why get back with an ex that doesn't appreciate you?

[kate111]

I know the reason to my own question"why does the ex call?" which I asked earlier on a different post.

 

He thinks he can string me along as a backup plan in case something better doesn't come along or until his relationship with the current girl turns bad.

 

Now call me a romantic but this really appalls me.

 

Do all people do this backup plan thing? (cos I don't think I do).

 

I think alot of people on this forum like to live in the delusion that SURELY their ex must realise the value of them and will SURELY come back. But this isn't the case at all.

 

If your ex dumped you or left you for another person then it is because they didn't realise just how special and amazing you are.

 

You are a much more spiritually evolved person if you think of "love" as something that needs to be worked at and something to commit to rather than just getting out at the first opportunity or when a better looking chick comes along.

 

Why waste time on someone who doesn't understand and can never understand your special qualities?

 

Better to move on, cut your losses and never talk to the person again. If they didn't appreciate you when they had you, then they never will.

 

When I think of my ex now I think, wow what was I thinking? What a dickhead? thank god I never have to speak to him again. Thank god I didn't marry him.

[NightLily]

Ahh.. I agree with your post in many ways. Are you a bit bitter over this? From the sounds of it you are, and I know I am. Hehe. I guess these men just aren't worth our time. We both deserve Batmans Kate, twin Batmans.

 

Take care,

SUzyQ

[kate111]

Yes I go through periods of bitterness. The resentment has changed from"why did he leave me?" to "why did i ever go out with such a twerp?".

 

Maybe you think I am on the wrong forum, because I don't actually want my ex back. But there was a time when I did.

 

I know, this is how I discovered enotalone myself. But now I have realised that getting an ex back may not be such a good idea.

 

I am a strong supporter of "no contact" until you can see the situation more clearly.

 

So to all those out there newly broken up, do no contact. Dont question it or think about it, just do it and in the end you will be grateful.

 

Oh and Suzy I already have a Batman. I have a boyfriend who is both goodlooking and kind. Smart and funny. I am so in love with him.

 

Maybe I had to go out with one twerp so that I could appreciate my current boyfriend's qualities to their full extent.

 

Life is full of surprises. Don't give up hope thinking your ex is the only one. Have faith in yourself and don't accept a crappy situation. Someone else will come along and you will be rewarded for your patience and high standards.

 

 

I reaaly hope that you find your Batman too Suzy. all the best.

I really believe that.

[Chandler]

Thanks for your words, Kate. It helps me to read them. I relate in some ways although not completely. I did a lot for my ex when we were together, but when it was my turn to concentrate on my career, she said I put other things above her. Although she started dating within weeks after our break up, she does not string me along. She has made it clear that we can only be friends. She was honest with me the whole time (as far as I can tell), and I respect her for that. When I found out she started dating, I started no contact. We've spoken only once since, and after 2 months, it's still hard. I still have to fight the urge to not call her.

 

I hope one day I can feel the way you do.

[johnagent1911]

I agree and trust me I have been over this a million times in my head that we are better off BUT!

 

What if at the time things just wasn't working out? Not "someone" else in the picture... I mean, what if you guys would argue so much and cause so much stress? Wouldn't it be smart to break up for a bit.. Breaking up with someone isn't forever unless both parties want it that way.

 

I agree with you in some areas but it's purely on a case to case basis.

 

-1911

[bitterbear18]

When you "love" someone it should come as a life-long statement and shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

You don't have to be with someone to love them.

 

I think it's more important to cultivate yourself first, understand why you feel the way that you do about that person and what you're in the relationship for.

 

Otherwise you'll just collapse.

 

My thought anyway.

[JT]

I think holding on to someone and not completely letting them go is true to some degree. However I can only speak from personal experience, and I let my ex go because I was'nt sure she was the one, and quite frankly our relationship was a lot of work. It was very difficult at times.. thats not to say we had our good times too. Now, when I was with her I did'nt feel as if she was the one.. I had my doubts about her. Plainly spoken... if I am unable to receive what I need in a relationship, I am unable to give what she needs in a relationship. Its' very true. I had to see what else was out there. I would not be happy if I decided to stay and not have ventured out into the world to perhaps find someone better than me. Its something that I had to do. If it was meant to be, then perhaps we'll get back together.. but I am confident in knowing I may not find someone as good as she was... but that was a chance that I had to take. Its better to have lost love than not loved at all. I look at it as a learning experience.

 

So, to many people who wonder about the grass being greener on teh other side.. contemplate NOT finding it. Contemplate actually finding it... make a decision and be prepared to possibly be alone for the rest of your life.. but be prepared to take the necessary steps to improve yourself, learn from the situation and not compare this one to any other. Appreciate a woman for who she is and her individuality. I think so many people being the dumpers dont accept the fact that if they want to find someone better.. they may risk the facet of being alone for the rest of your life. It will take time to get over the dependency yes.. but you must prepare yourself mentally to be strong. It will either make you or break you.. the choice is ultimately up to you.

[bitterbear18]

I totally agree with that statement.

 

I you can't walk it alone then you really shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

 

I've started to contemplate about the relationship and if it was really just companionship I was after or if I was really in love with this person.

 

It could have been both, we were both only children (yikes!) but we both admitted to each other that we'd never connected with anyone on such a deep level.

 

*Sighs*

[JT]

Yes your right.. sometimes infatuation and dependency or codependency for the most part is to blame. You must get over any of these obsticles and be able to look at the situation objectively before you make a decision as to whether they were right for you or not. Getting caught up in the moment with attachment and codependency makes things difficult to look at from an objective perspective. Just because you connected with this person does'nt mean you can't connect with others. Some people are'nt willing to take the risk of being alone and searching for that. That I call "settling".. and it was'nt something I would do with anything in my life.

[bitterbear18]

I think that's a great way of putting it, "settling".

 

Before this relationship I was in control in my life and my direction, I was goign great... only until I enetered into this relationship that I let emotions take control of me.

 

It's trying to get out of that hole which is the hard bit, but you know as they say "If you've dug yourself the hole the best thing to do is stop digging."

 

I'm getting myself through the breakup this site, some of the people I've met through this site and just going back to the things that I enjoyed doing prior to the relationship.

 

You need time to heal a wound and going out with someone else just re-injures it. Not only that, it's such a weak option.