Experiences with partners with a promiscuous past?

[Capricorn3]

Sounds like a fundamental difference in values. I am not so sure this is something that you are ever going to be able to fully accept because her views on sex are very different from your views. This is who she is and that's likely not going to change..she is a highly sexual person.

What you need to do is figure out if this difference in sexual values is a deal-breaker for you.

^^ I agree with all of the above. It all comes down to different values and it's clearly bothering you. You have to decide if you can deal with this and accept it, or not.

 

Sometimes we are not always compatible, no matter how much we try. This may be one of those cases.

[maconroad]

update: Next time I'll trust my gut. This girl never changed. Couldn't stop flirting and seeking attention from other men. Told me she loved me while she was talking to her friend about lining the next guy up. If I even expressed concern about this behavior, she said I was "too controlling." Let's see how many of her future boyfriends will put up with her flirting with other guys and her lack of emotional intimacy. For god's sake, after 8 months together, she couldn't even spell my last name right on a note she gave me.

 

Sad thing is, she will never admit the role she plays in the failure of her relationships. I hope one day she realizes that she has to change her behavior. Moderator please delete this thread.

[Starrgrl]

eh... sucks =( well it's good you got out of it in the early (ish) stages. I don't think it's a good idea to go with people that can't control themselves. I don't know, it's just a moral thing really imo.

[Ministottie]

My boyfriend has had a rather active past and I will admit that it bothers me too. I have never had sex with someone I am not in a relationship with and so don't really understand the desire to do so, but you just have to look at it as she is with you for a reason. The past is in the past, some people like to experience things before they settle down in a meaningful relationship, and honestly, I'm glad my partner got it out of the way before meeting me, maybe you should think like that too

[johndoe13]

Does anyone else have experience with a girlfriend with a high "body count"? Do they really change or do they get bored with a relationship after a certain time? Do you have any tips to get over it?

 

Yes, here. I spent almost 5 years in a high anxiety state. I never knew her body count although I asked her to be honest, snooped (was more than she said...i was crazy on my part)....I noticed later on in this thread that you broke up with her because of her flirting. A woman flirting with men in front or in back of you is bad news. But apparently many many women do it and it is 'harmless'.

 

My experience is that when something bothers you to a point you need to confirm your ambivalence with friends, family, and internet boards, and anxiety is part of your daily routine; it spells incompatibility. Something you perceive (consciously or unconsciously) in her current behavior is validating your biggest childhood fear (abandonment, betrayal, being used). Knowing her past just helps you confirm if some unwanted behaviors are still there.

 

A promiscuous girlfriend may not cheat. But it is a big gamble as most of the promiscuous women I know have very low self-esteem (even though they may be hot). I once asked (stupid me) my ex, how would you react if some handsome guy started heavily flirting a party. She told me she could not tell me how she would react, since it has not happened lately...I got my answer and triggered even more anxiety because this suggests abandonment is a possibility at any moment.

 

In my case it was both our faults. I am kind-off a dependent personality type and she was 100% avoidant. I need a lot of reassurance versus she needs space and routines. We could not re-conciliate our needs; specially me. I accepted we were just too different.

 

Have you kept on dating?

[nutbrownhare]

If I were in your shoes, I'd proceed with caution. She seems to be into having short term relationships. So don't get too attached until you are sure she is the right girl for you.

 

She's had two relationships which lasted ten years.

 

To me, it sounds more like she had sex too soon in the other relationships before either party realised it wasn't going to work. If you read other posts on here, there are plenty of poor souls who met someone, thought everything was going really well - only to find themselves dumped after they had sex. They've come on here because they're really upset and wonder what went wrong. Would you judge someone harshly for this situation? Is that a one-night stand?

 

I'd take the view that she's obviously into long-term relationships, but won't stick around with the wrong person for the sake of being half a couple. You don't say how old she is, but my experience of having had a wild past in my youth is that you grow out of it - and are actually more faithful and committed than someone who has a midlife crisis, has been with one partner for decades and now wants to get out to sow a few wild oats.

 

As you already realise, you either need to get your head round this or move on. I wouldn't judge her harshly unless you have all the facts.