Need Advice

[confused63]

I have been involved with a man now for 6 yrs and have been through all kinds of situations with him. For example he would pull disappearing acts on me for weeks and sometimes months at a time, finding out that he had a live-in girlfriend and got cursed out for confronting him etc...

 

I know that I shouldn't have put up with his BS but when you care about someone I guess you tend to overlook a lot of things. So going against my better judgement I stayed hoping that somehow things would change.

 

Now to fast forward the tape to present time I once again had to curse him out because I was tired of the continued lies and deceit. Basically told him to stay with whoever the woman he had living with him was and make what they had work.

 

Now here's the kicker. My closer friends have told me because of what has gone on in the past as far as his behavior and me sticking around and taking him back that I have already conditioned him . Conditioned him in the sense that no matter what he does or how long he stays gone I'll always take him back.

 

So what they told me was this, that just because I cursed him out probably doesn't mean a thing to him that he will wait until he thinks I've calmed down and contact me again to see if the door is still open.

 

Whay does anybody else think and what should I do if he contacts me one day down the road?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If he contacts you again tell him you are not interested...that should change his "condition..ing"! It is never too late to put your foot down and stick to it.

[confused63]

Sounds like you agree with the fact that he will try to contact me again.

 

I already have decided to ignore him. Silence hurts someone more than anything.

[Hermes]

This is what CAD said. Note the word "IF"

 

If he contacts you again tell him you are not interested

 

Forget about "silences" and "hurting" and all that.

He simply does not care, and you just need to come to terms with that fact.

 

Next step, is to extricate yourself from this enmeshment and get your self-esteem and self-respect back. It will take effort, but it will be worth it.

 

Good luck

Hermes

[catfeeder]

I agree with your friends. The guy has learned that putting up with a bit of noise and fury is a small price to pay for doing whatever he wants. Apparently, he 'wants' to mistreat you. You get to decide whether that's the kind of man you're willing to settle for.