PLZ HELP!!!!

[Stranger]

It's been four months and I have posted something in the past but I still feel like crap. I was with her for 6 years, I need peace guys I really do. I don't know how much more stress and pain my body and mind can take. I need to let go, how???? Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in the corner with these horrible feelings!!! This is not like me, why am I feeling this way!???? I have had no contact with her for the four months we have been broken up, I don't want to contact her at all, she doesn't deserve it!!!! I need closure though, how do I achieve that??????

 

She is seeing someone else and I can't seem to get myself together to do the same, that I think will be my final hurdle of finally letting go????

[rusty_boi]

ok well you can try the following coucelling to help your depression and maybe a rebound girl to get you back into spring of things do this in your own time when your ready, try telling her exaclty what you think of her aswell if you still have feelings then do not do this but if you are angry at her tell her it may help

 

just a thought

[NightLily]

I definitely don't think you should get a "rebound" girl. That is called using somebody and it can be very hurtful to be on the other side of that game. Why spread your pain to others just to relieve your own pain temporarily, leave you with guilt, and MORE relationship baggage?

 

And also, coming out of a 6 year relationship.. 4 months really isn't all that long. It has been a while since I broke up with my ex (I don't count--that hurts) and it still hurts sometimes. I am not wreck but.. I think it has been a few months as well. It could take you a year to heal over this, and if that is what it takes.. that is what it takes. You can't really press a magical button and somehow speed through the hard times in your life. Although, I bet we all wish we could.

 

There are some things you can do to make this time go by smoother and quicker though. For one, you could get a counselor. Some people are afraid to go to them because they believe their problems aren't "that bad," but it would help you. You can also take up some hobby or set goals for yourself. Another thing you can do is put yourself in the right time and place to meet and be around many lovely women. Just seeing that there are others out there coudl cheer you up. And last, but not least, talk. Talk to your friends, talk here, talk to yourself if you have to!

 

Take care kind Stranger heh,

SuzyQ (how corny..)

[Stranger]

Hey guys....thanks, this really helps!!! I have been doing a boat load of things, working out (Really getting in shape!), going out with friends, talking to people(Getting tired of hearing my stories), and spending time with family!!! It does help get my mind off of it, but sometimes it's too much!!

 

Suzy, do u feel like the other person is on a life long cruise enjoying themselves while ur at home thinking about them???? When you know ur time can be better spent thinking of u!?!? Why is life so cruel, when you give so much and get nothing back. Love is something to be charished, respected, and honored, but instead you see nothing but darkness at the end???? Maybe I need this, I really hope this takes me to the next level in my life, god knows it's not easy!!!

[disEnchantid]

hey stranger!

I know just how you feel, thinking the other person is off having the time of their life while you are sitting home in agony. generally, this is probably not true, if you were with this girl for six years there is simply no way that the break up has not affected her or caused her pain. But that is really not your concern right now, you have to take the focus off of your ex and refocus that energy onto yourself. It sounds as though you are already doing that, good for you!!

if your friends are tired of hearing your stories, come here and talk to us! we know how you feel and won't tell you we are sick of hearing it. you have to talk about it as much as you need to until you feel better. and then one day you will say, you know what, I'm tired of talking about this, and it will be a very liberating feeling. but until then, post as much as you have to, just get it out of your system, start an ejournal and write letters to her just getting it all out, but make the post private so only you can see them.

most of all, remember that these things take TIME to go away! have patience, and just keep reminding yourself that one day you won't feel sad anymore and you will feel much better with time. keep repeating in your head that this will pass, and you are going to be okay.

 

feel free to IM or PM me anytime you need to talk

 

hope you start to feel better soon!

 

disEnchantid

[melrich]

Hi Stranger,

 

It is great that you are out there doing things and I agree with the other posters here...don't focus energy on your ex, concentrate on healing yourself. One of the ways we tend to try and cope in a situation like you are in is to "get busy". The problem with this is that it often leaves you wandering aimlessly from one activity to the next. What I think may help you is to set yourself some challenges. I'll give you an example. When I was going through a similar time as you are, I decided I would participate in an annual marathon ocean swim, it was about 4 miles long and I had never done much swimming. So for 5 months I had this goal..to complete the swim. It gave me something to focus on and it gave some purpose to my activities. It also allowed me to set lots of short term goals within the main one. Of course the challenge does not have to be physical but whatever it is it should not be easy. Ideally it should also take you out of your comfort zone. It should give you some focus and be something you'd be proud to do and give you a real sense of achievement when you complete it. Also if you decide to do something like this make sure you choose something that you have some interest in otherwise you will get bored and give it up. And finally make sure there is an end, something you have to complete. By this I mean make it a formal goal, not just a personal challenge. The best way to formalise it is to enter an organised event or enrol in a course of study, etc.

The other thing that I have seen help people during down times is to go out and help others. I don't know what you have in the US but I am sure there are a lot of community charity services that could use your assistance and time. This sort of work makes you feel great about yourself and generally you are dealing with people that put your own problems into perspective.

 

Good Luck

[NightLily]

Yeah Stranger .. I would say he IS having a good time with out me. Basically, he left me for another and lied to me about why he was dumping me in the first place. He told me all along (and still does) that I was a wonderful girlfriend, but he decided to be a self indulgent liar (and QUITE possibly a cheater--he has yet to admit to it, but does he ever?) and cause me to lose all respect for him/never trust him again. I would give him a second chance, but I already have. For this reason, I am over him but I am left with this bitterness. Heh. I'm sure you can tell. It is sad that he has degraded himself to this level (he did far worse then just cheat on me ..twice). ... Anyways..

 

It was stupid of me to ever trust him or give him a second chance.

 

Some people just have no remorse. Look at some murderers. They don't even care about what they did.. Other then the fact that they didn't get away with it.

 

hehe.. That is enough bitter ranting for one day.

-SuzyQ

[Stranger]

Rant all you want we are all eyes!!!!

 

Thank you for the kind words...sometimes we need to get things off our chest. Great suggestions which I will surely use!!!

 

I wish all of you guys the same happiness that you all deserve...we will be there someday!!!! I just hope sooner rahter then later!!!!

 

Stanger

[NightLily]

Heh. Thanks Stranger.

 

Looking back on what I posted it really DOES sound bitter. But, I am in a better mood after doing some cleaning and packing (I had just woken up).

 

And you are right, we all deserve happiness (except for.. ) Joking.

 

-SuzyQ