What the HELL???

[DN]

Well a little update...

 

Nothing about it has been said today so I suppose it was a case of being drunk after all.

 

People say things when they are drunk that they wish they could say when sober. It is much more likely that he meant it than that he didn't mean it.

[catfeeder]

Well a little update...

 

Nothing about it has been said today so I suppose it was a case of being drunk after all.

 

Are you considering how he might believe his remark was received? "Nothing has been said," means that you didn't say anything, either.

 

Are you doing your part to encourage him?

[DN]

Are you considering how he might believe his remark was received? "Nothing has been said," means that you didn't say anything, either.

 

Are you doing your part to encourage him?

This is a good point - he may be feeling more than a little crushed right now.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well I get what you both are saying, but I simply couldn't say it back just incase it was said due to drinking too much.

 

I did send a text about an hour later saying I was sorry I had fallen asleep watching TV and had just woken up and told him that I hopehe had a good night.

 

He replied this morning early saying "Sorry to you was wrecked and lost my way. Spent an hour looking for the hotel. All good in the end though, was a good night. Just going for breakfast xxx"

 

Soooo.... sorry for what??? I don't understand why he said sorry? Sorry he shouldn't have said what he did? Does he even remember?

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm also thinking that if he means it, wouldn't he have said it over the last year and half?

[DN]

He could be saying that he is sorry you don't feel the same way about him as he does about you.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't think so for the tone of the message. It was quite upbeat. If anything I think he means sorry for being drunk but there is no need for him to say sorry to me about that.

[DN]

Well, I don't think you can complain from now on that he never says "I love you" because he did.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well, I don't think you can complain from now on that he never says "I love you" because he did.

 

Yes but don't forget that I did too and got nothing back. That was two months ago.

[hers]

Why don't you ask HIM these questions? if you want to know what he's thinking, he's probably the best one to ask. All you're gonna get here is speculation and dead ends.

[thathoopla]

They say drunks are honest, saying what they really feel.

 

Be happy that he does love you =]

[catfeeder]

It sounds like negativity and doubt are your default position, and nothing anyone can say will ever change that for you.

 

If you want to stagnate into unhappiness with this guy, you can certainly do that. If you want to change your own perceptions, BF may or may not follow your lead--and even if he does, there could be a lag. Meanwhile, at least YOU would be happier.

 

It's a decision.

[DN]

Yes but don't forget that I did too and got nothing back. That was two months ago.

So are you going to wait two months to say it again?

[pumpkinmoon]

It sounds like negativity and doubt are your default position, and nothing anyone can say will ever change that for you.

 

If you want to stagnate into unhappiness with this guy, you can certainly do that. If you want to change your own perceptions, BF may or may not follow your lead--and even if he does, there could be a lag. Meanwhile, at least YOU would be happier.

 

It's a decision.

 

I really don't want to be negative about this here. I know that this sort of thing shouldn't really be that much of a big deal but the fact that it has taken so long somehow makes it bigger.

 

It's always been me who has been positive about things in this relationship. Always trying to work things through and solve issues but I haven't been able to in the past because he just doesn't seem to work that way.

 

The reason I didn't answer what he said is because it could very well have been a slip up because of drinking. How can you just come out with that after this long?

 

I'm more inclined to believe that he doesn't even remember saying it. He wasn't a little drunk but very, and he even told me that he still feels drunk today. That was a few hours ago and he has already started drinking again.

[pumpkinmoon]

So are you going to wait two months to say it again?

 

I realise how all of this must sound. Maybe I'm not putting myself accross very well. It's not a case of being stubborn. I didn't not say it back because he didn't say it back to me. Surely though I have to wonder where it came from all of a sudden? Especially when we have even had a few problems over the past few weeks and during times like that, he usually withdraws.

[hers]

Your biggest complaint about him from all of your threads is failure to communicate. But with this thread, you're encouraging his lack of communication. Instead of brinigng things up and attempting to talk about them, you're trying to read his mind and guess what he meant. You won't get out of this situation that way.

[pumpkinmoon]

I suppose I will just have to wait to see if the subject is brought up again.

[pumpkinmoon]

Your biggest complaint about him from all of your threads is failure to communicate. But with this thread, you're encouraging his lack of communication. Instead of brinigng things up and attempting to talk about them, you're trying to read his mind and guess what he meant. You won't get out of this situation that way.

 

I see what you mean but I can't start texting him whilst he is away asking him about it all. Even when he gets back tomorrow, I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing it up incase he wonders what the hell I am talking about. I mean, what if he has forgotten that he sent it?

[hers]

I'm not saying bring it up now and ruin his stag weekend with his friends. But you're saying you're just gonna wait to see if it comes up again. How long will you wait? What's the point of the relationship if you do nothing but text and wonder what your relationship is? I haven't done that since I was 15. That's a high school relationship. You're adults. It shouldn't be this difficult.

[catfeeder]

I suppose I will just have to wait to see if the subject is brought up again.

 

By whom?

 

How can this guy win? He says he loves you, but it's too little, too late, and not sober enough for you, so you squelch any positive response and torture yourself for the rest of the weekend--so by the time this poor guy gets home, you'll be seething.

 

You're in control of this scenario. Will you be holding up a mental timer waiting for him to either say the L-Word or be condemned to your sulking for the duration, or will you put your arms around him as soon as he walks through the door, and say, "I missed you, and I love you...sooo much!"

 

You get to pick your own outcome.

[pumpkinmoon]

By whom?

 

How can this guy win? He says he loves you, but it's too little, too late, and not sober enough for you, so you squelch any positive response and torture yourself for the rest of the weekend--so by the time this poor guy gets home, you'll be seething.

 

You're in control of this scenario. Will you be holding up a mental timer waiting for him to either say the L-Word or be condemned to your sulking for the duration, or will you put your arms around him as soon as he walks through the door, and say, "I missed you, and I love you...sooo much!"

 

You get to pick your own outcome.

 

Nooooooo I'm not angry at all. Definitely not too little too late. All I was worried about is whether or not he meant to say it, if he meant it or whether it's just because he was drunk. Definitely not seething or anything of the sort. All I am is confused about it all.

[catfeeder]

Nooooooo I'm not angry at all. Definitely not too little too late. All I was worried about is whether or not he meant to say it, if he meant it or whether it's just because he was drunk. Definitely not seething or anything of the sort. All I am is confused about it all.

 

Good. Why not just enjoy it instead of picking it apart? Respond with a healthy dose of love and encouragement when he gets home. Assume that you can help everything positive in your relationship to grow instead of analyzing it to death? Operate 'as if' things are exactly as you want them to be, and build on that. Don't permit old complaints to rob you of a bright future.

 

In your corner.

[DN]

OK - so what exactly have you got to lose if you say it back? Try saying "Your text last night saying 'love you' was sweet - love you too."

 

See what his reaction is.

[pumpkinmoon]

OK - so what exactly have you got to lose if you say it back? Try saying "Your text last night saying 'love you' was sweet - love you too."

 

See what his reaction is.

 

You know that feeling when you are sat in the dentist's waiting room? Well when I think of doing what you just said, I get that. What if I did and he asks me what I'm talking about?

[hers]

Um, you tell him that he sent you a text saying that last night.

 

Why are you analyzing this so deeply? What do you have to lose?