and meaning it), i'd say there's not much of anything else to look forward to.

 

I haven't said it because I was scared to. I was scared what his answer would be. I'd rather not know than deal with that sort of rejection again. When I did say it, I was drunk but I meant it. Maybe he thought I was saying it because I was drunk too?

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Not text back in ages can be annoying, but sometimes boys will be boys

 

As for the I love you, you should be happy. He got back drunk and YOU were on his mind

 

Well yeah, he drove down to where they are with 3 other boys in his car. He was obviously happy to be having a weekend away drinking and thats fine. Obviously when they got there they might have had something to eat and then got ready to go out. I don't know how many went but I'm guessing quite a few so they're all gonna be talking and messing about. That's fine and dandy.

 

I am happy, shocked more though. I'm worried now about how to repsond. I really can't say it back at this point.

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Well yeah, he drove down to where they are with 3 other boys in his car. He was obviously happy to be having a weekend away drinking and thats fine. Obviously when they got there they might have had something to eat and then got ready to go out. I don't know how many went but I'm guessing quite a few so they're all gonna be talking and messing about. That's fine and dandy.

 

I am happy, shocked more though. I'm worried now about how to repsond. I really can't say it back at this point.

 

The question is, do you love him?

 

Or are you just afraid of saying it because of something thats happened in the past?

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i don't know, i just don't see how this is much of a relationship if you're scared to tell each other how you feel after years of being together.

 

I suppose it's because we have had so much rubbish happen in the relationship. We have already broken up twice before so I don't think either of us know where we are.

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The question is, do you love him?

 

Or are you just afraid of saying it because of something thats happened in the past?

 

I do yeah. Never stopped really. I do feel a lot of resentment towards him though from the past but I don't act on it. I keep it away and deal with it myself. There are times when I think about everything and I feel like ending it then and there. Sometimes I think I must be mad to still be here, but I am. But when we are together, and there are no current issues, we get along so well and it feels right.

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but after a year and a half of being "back together", you still don't know???

 

Argh it's a long story. See, when we have issues, he can't deal with them. He can't talk about things and that drives me insane. So things are left to fester until it all gets to much and it blows up and he's left thinking that it just wont work out and that we're not suitable. Then after a while, things go great again and then back to poo and it goes around and around constantly but it has been better recently. Then I'm left feeling unsure about everything and wondering where it is going.

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I do yeah. Never stopped really. I do feel a lot of resentment towards him though from the past but I don't act on it. I keep it away and deal with it myself. There are times when I think about everything and I feel like ending it then and there. Sometimes I think I must be mad to still be here, but I am. But when we are together, and there are no current issues, we get along so well and it feels right.

 

Well you should maybe bite the bullet and say it back to him then

 

Love and relationships is never a simple journey from point A to point B

 

You put yourself on the line the minute you enter a relationship, sometimes it works out sometimes it doesnt. But you cant spend your entire time worrying about whats gonna happen if you say those 3 little words.

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I think you should just tell him you love him and stop twitching on the end of that stick. Either throw yourself into this thing full throttle, or get out of it. You've got nothing to lose that you haven't lost already--and you survived. Don't pick everything apart. Either decide you've got it back and go for it, or walk away. You're squelching yourself with an eggshell walk and zero payoff. Pick a direction, and JUMP. If you're wrong, it can't be worse than what you're doing to yourself (and to him) already.

 

In your corner.

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