Lawyer needs some advice and tips

[capitan_de_castilla]

Ok Gentlemen, this is my problem:

---THE FACTS---

1-I'm a 25 year-old lawyer, and I have a 20 year-old brunette secretary.

2-I red many tips and advices about atracting women in your website, and I start put them in practice (eye contact, smiling, conversational tips, etc.. And I care about my physical appearance) two weeks ago. Usually is she who breaks the eye contact, and she usually smiles when i talk to her looking to the floor.

3-I did fall in love with my secretary (how original i am )...

4-She's depressed because her boyfriend wants to dump her, and he's not very nice with her.

5-I show her I'm worried about her and I want to help her, but she doesn't have much confidence on me, so I can't know many things about her private life.

6-She's very hot!! Despite this, I never told her how's beautiful she is and this sort of things, because i want be original, so I like to tell her how smart she is, or how gentle she is, attributes i know she is not used to hear (for example: today she cleaned my office; when i arrived i noticed it, and i told her a fairy been in my office??"."No .Why?"she replied."Because it looks so great I thought a fairy cleaned it..."she laughed and smile looking to me, so i put in practice the eye contact "weapon", only broke by her...)

7- I don't feel uncomfortable when i talk to her; actually i feel very confident, because it's fun trying to seduce her...

8-But, usually, I'm tho only one who breaks the ice, and start the conversation.

9-I'm not looking to talk with her all the time, because I don't want to put any kind of pressure on her/our relationship.

 

--- MY FEARS---

 

10-I work/live in a small town where everybody is well known.

11-I'm afraid to invite her to a drink, because I fear she reject's the invitation and told everyone I tried to seducer her.

12-A boss who tries to seduce his employees against their will is severally punished by portuguese law.

13-And his image may be seriosly affected in the town he lives...

14-Most of the time, It's me who start's the conversation, so I don't know if she is not feeling confortable to talk with me. (except in profissional issues).

15-Our conversations are the "I-ask-she-answers" type.

 

---SO I ASK FOR YOUR OPINION---

16- Should I continue with my "seducion campaign" on her, and have more pacience? Or should I give up?

17- Do you think I'm acting properly with her?

18- Do you have some more advices/tips to make her fall in love with me?

 

Thanks for your help!

[owlman]

Hi Captain and welcome.

I believe that you should tread very carefully here. Re-read your "fears" about this situation, I think you know what the consequences could/will be. Plus, she doesn't seem to be giving you that many "go-ahead" signals, at least from what you've provided here.

Picture this, her boyfriend dumps her and you swoop in while she's on the rebound. She "recovers" shortly after and lo-and-behold, doesn't want to continue the relationship. So what happens next? Could you continue to work with her/could she continue to work for you? You might even be facing some jail time.

The heart wants what the heart wants (I can't remember what movie that's from), but I think you may want to make sure you aren't thinking with some other body part. But, hey, I don't know the whole situation...

Best of Luck to you!

[pennywise1]

Captain,

 

Based on past experiences I would not recommend getting involved with someone from work. Sure its great while it lasts, but when its over (not trying to be pesamistic here) it can be incredibly difficult. Even if it is not a bad breakup, it will still be tough. Once you become intimate with someone, and then its ends, you can not turn back the clock, things will always be different from that point forward.

 

Plus, the most critical aspect in your situation is that you are her boss. Like I said, its a tough situation to be in cause you like her, but as a lawyer I would think that this decesion should be a no brainer for you.

 

Sorry captain, if it were me I would not test the waters. You are a young guy probably just starting your first job, you have too much to loose.

 

Pennywise

[SwingFox]

Hi Captain,

 

I am with the previous posters, that it might be a VERY good idea to be VERY careful in what you do. Don't just let the heart speak, but also listen to your mind. You pointed out your fears and I am sure you wouldn't want to jeopardize your career here.

 

The reason why this young lady is not opening up totally to you, is probably just because she is going through a difficult time. Breaking up is a very emotional situation and it does involve pain and hurt.

 

I would wait at least another six months to a year AFTER she did break up entirely and then see how things go from there.

 

I hope this helped you and I wish you good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~

[frackledJJ]

I'm with the rest, I have to say. Even though it will be tough for you. But you don't know her side of the story. She might fear the same things you fear. Or almost the same things. She can't be sure that you will not fire her if she doesn't want to get emotionally involved. She might feel guilty towards her former or former to be boyfriend, even though he wants to dump her. She might fear what people in town are going to say about her if she gets more and more involved with you.

The only tip I can give you is: be there for her, listen to her and be patient. Try to be the patient, fair, friendly and caring boss, and from there go on to beeing a patient, fair firendly and caring friend of hers. If she doesn't act on it, both of you will still be able to work with each other. Don't wear your heart on your tongue and think really hard about what you want her to know about your feelings and how to express them in order for her to understand them properly. And now I wish you good luck.