Cheated* once, and its about to happen again

[Sebulous]

Well about 2 weeks ago my GF went to the movies with some of her friends and an out of town friend. While she was there, 3 of them got separated. Her, her friend, and some guy. They went around behind the movies thinking the rest went out there. Her friend left the 2 of them back there to check around front real quick. The guy moved in and kissed my GF. She didn't push him off. She did have a crush on him a long ago. Her friend comes around and catches them and says "im going to tell Colby (me)" So after the weekend I find out from my GF. We have a really good talk and i know she didn't mean for it. I reluctantly forgive her. (he kissed her, course im mad, but she didn't kiss him)

 

Well its now 2 weeks later, today. We are helping with our church's vacation bible school. some new guy is there and she is constantly hanging around him and flirting. She is sitting next to him, she is playing around with him, she is hanging around his room that he is helping to teach in. I fear she might cheat again.

 

I did tell her that I am unhappy, and jealous that this new guy is getting more attention than her ever so loving and forgiving BF. She told me not to worry. I held back saying "You said that before, how can I trust that now". Last thing I wanted to do was cause a fight with him there so she can run to him.

 

Now this new guy doesn't know. I haven't told him me and my GF are dating. I don't think he needs to know yet. I am going to have a talk with GF tonite in 4 hours. I need to know what to say. I do have a few choice words....;

 

"I just want to tell you something. I want to let you know that I choose to not do somethings because I know you would not approve and it puts strain on our relationship. I choose to not flirt with your friends or other girls for that matter. I choose not to hang out with this chick that I used to love. I choose to not take my neighbor to a strip club for his 18th birthday. I choose all these because I wanted you to be happy and I didn't want to create any problems with our relationship. I would really appreciate it if could return the favor. I don't control you, nor do I want to control you, but I really absolutely hate that you are spending more time with this new guy, and not me. I don't mind you flirt with him, or hang around him. I know thats how you and I both communicate with opposite sex, by flirting. I just would appreciate it if you and I would spend more of this time together than with this new guy."

 

I do plan to tell this new guy that we me and GF are dating and to watch his step. He and I are really cool already. But he needs to know so he doesn't make a move on my GF.

 

ANY WORDS OF ADVICE REALLY APPRECIATED.

[Val]

I'm glad to see you have the courage to sit down and express your feelings to your girlfriend. What you plan to tell her is great, definitely go for it. But realize that what she may not respond with what you wish to hear. You seem like a fine gentlemen with great respect for women and I don't think she realizes how lucky she is to have someone as caring and devoted.

The only thing you can hope is that she'll do what she promises tonight but it will only be something exposed in the long run. There's not much advice to be given except that your doing the right thing.

 

Hope everything works out.

[Michael2]

She is going to WALK all over you. Listen man, I commend you for these talks, I really do. BUt actions speak much louder then words. Ever hear the term walk with a stick, well carry that sucker around. Do not let her take advantage of you. Right now, you are setting a benchmark. For one you forgave her, good job, that takes lots of courage and maturity. But once again, with every action there needs to be consequences. What was her consequence. A talk. NAHH, you should have let her be for a little bit. Tell her you have to think about things. Make her realize she cant pull this garbage with you.

 

I hate this like, but it fits this situation; be a man, if you arent she will continue this behaviour.

[Sebulous]

we were apart for a little over a week. I told her exactly what I was going to do. I even told her 1 day after a short break up, I was going to go out with this coworker that I had practically loved. She realized pretty dam fast she could have lost me. I had planned all the things I said in that "i choose not to" cause she told me she wanted to get back together and I told her I still planned to do those things. I later decided it wasn't best that I did it.

[Cecelius]

You seem to be pretty stable. Clearly you are thinking that she was not as resistant to the other guy as you wished she'd be, and she's too friendly with the other guy.

 

I don't think you need any advice. What you are planning to say/have said should do the job, but for me the issue is what was identified above. Why does she deserve to be forgiven for these things?