Thoughts about how to handle NC, please ...

[nutbrownhare]

A while ago I posted on here about a guy I'd been dating briefly, and then decided that he wasn't a good bet because of his constant lusting over other women. I received some angry, bitter emails from him after I'd finished it, and then he asked if we could meet up, which I agreed to.

 

I told him that his way of communicating and mine were incompatible; that I'd guess that he'd learned the very angry/punitive stuff in his family, but that I can't connect with it. I thought that was all clear, but it's since transpired that he interpreted it as me wanting to rekindle the relationship, and was leaving it up to him! I then told him I didn't wish to be brutal but there was no way this was going to happen.

 

I've had a few more angry, snide emails from him (which I ignored), and one where he'd decided that a satirical article I'd written on a satirical blog was about him - despite the fact that I gave him a link to the article it was actually sending up, in response. He hinted that he had some nastier stuff in store.

 

At that point ... I blocked him on Facebook, deleted his comments left on my blog and blocked him on email. Today, despite the fact that he's on my blocked sender list, a message landed in my Inbox to the effect that blocking him on FB was a bit drastic, as was deleting his comments. We will both be at the same event in a couple of weeks time and he wanted to patch things up between us 'so there won't be a bad atmosphere'. He has 'no idea how we got to this stage'.

 

I really don't want anything to do with him. At all. Even if we're at the same event our paths don't necessarily have to cross. Given that he's likely to misinterpret anything I say to him - either viewing it as an attempt at reconciliation, or as an attack - my reaction is to ignore the email. There is also something contradictory about contacting someone to tell them you don't want anything to do with them! I'm hoping that my actions will speak louder than words, but I really wish he'd just leave me alone. He has paid 60+ visits to my blog in the last week!

 

Any thoughts about the best way forward?

[catfeeder]

You're smart to not respond. If your paths cross at an event, you can smile, wave and demo your best case of amnesia about all else as you move on.

[nutbrownhare]

That's affirming, catfeeder - thanks very much! The more I think about it, the better the course of action (or inaction) that seems ...!

 

I am realising how much I get caught up in things by not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings - but I'm working on it.

[Ms Darcy]

I am realising how much I get caught up in things by not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings - but I'm working on it.

 

Keep your instincts at your chest like a knight's shield. Your inclination to get away from what feels toxic is absolutely correct, and you should keep doing all you can to ignore his attempts at manipulation.

 

As a side note, good for you for actually breaking up with him. So many people on here spend months if not years struggling with the same problems with the same person. You had the courage to end it and keep it ended. How are things in the dating scene otherwise?

[nutbrownhare]

How are things in the dating scene otherwise?

Thanks for asking ... this is a man-free zone for a little while to come ...

 

I've been undergoing investigations following an abnormal smear nearly three years ago; they've found something else now; they tried to do a hysteroscopy under local anaesthetic and couldn't, so now I'll have to go into a proper hospital with a general anaesthetic an' all ... and until they've sorted out my 'lady bits' I don't want to start another relationship.

 

Apart from that, I have brilliant friends - both male and female - and life is pretty good otherwise!

[Ms Darcy]

Excellent about your friends! I'm sorry about that medical stuff, but well wishes to you!

[sahasupa]

His behavior may be coming close to harassment. I do not know what can be done in addition to ignoring, though.

[nutbrownhare]

Excellent about your friends! I'm sorry about that medical stuff, but well wishes to you!

I tried to rep you, but was told I needed to spread reputation around a bit, and then I tried to PM you to say 'thanks', but was told you'd exceeded your limit and couldn't receive any more messages, so 'Many Thanks' on here instead!

[Ms Darcy]

I tried to rep you, but was told I needed to spread reputation around a bit, and then I tried to PM you to say 'thanks', but was told you'd exceeded your limit and couldn't receive any more messages, so 'Many Thanks' on here instead!

 

Aw ... thank you! I better get to deleting! Feel free to PM anytime!

[nutbrownhare]

His behavior may be coming close to harassment. I do not know what can be done in addition to ignoring, though.

I'm getting a very clear message which reinforces my own instinct from all on here! Thanks, everyone!

[catfeeder]

That's affirming, catfeeder - thanks very much! The more I think about it, the better the course of action (or inaction) that seems ...!

 

I am realising how much I get caught up in things by not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings - but I'm working on it.

 

Hello again, Nut. The problem with responding is that it engages him. As kooky as he might be on his own, engaging focuses him even more--it confirms that you've received his message, and it encourages more attention-seeking.

 

This man has threatened you with nastier behavior--that's a real threat. As much as he tried to shrug that off later, it means he has zero impulse control and should be considered potentially harmful.

 

Not trying to scare you, but just trying to support your gut. His 'feelings' after crossing such a line are no longer relevant.

 

My heart goes out to you with your medical concerns, and I'll be holding you in my thoughts.

 

My best always,

Cat