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Diagonal's rocky road to reconciliation: An update - Part 4 - We're Back Together

Diagonal

By Diagonal
in Getting Back Together

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Diagonal Contributor

Diagonal

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So we’re back together!

 

For those following my story I went into NC telling my ex I was "disappearing for a while", as she was struggling with some mental health issues and me being around didn’t seem to be helping. (In short she is well on the road to sorting such things out professionally, chemically and personally, which is awesome)

 

So that NC lasted two weeks (our longest stretch). Anyway I broke it on April 4 (Easter Sunday) after a few days of being eager to reach out. Well it worked, my little ping led to a few texts and we met up the following Wednesday. Things went well and I went round to her's on the Friday, where we ended up getting back together.

 

In short she said she "made a mistake in leaving" me, but it needed to happen, as things needed to change.

 

She told me she’d been missing me since the split, but a lot since I went into NC and despite saying she wasn’t sure she loved me at times, that she always had, but was just so mad and angry about how our relationship went sour in me neglecting her.

 

She admitted her faults in the split and after that we ended up talking about the getting back together and we both agreed that’s what we wanted to do.

 

A twist in the tale though, there was a rebound/GIGS involved and that’s something I knew nothing about and something she did hide from me.

 

I knew she’d been on a few dates, but it turns out that this someone was a guy she met while we were together towards the end of our relationship. Anyway, he turned her head and it helped her make the move to leave. Anyway, she said they dated for like two months after we split and that ended a month ago.

 

I totally trust her when she told me she didn’t cheat on me, but it’s interesting to know that someone else helped her make the leap to leave me. I guess that's common though in why one person leaves another.

 

Well she admitted she was sleeping with him (something that while she wasn’t in the wrong for doing, does hurt), but dating him made her realize how much she actually missed and wanted to be with me, because "he just wasn't you".

 

She said that about a month ago she went round and told him not to call her or contact her again, as she was in love with someone else (me) and didn't want or couldn’t keep seeing him. He was crushed as he’d already told her he loved her.

 

Well, we’ve only been back together a few days but in a good way it feels like nothing has changed. We had such a friendship and connection anyway and we’ve seen each other everyday since. Nothing feels awkward or forced and it feels like a refreshing and new start to a new relationship.

 

I’m still a little upset about the whole rebound thing, but I guess time will heal that wound. She said she was sorry for doing it, but totally admitted "it was a rebound and nothing she thought would be serious". She said she did it to feel loved again, something I neglected to do towards the end of our relationship.

 

I guess I can't be too upset about the rebound or about the split in general as while it's been an emotional rollercoaster, it all combined to lead me to the point where we're back together.

 

We’re not out of the woods yet, but things feel really really good She told me she always had in her mind that she wanted me back and after dating someone else, it solidified that and really made her see that “I was the one for her”.

 

I’m going to write a more detailed advice thread when I get chance, but for now I thought I’d post an update on my situation.

 

Thanks for all the ongoing support guys, especially the wonderful LoveSoDeep and Belle28. This forum has been a great souce of adivce and support.

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SeaDunkel Contributor

SeaDunkel

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Yay!! This is awesome!! You know, I can really relate to your story...just tonight I found out the details of my ex's "rebound." About 5 weeks ago he started hanging out with a girl and I ended up finding out and got kind of depressed..I never brought it up but it was sort of weird because we were still "friends" and hanging out, but I knew he might possibly be falling for someone new. Well, it turns out he told this girl that he didn't think she was the right one and ended things. Meanwhile, I had stopped contacting him/checking his facebook stalking him because I was fearing the worst. About 10 days after I had given up hope (and he had told this girl it wasn't going to happen) we hung out and the rest is history. I just found out tonight that there had been a night when she was expecting him to call, but he never did because he had been hanging out with me that night.. I definitely feel bad for her because obviously her hopes were crushed, but I'm glad to know that being with her made him realize he missed me and want to come back.

 

Anyway, best of luck to you!

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Diagonal Contributor

Diagonal

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Thank you so much guys see people do get back together every single day.

 

In answer to to a few questions:

 

We were split for just under 4 months

 

She dumped me as I neglected her by working too much and she felt unloved in our relationship

 

The things I've taken from the split is to have belief. She told me it was 99% over and all I needed was that 1% chance.

 

Being in LC didn't really give her much chance to miss me and while she did, even a few weeks of nc really did make her see what life was like with out me.

 

Remember a lot of emotions are involved earlier on, let the dust settle. She went from saying she was never coming back, didn't love me anymore and could see a life without me, to saying she always loved me, missed me a lot, always thought we were soul mates and couldn't see her life without me.

 

Hang in there guys, its not going to happen overnight, but it is possible and that possibility is all you need!

 

 

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LoveSoDeep Experienced

LoveSoDeep

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I'm so happy for you!

 

I always had a feeling that she never really wanted to leave and she would eventually try to come back! Try not to get too caught up in thinking about her rebound b/c in your case I think it just needed to happen and it helped both of you learn and grow a lot! Don't forget everything you've learned and keep growing and you guys are on your way to many more years of happiness!

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RobD70 Apprentice

RobD70

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Yay, this is good BUT be cautious. The same thing happened to me and after 6 months she was out the door again (with the rebound). Not saying that this will happen to you and there is a couple of different things (mine broke up with the OM at the same time getting back with me, yours had a month which is better) so hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here.

 

Just remember to keep up the changes you made and don't be the "old you" that made her want to leave in the first place. Also the resentment will fade in time but you will struggle with it for a couple of months at least.

 

Good luck!

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