Random Babblings of Nothing

[candykisses]

I didn't even see all this until recently. Because I'm busy working and moving.

 

So to the people she has hurt, please please accept my sincere apologies on her behalf.

[candykisses]

This entire journal has been a joke on us.

[candykisses]

I am disgusted.

[candykisses]

This song was what got me through that difficult dark period when I worked as the personal assistant to the producer of Fashion Week, when sexual harassment took place. (I changed a few details around to protect my identity).

 

I see the light in the distance. I am going to keep moving forward.

[candykisses]

Deborah Cox – Beautiful U R

It’s your life

Things may not always go right, for you

In those times

Just leave it behind

Cause sometimes you gotta play the game

Just to survive

Without losing yourself

It’s a fight, it’s true

It takes time

Don’t have all the answers

No matter how hard it gets

Hold on to what’s inside

 

(CHORUS)

Don’t never let nobody bring you down girl

Don’t never let nobody tear your world apart

Look in the mirror and see who you are

Beautiful U R

 

In the dark

The paint chips have waited your heart

So deep

Can’t you see

See the light in the distance

Open up your eyes, look, look to the sky

And believe

There’s much more to life when you free

That’s the key

And in time

You will find all the answers

Don’t have to lose your pride

Hold on to what’s inside

 

 

(CHORUS)

Don’t never let nobody bring you down girl

Don’t never let nobody tear your world apart

Look in the mirror and see who you are

Beautiful U R

Don’t never let nobody bring you down girl

Don’t never let nobody tear your world apart

Look in the mirror and see who you are

Beautiful U R

 

Don’t care what they say anymore

There’s no time to be insecure

I leave it all at the door

 

She stearing at him in the face

She’s taking it day by day

I’m finally on my way

 

(CHORUS)

Don’t never let nobody bring you down girl

Don’t never let nobody tear your world apart

Look in the mirror and see who you are

Beautiful U R

Don’t never let nobody bring you down girl

Don’t never let nobody tear your world apart

Look in the mirror and see who you are

Beautiful U R

Beautiful U R

Beautiful U R

Beautiful U R

[candykisses]

She had gone into my inbox too all this time, the whole time I was away.

 

Can't you get your own life, and guys? Why are you so obsessed with mine?

[candykisses]

She's like Blair on Gossip Girl. And Regina in Mean Girls.

[candykisses]

All one can do is be the bigger person and laugh it off.

[candykisses]

Mean, in a super duper passive aggressive way.

 

That's girls. She has no life. She lives for drama. That's "Mean Girls" for ya.

 

It would take another female who can relate to me to know just exactly what I mean, to understand the cattiness, passive aggressiveness, meanness, jealousy, the passive aggressiveness, the premeditation, the sophisticated way of meanness. I deal with cattiness like this on a daily, frigging basis.

When they can't get a reaction/rise out of you, it drives them insane.

My life is a huge rumour mill. They want me destroyed.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, I'm just too busy, too laid-back and too much of a woman to care.

 

Women out there who know what it's like to walk in my shoes -- my message: be the bigger person and brush it off. Girls like this aren't worth getting worked up over.

[candykisses]

I did NOT write this. I mean, please. LOL. Would I really talk and flaunt about myself like that? Is this a joke????? I am actually laughing out loud. Like, wow, really? People actually talk about themselves like that?

 

 

 

 

[candykisses]

This is completely perverted.

[candykisses]

Now if you will excuse me, I have a life to attend to and a portfolio to work on.

[candykisses]

When I wanna reach out to you

But I turn and I walk and I let it ride

Baby I must confess

We were bigger than anything

Remember us at our best

And don't forget about

 

 

Late nights, playin' in the dark

 

I'm just speaking from experience

Nothing can compare to your first true love

So I hope this will remind you

When it's for real, it's forever

So don't forget about us

 

I bet she can't do like me

She'll never be candykisses

[candykisses]

I'm not the type to get my heart broken

I'm not the type to get upset and cry

'cause I never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

 

But this time.....

 

I wanna run with the reckless emotion

Find out if love is the size of an ocean

Even if I crash down and burn out

At least I'm gunna know what it's like

I wanna feel 'til my heart breaks wide open

I wanna blaze like a fire that's growin'

Even if I crash down and burn out

At least I'm gunna know what it's like

To feel alive

[candykisses]

 

 

History repeats itself....a tale as old as time......

 

What's a girl to do? When you met someone while you were already with someone but you accidentally led them on by not telling them because you guys had instant attraction? Do we have just one soulmate, or many?

When the person you can't get outta your head is far far away and you wish you guys met under different circumstances? The issue here is that he is really far away and I've never interacted with him face-to-face, so there is the intimidation factor that's never there when you interact with people face-to-face. I don't know what to expect. I want to talk to this person and take it to phone, but I'm used to talking to guys whom I've already interacted with in a real life setting, so it's kinda scary and the situation is very new to me. It's freaking me out Fortunately, he knows this. I guess I'll have to force myself out of my comfort zone. I hope he understands this and gets me, when I say that it's out of my comfort zone. It sure would be easier if we lived in the same city and met through a cold approach or through mutual friends. I appreciate him taking things slow, I do. I appreciate and really like that about him. We make each other laugh all the time.

 

This affair that I have gotten myself into is costing me the relationship with the person in my life whom I want to make it work, because we keep on having these stupid fights, over various things -- big and small. It's one of those relationships -- you fight, breakup, makeup, get back together, breakup. Not matter what, you end up getting back together. Can't stay mad at each other too long.

 

How do you know when to let go of this person whom you keep running to anytime you and your boo are having rocky moments? It's unfair to him, because he has given his all. He has gave and gave and right now I totally understand what he means when he says he feels like somebody's "second choice" and "option," security blanket, etc.

 

I'm kinda stuck in a dilemma. In a way though I am really really glad we met because he has given me wonderful advice. I truly appreciate this person and all the things he has done for me, even though he thinks I don't. I simply live day by day and moment by moment. How I felt a moment ago doesn't mean that's how I feel right now and vice versa -- if I was mad at something yesterday doesn't mean I'm mad now, etc. My feelings change all the time. One moment I may feel this way the next moment I may feel something else completely.

 

I do things when I feel like it and on my own terms, like a cat -- call it an istp thing. If I don't feel like doing something, then I don't do it and I'm not sure how to explain this to him without him being paranoid and overanalyzing things and thinking that I premeditated this or that, or purposely not responding to him or ignoring him or whatever. Gosh I don't do things on purpose. I'm not a theory type of person.

When I don't write something or respond to something it doesn't mean I'm being "cold." Sometimes people are simply busy or tired and don't have the energy to write long-ass stuff, but they still do the best they can and show that they care in their own ways and to the best of their ability. I'm not a writer -- I don't like to write so the fact that we got into the lengthy correspondence in the first place hopefully shows that I care and appreciate him a lot. We simply operate very differently.

 

In any case, there's only so much I can express through writing and words. I'm not the best at expressing myself through writing. He gave and gave, and I feel really bad that I hurt him...it wasn't intentional. I guess my held up was that, I just wished that he could've talked to me directly...instead of through "others" as I found out after the fact....

That was basically what I meant by, don't let me be the last to know.

 

At this point, should we move on from each other and leave each other alone for a while? Or should we remain platonic friends? I want happiness for him, because I really do love this person from the heart, and I take full responsibiilty for him feeling disrespected, hurt and underappreciated. He has a point. It takes 2 to tangle and I take full responsibility for my own doings.

[candykisses]

 

 

Thank you for saving me so I don't resort to paths of least resistance. I mean it xxx

The only one that makes me laugh

 

I don't want to be so effed in the head =(

I always asked myself why I'm so effed up

I've been fighting my nature, reading up on my personality type and personal growth

I am going to stay focused, and keep moving forward

I won't resort to paths of least resistance

I just had a momentary tiff that's all

You saved me from a dark moment

That is all it was -- a moment

 

I thank God everyday for you and I always add you to my prayers when I go to bed at night

You were a saviour and angel who put a smile to my face everytime I took a break from studying during school

I love you, as a human being

You made me see the light, and my own potential

I realize it's a blessing, not a curse.

I have been doing some freelance mdelling here and there, hopefully the rest will fall into place with regard to my longer term goals

fashion, mdelling, photography -- all work in tandem. It will look good on my resume with regard to my long-range goals

I am done with partying

I am going to stay focused on my career goals =D

[candykisses]

I realize I'm still way too young to settle down. I'm not looking to settle down. That's why I purposely date these guys with the "bad boy" lifestyle so if they talk marriage and/or propose, I can say no

Relationships are fun to me that's all hehe. (Doesn't always mean sex!!!!!! I don't have sex with every boyfriend lol. I'm not a slt and I don't sleep around.) Can't seem to shake my dating mentality no matter what I do. When I go out, I meet boys, make them whipped then forget about them. lol @ the hangers-on. It's just the way I am lol. So don't worry about me getting married in the next 3 years

Now is the best time to focus on myself and personal growth =)

I want to be one of those girls with a career, being self-sufficent financially and not burdening others

That's always been who I was

This past year I have been very very focused on finding that right career for me

I simply encountered some obstacles along the way

I realize I am so so much more than what I thought was a curse

because of you, I am going to continue moving forward, 100%

 

Thank you, sincerely

 

 

PS. You wondered, what I gave up for you??? DUDE I gave up not liking to write and sit behind a computer; I gave up my lack of desire of talking to strangers on the internet; I gave up my nonchalance about this place; I gave up not having desire to engage in personal lengthy correspondence with strangers on the internet. I made an exception for you, so I can make you laugh

[candykisses]

Consider our little thing foreplay, silly =]

internet affairs freak me out

[candykisses]

but I love you YO!

 

candy

[candykisses]

 

 

 

 

To all the guys from my past and present that I accidentally took advantage of (around the world)--- this song is my sorry.

 

No matter how hard I try, I just can't stop. It's so deeply ingrained in me that I can't stop. Pimp bone's in my body. It's not intentional. Telling you niggas to please stay away. I have shallow affect when it comes to guys. I can't feel love. Maybe just haven't met the right person yet?

 

If it's any consolation, know that probably WILL get my karma one day, I promise.

[candykisses]

I still feel every word of these songs

 

 

 

 

Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk

Baby let's just knock it off

They don't know what we been through

They don't know 'bout me and you

 

ps. guess what my favourite colour is.

 

pps. YOU made me "let the world into our [thing]" because you were doing "NC" and weren't going to your inbox. No one made me do sht it was all me. It was a momentary tiff. None of my diverse groups of friends even know about this board. I don't mean to keep using my personality type and a evil stepsis as an excuse for all my actions, but fuk what I did it was your fault somehow. I'm effed in the head like that =b

 

sorry to have turned your life into stephen kings.

[candykisses]

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[candykisses]

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[candykisses]

I threw away everything, and for what?

[candykisses]

hpz - **** OFF. Mind your own business. I can't believe I let you get to me.